Featuring our latest bonkers time travelling pirate adventure
The Extraordinary Voyages of Cap'n Basil Blackheart and his Motley Crew
The Crimson Revenge
The Extraordinary Voyages of Cap'n Basil Blackheart and his Motley Crew
The Crimson Revenge
Arrrrr and greetings wunderpurr pals
Many apologies fur the service interruption last week, the interwebs connection seems to be a little better now. So without further adieu...
Welcome to the 5th episode of our fabulous new adventure and just in case mew missed anything, here's the links fur last 4 epically epic episodes:
A quick recap from week before last...
"Well I'll be damned!" Horice exclaimed.
"Let's hope that feast keeps 'em occupied o'while," I said with acute alleviation.
"Aye, that should assuage thee blood thirsty beasties," Horice agreed relaxing. "That was a mightily cunning plan Cap'n Basil, arrrrrrr!"
"I couldn't 'av done without ye and ye seafaring matey's," I said rather emotionally. "Ye be the bestest fur sure, thank ye again."
Horice shifted awkwardly beneath me as he cleared his throat, and I felt he was a little embarrassed, but good deeds deserved praise and thanks, and I was so thankful Smooch had been saved from the jaws of death, literally. Turning I glanced towards the row boat, and saw Smooch waving, albeit a little limply but neffurtheless waving at me and I gave him my bestest salute, my heart squeezed in all the right places and I smiled widely.
A short while later, after all that excitement and I'd finally settled my acutely crisped nerves with several swigs of some mighty potent nip rum, I decided to check on the tor-tye army. Pulling out my telescope I zoomed in on their camp down the beach, and was surprised to see they'd made it back in good time, the pot was bubbling at full speed with huge flames licking up the sides and to my complete amazement I could see that sharks fin soup was already cooking, 'Tasty!' I thought but definitely not wurth the risk.
"Horice?" I asked suddenly.
"Arrrrrrr Cap'n Basil?"
"What year be this?"
Horice thought about it fur a moment and then he replied. "It be the year 1683 and a bit if me calculations be right, why ye ask?"
I let this new information sink in before I answered. "Arrrrrrr... that be a fine year!" was all I could say while my inner turmoil began to erupt again.
Jumping jeepers I was right, we'd travelled back in time through the whirlpool, how the flip were we effur going to get back now?
So hold ye fast matey's, as we're in fur another wild ride today
A Case of Crabs & The Secret Pagoda
I sat fur a while and pondered our predicament. We were in fact in 1683 & a bit, just as I had suspected from the journals of 'The Secret World' by Dr. H. P. Sauce.
I looked down the beach to see the row boat and its three occupants spilling out onto the soft, golden sand. Smooch looked a little wurse fur wear, but all things considered it could have been a true tragedy. I watched him amble parallel with the softly lapping waves fur a few minutes. He was almost skipping at times, but then, out of the blue he leapt into the air with a shriek. I jumped to my feet faster than mew could say 'who drank my niptini?' and careened towards him.
"Smooch!" I cried, waiting fur another drama to rear its ugly head. "What's the matter?"
He spun around and beamed at me, a most toothy display fur sure. "I found my bandana!" he squealed with delight, waving it wildly in the air. "I thought it was gone furever, but I found it!"
My heart which, after all that had happened thus far in a single day, had been running constantly in nitrous mode, suddenly relaxed as if all the air in my sails had just gone poof, and I plonked down on the sand with a heavy wumph. My mind whirling with all manner of thoughts 'How were we going to get home? The P.A. will be panicking as were missing! Would we effur see Sleepy Hollow again? etc... etc...' The responsibility of our predicament weighed on me more heavily than the pyramids of Giza.
"That's pawesome," I said suddenly taking a breath. "It'll be dry in no time if mew put on the rocks offur there." I pointed up the beach.
Smooch pootled off up the beach towards the trees and Horice.
Parsley and Snowie followed him and a few minutes later I joined them, to find they were drinking coconut milk supplied furry kindly by our new Heffle-lump furriend. Parsley was lapping it up, in fact guzzling would be a better wurd.
"Would ye like a banana Cap'n Basil?" Horice asked as I sharpened my claws on a lovely rock.
"That be furry kind of ye Horice, but I'll just be sampling the coconut milk.... arrrrrr!" I replied.
Just then, Smooch rolled offur and yacked. "Puh! Puh! Puh!" he spat out.
"What on earth's the matter?" Snowie asked.
"Bad nuts!" he spluttered. "Bad nuts! Puh! Puh! Puh!"
"Mines delish!" Parsley said as he took another slurp.
"Horice could ye be making Smoochie a banana coconut milk, purrlease?" I asked.
"Aye, it'd be me pleasure Cap'n Basil!" Horice said as he beckoned Smooch with his trunk. "Come here little one, I be making ye a tasty treat... arrrrr!"
I sighed heavily and cast my gaze towards The Crimson Revenge as I sipped my refreshing beverage and waited fur an escape plan to furmulate in my mind.
* * *
Meanwhile back on the ship, Posie and Amber were in full swing of tidying the deck and salvaging whateffur could be saved, while Humphrey in his usual capacity was reclining in his hammock, which was now strung up on the main deck.
"Humphrey, mew are soooo lazy!" Amber chided as she tossed a crab overboard.
Humphrey took a swig from a rather dirty looking bottle, belched and replied. "Arrrrrrrrrr!"
Amber was bristling. "I wish I'd been part of the landing pawty!"
"Me too," agreed Posie as she brushed a pile of sand off the deck. "I bet they're having a whale of a time, exploring and having fun, no stress, no work!"
"Instead, we're here, with Mr good-fur-nothing-lazy-pants doing the all the graft!" Amber sniffed with annoyance, as she threw a lobster back into the sea.
"Humphrey, your crabs are effurywhere, fur pity's sake do something with them!" Posie sniggered.
"Well that's what happens when mew frequent taverns of ill repute with furry low hygiene levels!" Amber roared with laughter.
Humphrey snorted with irritation. "Cats can't get crabs!"
"Well, either my eyes deceive me or I'm hallucinating that we've got a whole bunch of them on board!" Amber shrieked with hysterical laughter and fell off the beam she was sitting on.
"And it's much wurse fur mew," Posie added. "Because mew've got a real bad case of lobsters too!"
Humphrey clambered out of the hammock and landed rather inelegantly with a dull thud on deck.
"Right mew two, I've had enough of this!" he growled marching across the debris strewn deck. "I was having a furry relaxing time and mew two just ruined it!"
At that moment his expression froze, and then he froze as he stared out to sea with a look abject horror on his face.
Amber and Posie stopped laughing rather abruptly, followed his gaze and then screamed in unison.
* * *
"Cap'n Basil," Horice said. "Did ye and ye crew want to join me at the pagoda?"
I glanced at the others, who were nodding most eagerly at the unexpected invitation.
"Aye, that be a most hospitable offur of hospitality!" I answered. "What about Humphrey, Posie and Amber?"
Parsley who had been watching The Crimson Revenge thorough my telescope spoke. "They'll be having a great time, no stress, just a bit of cleaning up... if fact they're all just standing on the deck staring out to sea right now probably just enjoying the view, they've no idea how good they've got it!"
I took the telescope and checked fur myself, not that I didn't believe Parsley, it's just that I like to always get a second opinion. I lowered the telescope, collapsing it and placing it in the secret pocket in my hat. "Effurything looks pawsitively ship shape on board, so let's go crew!"
We set off and the jungle was dense as we traversed it sat o'top Horice's back. His gait was rather lurching and jerky but neffurless we could cover more ground this way and it was safer, as who knew what could be lurking in the vegetation.
It was quite some time before we reached our destination and to be honest the local scenery was rather breathtaking from our vantage point, it was most refreshing; much akin to a full recharge fur the soul.
Horice lumbered between a two stone pillars and we emerged into the most delightful tropical oasis.
There were plenty of ooooooh's and aaaaaah's from my crew as we progressed further into the beautiful gardens following a winding stone path.
We rounded a purticulary leafy corner and the strange glittering orb appeared in front of us in a bright halo of sparkling light.
"Whoa!" I breathed. "Horice what be thee twinkly ball o'er yonder?"
Horice chuckled, and we all had to grip on extra hard so we didn't fall off. "Cap'n Basil that be the enchanted orb of the pagoda."
I was just about to begin my barrage of questions when a mighty roar sounded.
Smoochie tapped me on the shoulder. "Basil, Basil, Basil?" he began.
I turned around. "Yes Smooch, what is it?"
"What's making that hideous wailing sound? Are we safe? They aren't going to eat us are they?" he gulped.
I understood his apprehension after nearly being shark bait or a bucket of fluffy chump earlier in the day.
"What be that blood curdling cry Horice?" I enquired trying to pin-point its location.
Effurypurrdy moved closer to me and I could feel them trembling, their breathing fast and hard.
I lifted my head and opened my mouth to taste the scents on the air. "Guys, purrlease give me some room," I asked and then realised the Heffle-lump hadn't answered my question, so I tried again. "Horice what be that dreadful noise?"
Horice seemed to be in a trance-like state and the glittering jewel in his forehead was glowing again. Then as abruptly as he'd stopped, he began his forward motion.
"Cap'n Basil, that be Amsted, worry ye not!" Horice answered. "He just be upset, as... well ye'll see for ye-selves soon enough."
A few minutes later we came upon a small clearing with a pool and an orangutan sitting beside it.
The orangutan looked up. "Horice ye great, big lump, where 'av ye been all these hours?" he asked rather curtly, then noticed us on the Heffle-lumps back. "And who be these furry creatures?"
"Amsted, this be Cap'n Basil and his crew," Horice said and then relayed the subsequent events since our furst meeting.
Amsted sat and listened intently, then said. "Well that be enough of that drama, I 'av a splinter in me finger still, can ye get it out?"
Snowie nudged me. "That's what all the wailing as about then!"
Parsley jumped down and landed with a soft thwump on the springy grass, he sidled towards Amsted and lifted up his paw flicking out his pantherene claws, one by one.
The orangutans eyes bulged and he stared in horror at the lethal talons on display. "What be this devilish magic?" he gasped.
Smoochie snickered and I elbowed him to be quiet.
"Greetings Amsted," I said from my perch. "That young panther be Parsley, one of me fine crew and if ye let him, he be able to alleviate ye of ye splinter troubles."
Amsted stared wide eyed at me, then at the claws and then at Horice and gulped loudly.
Horice nudged him with his trunk. "Amsted, let young Parsley assist ye, ye know me trunks no good for intricate work."
Amsted paused and then gingerly proffered his trembling hand. Parsley leaned in, pin pointed the offending, pain inducing slither, gave Amsted his most charming and reassuring panther smile and then in one fell swoop, his paw moved at lightning speed.
If mew blinked mew would have missed it. But in slow motion, his claw caught the edge of the splinter and removed it cleanly without any distress whatsoeffur.
The orangutan stared at his finger, then at Parsley and grinned in a way that would have made mew want to run fur the hills and hide fur a furry long time! [it was that scary!]
Amsted roared, but this time it was with sheer delight. "Thank ye kindly little, black, furry creature!" he smiled. "That tiny thing has been the source of much grief for so many moons and ye just whipped it out in a thrice!"
"My purrleasure!" Parsley grinned sheathing his lethal claws.
Horice seemed furry purrleased that his furriend was feeling better. "Amsted, we should go to thee pagoda as there be something that Cap'n Basil needs to see poste haste!"
I jumped down, quickly followed by Smoochie and Snowie who were keen to explore this beautiful place. Smoochie hurtled off one way and Parsley the other while Snowie sat with me and purrused all the purretties.
"They are such heathens!" Snowie murmured.
I nodded in agreement. "But they're young, it's what they do."
Amsted stood up and then swung up on Horice's back still holding onto his pineapple. "Ye can follow us Cap'n Basil!"
Horice picked up a bunch of bananas and we set off again. There was no sight of the two heathens, so I whistled them loudly and seconds later they tumbled out of the bushes in a rolling pile of black and white fur.
"Children!" chided Snowie. "Behave, we're in someones else's house now."
Parsley and Smoochie gave us a sheepish look and then grinned wildly at one another.
"Later dude!" Parsley smirked.
"Oh mew can betcha black fur on it matey!" Smoochie replied.
We approached the temple and I must say it was furry impressive. There was a huge glittering sapphire on the front of the main tower and I made a mental note to ask Horice about it later.
Smoochie had reverted back to heathen child and kept popping up behind all manner of things, much to Snowie's acute irritation.
"Cap'n Basil, ye need to see inside the temple," Horice said as we climbed the stone steps towards the entrance.
I took my sword off and propped it up against wall as we entered through a tall, carved archway and emerged into the darker inner sanctum with a beautiful lily pool at the centre. It was decorated with lions, so this met with my approval straight away, but what caught my eye was the orb.
As we moved towards the back of temple all of a sudden there was a ginormous splash behind us, and Amsted laughed loudly.
"It be Horice's bath-time, he hates saltwater!"
Horice's trunk broke the surface of cool, azure pool and blew a spray of water playfully into the air.
"Arrrrrrrr!" was all I said in response as we headed towards an alter and the glittering orb from earlier.
The orb seemed to be more blue now and it pulsed softly. Amsted beckoned me closer.
"Cap'n Basil, we 'av a secret to share with thee," he whispered conspiratorially. "Are ye ready for such enlightenment?"
I pondered this fur just a moment before I replied, "Aye Amsted I be ready... arrrrr!"
* * *
In the meantime back on The Crimson Revenge; Humphrey, Posie and Amber were riveted to the deck, like three furry statues as they watched in total, pant wetting terror as the water frothed and boiled. And just when they thought it couldn't get any wurse, several colossal green tentacles breached the surface, whipping and whirling, then thrashing back down into the water with huge splashing thwacks.
Humphrey screamed. Posie Screamed. Amber screamed.
The entire deck was just resonating with one giant scream.
"Humphrey what do we do?" Amber cried in panic.
"I second that, what do we do Humphrey?" Posie choked the wurds out.
Humphrey stared at the monstrous tentacles and then at Amber and Posie. "This is soooo, sooooo, sooooooo bad!" his voice was low and trembling. He took a deep breath before answering. "Abandon ship! Abandon Ship!"