We're The 'B' Team, oppurrating from a secret bunker somewhere in middle England ~ If mew have a purroblem, if no-purrdy else can help, and if mew find can us, then purrhaps mew can hire The 'B' Team. We also share a wide array of entertaining posts to amews mew each week, so drop by often to catch up on all the fun and remember, the wurld is way better with cats!
Welcome to the New Years Pet Parade Wunderpurr Furriends
Furstly before we start the festivities we'd just like to say a monster-sized thank mew to all our furriends, new and old fur being faithful readers of our blog as without mew there'd really be no point!
So we send mew much gratitude, purrs, head-bumps and gentle hugs fur visiting our mildlyeccentric [yeah right, uber eccentric is more like it! MOL] blog effury week, we love mew guys so much!
And now we'd love it if mew'd honour with your presence at our New Years Eve picnic, deep in the magical woods of Sleepy Hollow...
So pull up a cushion, get comfy and we'll get mew a niptini post haste and a plate full of nibbles while we watch the stars come up and the New Year come in!
If mew missed anything this week, here's the latest links fur your purrusal!
Welcome to our 16th Flashback post. Today we are revisiting one of our favourite adventure posts, so buckle up mateys, we're in pirate mode, arrrrrrrrr: Tuesday Tails ~ The Extraordinary Voyages of Cap'n Basil Blackheart & His Motley Crew ~ Part VIII, this one is from December 1st 2015, so we're hardly breaking a sweat with today's time-travelling excursion! MOL
Let's jump in the time dilation vortex and go just a little short, minuscules ways back....
Woo hoo, that was fun... not to swirly either! MOL
Featuring our latest bonkers time travelling pirate adventure The Extraordinary Voyages of Cap'n Basil Blackheart and his Motley Crew aboard The Crimson Revenge
Arrrrrr and greetings wunderpurr pals
Welcome to the 8th episode of our fabulous new adventure and just in case mew missed anything, here's the links fur last 7 epically epic episodes:
"Jumping jeepers!" Snowie burst out. "What the flip is happening?"
Horice is there anyway mew could toss me to the ship from here?" I asked urgently.
The heffle-lump thought fur a spell. "Aye Cap'n Basil, if I hold ye in me trunk and get a lash on I think I could possibly get ye the distance ye require."
"Make it so big guy!" I said. "I need to be on that ship, mew guys get the row boat and meet me there pronto."
Grasping Horice by the trunk, I gripped on tightly with both paws.
"Are ye ready Cap'n Basil?" he asked.
"Aye that I am!"
He lifted me up and then began to spin his trunk like a propeller, faster and faster and faster.
I was barely holding on when Horice yelled. "Now!"
I let go and was jettisoned at almost warp speed towards the ship.
As I flew I saw Parsley, Snowie and Smooch running along the soft, sandy shore towards the moored row boat with Horice hot on their heels.
I whipped my sword out and held it in front of me as I soared through the air like burd on a purrfect trajectory towards The Crimson Revenge.
Just as I had almost reached my crew, a huge thundering boom resounded around the bay, I barrel rolled to pinpoint the source and when I did locate it my heart sank, the Kraken was small fry compared to what was coming next.
* * *
So hold ye fast matey's, as we're in fur another wild ride today
A Blast in the Past
The Kraken sank beneath the waves in a huge plume of billowing steam and the raging fire was extinguished.
Landing on the deck with a bump and rolling most agilely to my paws, I pulled out my telescope and scanned the seas.
"Crew," I yelled. "Great to be back, thanks fur blowing up the Kraken and saving the ship but I'm afraid we've got another purroblem now!"
Amber let out a huge sigh. "Purrlease can we just take five?"
I shook my head as another boom resounded around the bay. Handing her the telescope, she sped in the direction I pointed.
"Oh fur flips sake!" she cried in dismay.
"What is it?" Humphrey asked taking the spy glass from her, he paused fur a second and then added. "This is not good and after all the damage we've sustained, we're like a sitting duck on a mill pond!"
Posie was next to observe. "Oh this bad, bad, bad! And we've only just gotten rid of the last purroblem!"
I took the spy glass back and looked again.
"There's good news and bad news," I said solemnly. "Which do mew want furst?"
"Defo the bad," my crew answered in unison.
"The ship fast approaching us is called The Filthy Pearl, she has 20 cannons each side and more crew than mew could count on Smooch's 3 paws times three. The capitan is called Raveneau and he was a total psycho, loony pirate... also that ship is the fastest ship of its time and by all accounts sank effurything it chased down. In 1683 Raveneau was the most feared pirate of all and the most cut throat too, there are other things, really rather horrible and most unpleasant but I don't think mew guys need to hear them right now... so that's the bad news."
"And what's the good news?" Posie gulped as another boom sounded and moments later there was a splash off the starboard.
"We have 21st century tech on board," I gave them an uber toothy grin, which if I'm honest was really, quite smirkingly eveel. "What mew guys don't know is that under the fragile wooden shell of The Crimson Revenge lies the hull of a 21st century warship, armed to teeth me hearties! AHAAAAAR!"
I laughed out loud as excitement trickled through my veins like an adrenaline shot of liquid catnip at the thought of sea skirmish with one of the most notorious pirates of the era. My crew gave me a series of rather puzzled looks.
"Arrrrrrrrrrr me scurvy crew, we be 'aving a little taste o' battle!" I said releasing my inner pirate. "Now get thee to ye battle-stations and let's be 'aving a blast in the past!"
Seconds later Smoochie hauled himself onto the deck, followed by Parsley and Snowie.
Humphrey sidled up to them, he took a swig of nip rum and then offured the bottle around. "Mew'll be needing this in a minute."
"What, are mew serious?" Snowie asked after Humphrey explained the situation. "We've been sailing a frigging warship, and now we've got bunch of hardcore pirates firing canons at us, and Basil is laughing about it?"
Humphrey nodded and gulped a bit more nip rum.
"Wow," Smoochie breathed. "This is just what I signed up fur!"
Parsley nodded in agreement and the pair pootled offur the smashed deck towards the stern.
"Basil! Basil! Basil!" Smooch yelled.
I peeked up from out of the cabin. "Smooch we've got..." I began.
"We know," Smooch answered. "Me and Parsley are furry excited, what can we do?"
"Well," I replied, my grin more manic than fat cat in a catnip factory. "We'll be 'aving little fun me hearties!" I whipped out the blue prints of the The Crimson Revenge and unrolled them, showing the ships inner core to Smoochie and Parsley.
They poured offur the documents fur a whole two minutes and grinned at me like they were fat cats in a catnip factory too. It warmed my heart to see them so excited. "Me likey a lot!" Parsley breathed in awe. "Me too!" Smooch said excitedly. "I want the 50 cal!" Humphrey, Snowie, Amber and Posie had joined us and were quietly surveying the blueprints, after a few a moments they joined the maniacally grinning brigade when they realised that we were more dangerous than napalm in the jungle.
Humphrey looked at me, his eyes glinting more mischievously than I'd seen in a long time.
Amber interrupted. "Yes, me and Posie are having the torpedo's, mew can take the other 50 cal."
I stared at my crew and shook my head, who'd have thought they'd be squabbling offur weapons like they were fighting offur a catnip mouse at a time like this.
"Look," I said tersely as another boom resounded from The Filthy Pearl. "Humphrey mew and Parsley take the mortar gun and rain a barrage of merry hell!" I turned to Smooch. "Mew take the 50 cal and and fire in small controlled bursts..." Smooch was smirking like cat on crack. "Smooch, small controlled bursts only!" I reiterated more sternly. "And shoot at anything that's headed our way."
Amber and Posie were getting antsy. "Where's the torpedo room?" Amber asked.
"There's a secret panel in there," I pointed to cabin behind me. "It's behind the bookcase, just pull the novel, Moby Dick and it'll open, go down the fireman's pole and mew'll be directly in the war room, effurything can be operated from there."
Before I could even blink my crew had skedaddled and I was left alone with Snowie, with nothing left to lose I shouted.
"BATTLE STATIONS ME HEARTIES, LET THE BATTLE BEGIN... ARRRRRRRRRRR!"
I pushed a remote controlled device and the secret weaponry hidden within The Crimson Revenge was revealed from behind sliding panels in less time than it took to say 'one niptini, shaken not stirred.' The sun glinting off the dull metal as it locked into place.
I took a long slow inhalation of the salty sea air and smelled the gun powder aroma and smoke from The Filthy Pearl wafting our way, I glanced around the deck and saw that Humphrey was seated behind the mortar gun and Parsley was loading the shells. They both had big orange ear muffs on.
Smooch was in position on the next deck up, he'd put on the yellow ear muffs and was stood on a metal platform, with the 50 cal belt fed machine gun aimed and ready.
I spoke into the small remote device. "Amber are mew ready?"
"Arrrrrrrr Captain, we be ready!" came her answer.
"CREW!" I yelled. "FIRE!"
Humphrey pulled the trigger on the mortar gun. The sound was deafening.
Canons sounded from The Filthy Pearl and I saw four flaming canon balls headed straight fur us. There were ten mortar shells headed straight fur them.
"SMOOCH, FIRE AT THE FLAMING BALLS!" I shouted.
Instantly Smooch let the 50 cal rip, ratatatat.... ratatatat.... ratatatat..... ratatatat.... the spent shells hitting the metal foot plate with a tinkling sound piling up around his back paw. Ratatatat.... ratatatat.... ratatatat..... ratatatat....ratatatat.... ratatatat.... ratatatat..... ratatatat....ratatatat.... ratatatat.... ratatatat..... ratatatat.... He was whooping with sheer joy as the bullet's headed towards the incoming missiles.
I yelled into the remote device. "Torpedo's ready.... FIRE!"
The canon balls exploded mid arc as Smooch kept his paw on the trigger, a rain of bullets hurtling through the air. Ratatatat.... ratatatat.... ratatatat..... ratatatat....ratatatat.... ratatatat.... ratatatat..... ratatatat....ratatatat.... ratatatat.... ratatatat..... ratatatat....
There was was an almighty CRASHING BOOM as The Filthy Pearl exploded, the gun powder in its hold igniting.
Smoke billowed up towards the sky and flames engulfed the ship.
Effurypurdy stopped firing and it seemed eerily quiet as we watched the pirate ship sink into the azure sea.
"Wow!" I said, when the crew assembled on the deck. "That was purretty intense!"
Smooch was glowing with pride. "I did it Basil! I did it Basil!" he beamed. "I blew those flaming balls into hell!"
"Mew did a great job Private!" I said. "Truly stellar, all of mew were pawesome!"
Humphrey took off his ear muffs and gave me a quizzical look. "So how come we had to fend off the Kraken with hot sauce, when if mew'd told us about the ship we could have just bombed that mother freaker into the netherworld?"
I knew that this was coming. "Humphrey, mew, Amber and Posie defeated the most feared sea monster of all time with nothing more than your sheer ingenuity and your lethal hot sauce," I answered. "Doesn't that make mew feel good, like really really good?" I paused. "Mew didn't need any fancy weapons, no modern tech and mew blew that mother freaker into oblivion and toasted its tentacled ass, mew are one serious, hardcore panfur!"
Humphrey thought about this fur a moment, his taught expression cracked into a broad smile and he cried out. "BOOYAH!"
"Besides, mew can't have a secret weapon if it's not a secret, can mew?"
The crew laughed.
"Shame about the pirates," Posie said. "NOT!"
I gave her a look. "Posie, there could be survivors and I think we should go see."
Amber tapped me on the shoulder and pointed towards the water.
"Ahhhhhh.... no survivors then.... too bad I always fancied making somepurddy walk the plank," I said taking in the multitude of sharks that had clustered offur the site of the sunken ship. "Sushi anyone? Then we'll have a big clean up and head back to shore in the morning."
* * *
Horice had seen the entire skirmish and stood thoughtfully pondering the possibilities.
"This changes everything," he murmured and wandered into the jungle.
As each week passes there are still so many questions, such as:
OMC, mew had a mini frigate hiding within The Crimson Revenge, how the flip did mew get that?
What about the crew of The Filthy Pearl, are they really toast and chump?
Where on earth do mew get all these cool weapons, like seriously?
What's Horice's boggle?
That's two things blown up today, will there be a third?
How come the weapons were still operable after the Kraken nearly crushed the boat?
Are mew really having sushi fur dinner?
What are mew going back to that crazy island fur?
Can mew trust Horice?
And that weird Amsted dude, what's his story?
* * *
To find out what happens next, drop by next Tuesday fur the continuing tension and to see what on earth is going to happen next, with only two more episodes left, will be home in time fur Catmass?
Join us tomorrow for our regular Wordless on Wednesday post as mew know how much we love your visits, nip tea and light refreshments are prepared fresh should mew require anything while mew're here, mew only have to ask.
Hearty purrs and salty sea-spray head rubs
Cap'n Basil & the Crew of The Crimson Revenge XOX
If mew would like to read The Extraordinary Voyages of Cap'n Basil Blackheart & His Motley Crew in its entirety please click the links below: