Tuesday, 15 March 2016

Tuesday Tails ~ Pirate Q&A ~The Secrets of The Voyages of Captain Basil Revealed ~ Part III

Welcome to 


 Pirate Q&A 

The Secrets of The Voyages of Captain Basil Revealed

So me seafaring pirating fiends, are ye ready to discover all the secrets, and get thee answers to thee questions that have been keeping ye awake night aftur night??


If ye missed the previous Q&A just be clicking the links below:

Now that we be 'aving that out of thee way, let's be getting on with divulging the answers from  Part III 

Here's the questions:

What the heck is a Heffle-lump?

Well mew may remember that I said last week that Heffle-lumps are akin to an elephant, which is true but unlike elephants Heffle-lumps have mystical powers, which we are just discovering since Horice came home with us.  To be  honest what he can do is really quite remarkable, we thought that it was the weird energy/power on the island which made him a little bit magical, howeffur it seems he is so in his own right.  It has something to do with the sapphire jewel on his forehead, which is sometimes there and sometimes not... this phenomenon is still under investigation by Snowie and we'll reveal more as its uncovered by our elite team of investigative scientists.

And really, pygmy cannibal tor-tye's? REALLY?

Yes really pygmy cannibal tor-tyes are actually real and if mew effur have the misfortune to stumble across a posse of them, my advice is run far, far, far away and furry quickly.  Mew see they've learnt offur time that no-purrdy takes them seriously and while their unsuspecting prey is laughing so hard at the sheer absurdity of it all, with the slow approach and the paint on their shells etc... the tor-tye have actually already got mew in the stew pot with the carrots, turnips and potatoes with the water boiling nicely!    

Again, where the flip are mew?

This we answered last week, and revealed that upon our return we discovered that we'd been inside the Bermuda Triangle or Twilight Zone, whicheffur mew want to use is ok by us. 

Are mew and the crew going to be tasty delicacies fur an army of graffiti covered tortoises?

No, we are not due to the fact that we actually had insider information from Horice and also some well needed assistance from a furry kindly pod of dolphins. So in essence we were furry fortunate that day, because if Horice had not been there we would surely have been soup of the day! 

How will mew outrun this new threat?

Furry quickly, like skedaddling back to the rowing boat post haste! MOL

How fast do they run, seriously?

Appurrently offur the last few yard they can exceed speeds of 20mph- ish, which fur any pygmy species is quite an achievement.  Horice says that they eat some special leaves called coa-kaynee which only grows on the island which gives them the speed they need fur the final take-down/sprint. They gollop a few leaves just before they begin the chase as the leaves can take anywhere between 5 and 20 minutes to fully metabolize, that's why their increase in speed is gradual.  Once the coa-kaynee is fully metabolized it's akin to a nitrous boost on a car, giving them incredible speed offur a short distance, thus rendering their hysterical [laughing hysterical] but now screaming hysterical prey offurwhelmed and trussed up before they even know what's really happened.

Can they swim too?

No, this is a certainty, they can't swim but it would have done no good getting in the water to out manoeuver them as it was full of sharks and furry hostile ones at that, with purroper gnashers gnashing, we'd take our chances with the pygmy tor-tye any day offur that.  

Like seriously, OMC, this is seriously serious!  OMC this is wurse than 'LOST' they only had polar bears to deal with!

Yes, they only had polar bears and some seriously nutty peeps to deal with, this place has Amsted the orangutan, now he is one seriously weird dude, but we'll get to that in due course. 

What other threats lurk on this seemingly idyllic island?

Well, there were quite a few other threats on the island which we only discovered after our return to the future.  Horice imparted to us that we'd actually really had a rather quiet visit compared with our unfortunate predecessors, as usually no-one effur leaves - alive.  If the pygmy cannibal tor-tye didn't do their job purroperly here's a list of the rest of the eveels that lurked on the island:

Sabre tooth goats

Fire breathing banshee's

A rather nasty hydra called Stan

The dreaded and much feared zombie wolves

Shape shifting black panthers

Chameleon bears that can blend in anywhere

A pack of harpies

A jungle full of assassin vines

Giant razor backed arachnids

Blood sucking vampire bees

We could go on but think it's wise to stop there as we don't want to cause nightmares fur anypurrdy .


The Tabbies of Trout Towne asked us; What the fishing was like?

Our answer is, mostly furry deadly ~ Our hearty recommendation is DON'T DO IT - well upon reflection mew can do it but just fish with due and attention as otherwise mew could end up with a Kraken on your deck! MOL

Also Flynn pondered that maybe the strange orb that brought the heffle-lump can transport you all out of danger.

The orb was a furry mystical object, and we also found out in episode VI  that is was a pocket universe where The Creator actually hung out on occasion - who knew!? But we'll reveal more about that in future Q&A revelations. 

Kitties Blue wanted to know; If they were teenage tortoises, and possibly mutant?

We asked Horice if they we're teenagers, he replied that some were, and yes they are most definitely mutant, due to the huge amounts of electro-magnetic energy emitted by the island.   He also imparted that the teenage ones were rather more malevolent than their elders due to the fact that they were going through juvenescence and their desire fur a good, home-cooked high-protein dinner was their sole raison d'etre - hence their determination fur getting freshest produce available [preferably still alive and kicking as it goes into the pot ]   

So until next weeks Pirate Q&A, shiver me timbers, get thee a bottle o'nip rum and a hammock, and we'll be seeing mew on the morrow!

   Aharrrrrrrrrrrrrr me hearties and sail the highs sea's safely, until next time

Hearty purrs and salty sea-spray head rubs

Cap'n Basil & the Crew of The Crimson Revenge XOX


  1. guys.....seer ee iz lee....due ewe noe hoe feerce shape shifin pantherz wood bee ....letz think bout thiz fora wee minit.........la la la laa laaa la ....yea...shape shiftin pantherz wood bee total kewl....can ya go bak & bring a few home !! ♥♥♥

    1. OOOhhhhh tabbies, shape shifting panthers are seriously cool, but also furry deadly and really, mew want me to go back to that island and bring some back to the future? OK but only if mew come with me! MOL MOL xox

  2. So what was it that you and The Creator discussed. It must have been very important for you to not have told us.

    1. Flynn, don't panic, we're not at that point yet where I met The Creator - ALL WILL BE REVEALED in good time of course!!! MOL XOX


*Waves Paw* we love comments and do purr extra loud when mew leave one, and we do try to reply to effurypurrdy and visit mew too! ❤️❤️❤️

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