featuring our latest mind-blowing, fur-raising, dam-busting, bestest adventure to date!
The Heathen Hoard are on a mission to save Sleepy Hollow, can they do it?
Back in the day as a F.I.B. Agent
[Field Intelligence Bureau]
** And Action! **
It was a cold February morning in 2007, the frost glimmered with a golden patina as the sun rays broke through the light mist. I wrapped my scarf tighter around my neck as I waited by the ancient oak tree next to the river.
Its branches were bare and covered in a powdery dusting of snow as I scanned the hedgerows fur my contact. I paced with much agitation as the minutes ticked by, finally deciding that something must be wrong I put in my headset and contacted Control.
"Control, this is Agent Basil, my C.I. hasn't arrived and I'm getting worried," I said into my comms unit. "Do mew have satellite surveillance on my position?"
"This is Control, copy that Agent Basil, we're checking your local now," a voice replied in a rather efficient manner.
A few moments later my comms crackled and the voice said, "Agent Basil we're zooming in on your position now..."
"Copy that," I replied as I paced around the tree again the icy ground crunching with each step.
"It would seem that mew have several unknowns surrounding your current local," there was a brief pause. "Our thermal camera's are picking up eight unknowns and your C.I. is nowhere to be seen."
I pondered this fur a second. "Can mew zoom in on my guests and give me an indication of who they are?"
"Yes sir, switching to normal vision now... zooming in now!" the voice said.
"Good," I answered, a little anxious as to whom else would be out here, at his unholy hour in the middle of nowhere when I just happen to have a scheduled meeting with my best C.I.
My comms unit crackled again. "Agent Basil, mew need to abort, I repeat mew need to abort the mission NOW!"
* * *
"Basil! Basil! Basil!" Smoochie almost screamed as he hurtled into the control room in the [now not secret] bunker. He was breathless and looked most flustered as he slid to an ungainly halt next to me.
"Smooch, dude, what on earth's the matter?" I asked.
"Heli... heli... heli..." he spluttered trying to catch his breath.
I stared at his upset expression with much perplexity.
"There's a... F.I.B. helicopter... landing down... the field... Basil!" his voice trembled and he started to get really agitated.
"Little dude, take a breath," I said gently. "Now start at the beginning."
Smooch gulped several big breaths to no avail before he continued.
"Me and Parsley... down field... heard chopper... looked up... saw F.I.B. logo... began to descend... towards field," he said trying to catch his panicked breath. "Coming to... get mew... Basil?"
Realising what he meant, I stared wide-eyed at him. "Coming to get me, fur what?" I asked uncertainly. "Smooch mew know I retired a long time ago, I'm done with that life."
"But what if..." Smoochie choked the wurds out.
"Smooch there's no what ifs, especially if mew and the rest of the hoard aren't included, mew know that!" I said firmly. "Comprende?"
Smoochie nodded and his tense grimace relaxed slightly.
Snowie was sitting quietly at the comms desk, listening intently but making no comment until several lights on the desk began to flash.
"Basil, Parsley is on channel one," she said efficiently.
"Put him on loud speaker," I said gently.
"Control come in, this is Parsley!"
"Parsley, we hear mew, what's your boggle dude?" I asked.
"I'm down the field and there's this dude dude, he says he knows mew... offur."
"Ask him his name."
"Copy that," Parsley answered before replying a few moments later. "Dude he says his name is C.J. Catkin."
Without realising I took a really sharp breath, the air made a swooshing noise as my lungs filled. I exhaled furry slowly suddenly aware that Snowie and Smoochie were watching me with keen regard.
"Who the flip is C.J. Catkin?" Snowie asked abruptly breaking my mental revelry.
I paused then said, "Parsley tell C.J. he has to wait by the chopper, furst we need an emergency meeting in the bunker. Snowie get the hoard in here asap!"
Minutes later we were all assembled in the control room.
Parsley held up his phone with a picture on its screen, "Do mew know this dude, dude?" he asked.
I glanced at it briefly and then nodded, "Yes I know him!"
Six expectant faces stared at me, waiting fur an explanation. I took a slow deliberate breath as I organised the jumbled memories in my mind that had flooded in and ravelled my brain up tighter than a ball of wool in a catnip frenzy the moment I saw his picture.
"Back in 2007 I was wurking on case, C.J. was a newbie at F.I.B. control but we wurked well together on many cases as he advanced through the Bureau, anyhoo I digress... this purrticular case was huge and another agency, The PITH or Private Intelligence Task-Force Headquarters were also investigating," I paused as I collected my thoughts. "Early one morning I was supposed to meet my best C.I. aka criminal informant fur the intel that would finally bring down a huge crime syndicate that traded in exotic animals."
Humphrey's hackles rose and he hissed angrily. "Did mew get those vile suckers Basil?"
I nodded and sighed. "Yes Humphrey I got them but the cost was high."
My six fursibs understood and nodded solemnly.
"That morning my C.I. neffur showed yet there were eight PITH Agents ready to ambush me! Now to this day I don't know how they found out about our meeting but they had nefarious intentions fur sure," taking a breath I continued. "Luckily fur me C.J. was at HQ in the comms room and without him alerting me to their presence that day who knows what would have happened."
"How did mew get away from them?" Smooch asked.
"Luckily I was trying out a new device called an i-MACK or Invisibility Mack, one push of a button and the wearer is rendered completely invisible and undetectable by any type of device including infrared, it was a great design and it wurked a treat that day enabling me to get intel from the PITH Agents without them having a clue!" I chuckled as I remembered how angry they were at my incredible escape. "I found out they they were actually trying to stop me from closing down the criminal element as those eight agents were durty, they were on the payroll of the crime syndicate and they didn't want their payday coming to a close, so that morning they had plans fur me plus they'd already found my C.I. and disposed of him that's why he neffur showed to the meeting!"
Horrified gasps sounded all around me.
"But where are those PITH agents now?" Amber asked.
I shook my head and shrugged, "As far I as I know they were squirrelled away to the top-secret maximum security facility located under The Tower of London, which I affectionately called; The Dungeon, I'll leave the rest to your imagination. I will say this though, it was a most heinous and distressing place to be!"
"So why has this C.J. dude appeared today?" Parsley asked.
I gave them a grim smile. "After I left the Bureau C.J. ended up as The Primo Director of The F.I.B. but he was still an Oppurations Manager the day I left and he said to me; 'Basil if those PITH Agents effur surface again mew're going to have a huge purroblem, but don't wurry I've got your back no matter what!' and that's the only reason I can think that he's here today."
"Mew think those eight pith-heads are out of The Dungeon?" Humphrey asked his hackles bristling again. "Don't mew wurry Basil, were armed to the teeth and dangerous as heck and we've got your back!"
"Yeah!" Smoochie agreed. "Were fast, furry and dangerous, those pith-heads have no idea what they're dealing with!"
I gave them all a tight smile and said, "Look guys I'd better go and get C.J."
"We're coming too!" six voices said in unison.
"I have to do this alone, ok?" I said. "But mew can watch me from here, get the drone out if mew like."
* * *
I emerged from the bunker entrance behind the summer house and stepped out into the fresh air, it was a cloudy day but still warm. Birds twittered in the trees, bees buzzed zipping from flower to flower and the butterflies fluttered aimlessly as if they had all day to do nothing.
I walked down the field towards the chopper and saw my old furriend waiting patiently fur my arrival.
C.J. Catkin hadn't changed one bit since I'd last seen him, apurt from being a little more solid, if mew get my drift.
I waved as I approached the chopper and he jumped down to meet me.
"C.J. great to see mew," I said extending my paw in greeting. "But it's a shame it's under these purrticular circumstances."
He shook my paw and nodded solemnly. "Good to see mew too Agent Basil, it's been a long time!"
I nodded. "Indeed it has,"
"I'm sorry just to drop in out of the blue but I'm sure mew know why I'm here."
I nodded again.
"Those eight PITH agents busted out of The Dungeon a few days ago and we can't find them anywhere," he said gravely. "There's not one lead either and that only leads me to conclude that they're out fur revenge and mew my old pal, are their numero uno target."
I nodded again, already aware of all the implications of his unexpected visit, then I cast my gaze towards the briefcase he was holding rather tightly.
"C.J. we'll talk in the bunker and I'll introduce mew to the rest of the hoard," I said leading the way.
We walked in silence until we finally reached the control room and upon entering we were met by the hoard, all up and at attention, like the purrfect heathen squad they were.
"C.J. mew've already met Parsley, he's our newest recruit," I began as we moved along the line. "This is Smooch, Amber, Snowie, Humphrey and Angel Posie."
C.J. shook effuryones paw until he got to Posie, he gave me a 'what do I do now' glance and I grinned.
"Posie is our Cloud Oppurative, she went offur the rainbow bridge offur a year ago but has managed to stay an active purrticipant in the corporeal wurld in her non-corporeal form," I explained.
"Oh fur flips sake Basil, just say that I'm The Phantom and let's move on!" Posie said brusquely.
"C.J. meet The Phantom aka Posie," I laughed.
"It's furry nice to meet mew Miss Phantom and I must say mew're the furst ghost I've effur met!" C.J. mused thoughtfully.
Posie smirked and extended her paw. C.J. tentatively reached out and touched her ghostly paw, his slipping right through it.
"Whoa!" he breathed shaking his paw. "That felt like voltage."
We all burst out laughing and then I explained. "Posie uses an electro-magnetic field generator to make herself visible to us, she draws the power directly from that purpose built generator, show him Posie."
Posie ambled to a glass box which appeared as if by magic from the centre of the main control panel, inside suspended mid-air was a gold metal disc which seemed to be rotating of its own volition. Paw extended she reached straight through the glass and touched the disc, a second later her light body glowed a vivid gold and she seemed to pulse with the golden light.
C.J. took a sharp inhale, "Oh my cat!"
Posie withdrew her paw and appeared even more solid than she had before.
"I can touch and feel stuff when I'm fully charged," she said smugly and then chuckled as she added. "The aftur-life has posed no challenge fur me!"
"I'm furry impurressed," C.J. said in amazement and then turned to me saying. "Agent Basil, The Bureau could really use some of that tech if mew're willing to share?"
I shrugged and then said. "C.J. I'm not an agent anymore, mew know that!"
He took a slow, deep breath before answering. "I'm here to officially reinstate mew. It's in your contract, Claws 10, sub-section 89J, paragraph 15, line 7." He pulled a copy of my contract out of the briefcase and handed it to me.
The hoard stared in disbelief and then pandemonium erupted.
** And Cut **
It's that time of the post again, when we bet mew've more questions than mew can shake your tail at!
OMC are mew really going let yourself be press-ganged back into The F.I.B.?
Is Posie just floating around the ether, like all the time?
Can we get an i-Mack?
What's in C.J.'s briefcase?
Does this mean mew will abandon The Hoard and go back to your old life?
How dangerous are those PITH-heads?
What lengths will the PITH-heads go to in exacting their revenge?
We're sure mew have many, many more but sadly we've run out of time today!
Many thanks fur joining us fur our furry furst episode of
FAST, FURRY & DANGEROUS
Don't furget to come back next Tuesday fur Part II
DON'T GO OUT OF THE GARDEN!!!
Agent Basil & The Heathen Hoard
If mew have a purroblem, if no-purrdy else can assist, and if mew can find them, then purrhaps mew can hire... the B-Team
[Like the A-Team only 'B' is fur BETTER! MOL]
P.S. Notice Fur Service Interruption: Unfortunately we won't be back until Friday as the P.A. has horrendous jet-lag and sadly doesn't know what dimension she's in at the moment! MOL [then again nothing new there about her being in an alternate dimension! MOL MOL #truestory]