Friday, 7 September 2012

The Saturday Solution with Dr. Basil ~ Todays Feline Frenzy:- I'm mortified by mice, what do I do?




Welcome to the 'Saturday Solution'
with
Dr. Basil Widdairs


Ph.D. in Kitteh Psychology  
BSc (Hons) Headology  
Psy.D. Furry Logic
 MS. Fuzzy Logic
MA. Common Sense


 


My other Professional Credits include:

NOM Master
Snoozy Savant
Purr Master
AdvoCat of T.L. Treatment
Touchy Feely Therapy or T.F.T
Purrfume Aroma Treatment or P.A.T

Dr Basil ~ helping mew to solve all your Pet Peeves, Purrsonal Purroblems and Desperate Dilemmas, no matter how great or small they may be.

I use only the very latest techniques, some of which I have developed myself over my long and esteemed career, which include:

 Purr Therapy ~ For Uptight and Particularly Stressed Kittehs 

Nom Zen ~The Art of Nomming in Total Tranquility 

ZZZ's Snooze Sensation ~ Including Mewsical CatNap Sessions tailored to your purrsonal requirements

YogiCat Meditation ~ Stretches and Breathing Techniques for the Severely Stressed & Overworked

Intense CatNip Therapy ~ This treatment speaks for itself (I find it very beneficial)

I am also an AdvoCat of Tough Love coupled with a healthy dose of common kitteh sense

Purrfume Aroma Treatment ~ A Sensory Smelling Session S.S.S. to calm and soothe with highly aromatic blends of specially selected scents

To help you release all your stresses and worries just drop by my new clinic held here every Saturday or, alternatively email me your purroblem and I'll answer here, if mew require to remain anonymous or anon, purrlease include that in your email. 


Mew can contact me directly at the following address:

DearDrBasil (at) gmail (dot) com

So come and sit on my supurr comfy couch, relax, breath deeply and tell me of your troubles, as I'm ready, willing and able to help...




Here is another of my latest cases:

(Via email)

‘I’m mortified by Mice, What do I do?’
Dear Dr. Basil
Purrlease mew must help me! I’ve just been adopted as a farm cat from a shelter, where I had been a resident fur quite some time – exactly how much time I don’t know, it seemed like furever though and I can’t really remember my life from before as I was very sick when they brought me here – however I’ve been living in a cage and had my meals provided and litter tray serviced daily, fresh water and all the usual shelter amenities.  So I was quite shocked that after all of that time that I finally got adopted as I’m not the youngest kitty on the block.  The good mews is, I have a very nice new furrmily.
They live on a farm, I didn’t even know what that was until after my preliminary indoor period was over and I must say that the amenities are second to none, plus I get so much attention.  But I digress, I was shocked to see so much open space all in one area, its huge, vast in fact, I couldn’t cross it in days if I tried.  So after my initial shock of the sheer size of the place wore off I began to explore the barns and sheds and everywhere and that’s when I first saw them with their bristling little whiskers and high pitched squeaks, there was a whole posse of them scurrying around in the grain store. I was severely outnumbered and froze to the spot in terror.
These mice turned and looked at me like I was dinner, there beady little black eyes boring into my very soul.  I turned and scarpered, what else could I do?  Take on a mice army solo, I would have never survived.
I went back the next day and watched from a safe distance when one of them came right up to me, I think it was their leader and said ‘Look cat, we can do this hard way or the easy way, the choice is yours.’ I stared in disbelief at this little pipsqueak and then he reared up and bopped me on the nose, on the nose if mew purrlease.!  I was so taken aback that I couldn’t speak, the mouse just laughed and scurried off and since then it’s been getting worse and worse. They ambush me and allsorts; I’m too embarrassed to say anymore.
My natural instincts tells me that I have to NOM these rodents good and proper, but after all that has happened I’m fearful fur myself, these mice are pure evil, can mew help me?
Yours living in fear
Hector
(Farmsville)

This is my Expert Reply
I use the colour brown to incite a response that if anything, the colour BROWN is non-threatening.

Dear Hector
Firstly I must say that I am thrilled about your new home, and a spacious one at that.  Now, let’s move on to more pressing purroblems.  It seems to me that these rotten rodents have taken away your power and in turn mew have become fearful of something that  in the natural order of things should rightly be super fearful of mew!
So to get your power back and give these monstrous mice some payback I am recommending the following course of action.
Firstly mew need to calm down and take some time to build up your resilience and I am suggesting that mew use my:- Purrfume Aroma Treatment ~ A Sensory Smelling Session S.S.S. to calm and soothe with highly aromatic blends of specially selected scents using my Special Blend No: 1  a mix of lavender, catmint and neroli.  I would advise that mew inhale the scent every few hours to sooth your jangled nerves and when mew feel able to move on to my Six Step Programme, this is what I recommend ridding yourself of the Mouse Imposed Purgatory or M.I.P.
Operation Rodent Retribution:
Step One: Observe these pesky varmints from a safe and secure position.

Step Two: Once mew feel comfortable with just Observing, gradually move closer, keeping yourself hidden. Operate in Stealth, let your natural instincts guide mew.
Step Three: As mew become more accustomed to their evil little mousing ways mew can reveal yourself to the hoard.  If this is too much retreat and repeat Step Two until mew feel ready to face your fear. 
Step Four: After mew have successfully completed Steps One – Three.  Call out the Individual who took your power, face this evil little morsel and hold your ground, no matter what happens. Hold your line of defence, when the one that assaulted mew comes forward (and he will) let him come right up to mew, like before. Now this is furry important, show NO FEAR, hold his gaze and stare him down.  Wait until he is right in front of mew and then move on swiftly to Step Five.
Step Five:  When this hubris arrogant little rodent from hell, is a whisker away, thinking he’s going to be taking charge again - this is where you:  Ambush and Attack, let your N.B.K instincts (Natural Born Killer) take over, imagine that it is a tasty yummy scurrying snack pack and its just offering itself to you, like a willing sacrifice.  Just let your instincts rip through mew in a wild torrent of emotion and strike.  Swipe that fiend and pin him to the ground in front of his hoard, pin him there in a cage of claws and at this point and this is most important - Give them all your most evilest grin – mew should have them quaking in fear as their leader is trapped.  Move on to Step Six.
Step Six: This depends on whether mew are a vegetarian or not. If mew are not adverse to nomming this evil doer and show the hoard that mew are one kitty not be messed with, NOM that Sucker! Nom him till he’s a goner!  However if mew are a V.K. (Vegetarian Kitty) I would suggest mew use this victim as your plaything, there’s nothing like taking your power back by Playtime.  Toss him in the air, bat him, torment him, whatever comes to mind, mew’ll know exactly what to do and then when he’s nearly finished, throw him to the side like garbage. After mew have either Nommed him proper or Playtimed him out, make it clear in no uncertain terms to the hoard that if they efurr mess with mew again, that’s what they can expect in return.
After mew have completed all steps of my programme mew should feel on top the world, so strut your furry stuff around the farm, like mew own it and don’t efurr let the unmentionables get the upper hand again.  If they try anything just  to go straight for Step Six: NOM Them Senseless!
Hector, I do hope that The Saturday Solution has helped mew conquer your fear, and if mew need any further consultations, purrlease don't hesitate to MEOW me!
Yours most sincerely
Dr. Basil
@ The Saturday Solution Clinic T.M.
____________________________

Todays Moral Code is:

~ Don’t Effur Let Go of Your Power ~

If anyone tries:-

 Just NOM them!

_________________________________


If mew can relate to this purroblem or feel that mew are in need of any assistance, purrlease leave a comment to: Dear Dr. Basil.... or email me directly and I'll get back to mew.

Thank mew all for joining me today on The Saturday Solution with Dr Basil, and if you've missed this session don't forget that I'll be back next week with another open clinic and case study.

Until then, Keep Calm and Purr

Dr. Basil

Ph.D. ~ BSc. (Hons) ~ Psy.D. ~ MS ~ MA




 
Copyright and All Rights Reserved @ Dr. Basil The Saturday Solution


6 comments:

  1. Awesome advice Dr Basil!!

    Take care
    x

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank mew furry much!

      @ Your service and the very bestest purrs

      Dr. Basil

      Delete
  2. From Dr. K B. Dundee (aka "Dear Tabby") a second opinion,
    What my esteemed colleague prescribes is a very good course of action. However, I think mew are making one fundamental error: facing a mouse hoard instead of picking off the little squeakers one at a time, as any self-respecting stealthy sneaky feline normally does. Just wait around a corner where there is purrhaps a tender morsel to lure one of them over. Then--meh meh--disappurr him. When the mice start taking roll call and notice that one by one, their numbers are dwindling, they may recall the frightened feline newcomer and wonder... him? Naaaah. Now for the second phase of your opurration, I recommend mew order a copy of my book--the e-book won't work for this purrpuss, mew need the paper copy with the title purrominently displayed on the back, "Dear Tabby's Kitty Cuisine, Recipes fur Roasting Rodents Ready to Nom in Seconds". Find a place the mice like to gather and then--this will take all the nerve mew have gathered from Dr. B.'s advice, sit there calmly, with the cover in full view of the rodents in question, ignore them and read intently until they have all had a good look at the title--then steal a look over your book at the little rat who counted coup on mew. Slowly lick your chops. return to reading. Rinse and repeat. You're welcome.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Good Morning Dr. K.B. How nice of mew to join us! I didn't know mew had a cook book of culinery delights available! What a fabumouse idea! I may order a copy fur myself - Yummy!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Dr. Basil, Uh. Wow. I was absolutely RIVETED reading your advice to Hector. But to tell you the troof, you kind of scare me. Now, I'm not saying I nefur killed nuffing (though the biggest thing I efur killed and nommed was Mothzilla), but your descriptions were strangely disturbing and provocative at the same time. Maybe I need a little S.S.S. to smooth out my nerves.

    Otherwise, nice to meet you, Dood.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Monday Greetings Spitty-the-Kitty!

      Firstly I must thank mew fur stopping by and leaving me a comment - that's most pawesome of mew!

      I think perhaps mew need a little S.S.S. by the sounds of it. Purrlease don't be be upset by Hectors programme that was tailored made just fur him at the farm. This programme doesn't suit efurryone.

      Con'cat'ulations of your victory over MothZilla - they are furry tricky fings!

      I hope you come by again soon and if mew efurr need any advice, let me know.

      Bestest meows and purrs

      Dr. Basil

      Delete

*Waves Paw* we love comments and do purr extra loud when mew leave one, and we do try to reply to effurypurrdy and visit mew too! ❤️❤️❤️

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