Tuesday, 2 August 2016

FAST, FURRY & DANGEROUS ~ Revenge of the P.I.T.H ~ Part IV

Welcome to

featuring our latest mind-blowing, fur-raising, dam-busting, bestest adventure to date!

The Heathen Hoard are on a mission to save Sleepy Hollow and life as they know it, can they do it?

Pawesome greetings supurr pals

Welcome to part IV of our edge of your seat adventure, and if mew missed previous episodes, here's the catch up links:


A quick recap from the last episode:

"OH *&@&!" Humphrey cursed. "Can this day get any wurse?"

Just then the bunkers private telephone began to ring.  Snowie jumped off the chair and headed to the comms station.

"Put it on loud speaker and use the bogus business name when mew answer," I said quickly. "And no-purrdy make a sound."

"Welcome to the Cats Whiskers Holistic Health Retreat, this is Suki how may I help mew?" Snowie said sweetly.

"Cut the crap!" a voice growled through the speaker. "And get me Basil Widdairs right now otherwise mew'll be getting another surprise!"

"Let mew put mew on hold just one second while I redirect your call," Snowie continued in her sweetest tone.

She pushed a button and put the PITH-head on hold before saying, "What the flip do we do now? Those maggots have even got our private unlisted number!"

I didn't have time to stall, so I said. "Start the trace and put him on the loud speaker now!"

Snowie pushed the trace button and released the hold button.

"This is Basil Widdairs," I said. "What do mew want?"

A malevolent laugh rang out. "Mew have no idea how long I've waited to hear your voice and now I can tell mew exactly how I'm going to ruin your life once and fur all."

** And Cut **

Part IV

Close Encounters of the PITH-Kind

I took a breath and steadied my voice before answering. "Look here mew PITH-heads, bring it on!" I growled menacingly. "Mew want a war, mew've got one!"

"Mew scrawny liver-eating..."

BEEP.... BEEP.... BEEP....

"This call has been disconnected," said a robotic voice through the loud speaker.

I stared at Snowy, then at the rest of the assemble hoard. "Did mew manage to trace the call?"

"That's was odd," Snowy replied. "The line just cut out and we were five seconds from pinpointing their exact local."

"Furry odd indeed," I mused. "Tell me where did the trace stop?"

"A few clicks down the road, near Maplemeadow," Snowy answered.

"Humphrey send out a drone and see what mew can find out, ok?"  I said quickly.

"I'm on it!" Humphrey said and scooted out of the control room.

*    *    *

Meanwhile in a telephone box a few miles down the road in the neighbouring village of Maplemeadow, the PITH were experiencing a few technical issues.

"This flipping, freaking, flipping rubbish satellite phone... %@*&... *%@£!" screeched the squirrel as he bashed it against the phone box. "And stop eating those nutz Gnosher, you're driving me insane!"

"Chill Ace, mew know I have to keep my nutz levels up," Gnosher replied as he stared out of the window.

"Why won't this confounded phone wurk?" Ace screeched again.

"It's pre-pay, did mew put the extra minutes on it like Dwight instructed?" Gnosher said absently.

Ace's response is actually unprintable, but needless to say the phone didn't survive!

A few moments later Gnosher said. "Ace, do we have any drones up at the moment?"

"Why?" Ace asked chewing on a Brazil nut to calm his nerves.

"No reason," Gnosher replied watching the approaching drone.

"Focus Gnosher and get a grip," Ace said icily suddenly wundering why he'd brought the stupid squirrel with him. "Why did mew ask me about drones?"

"There's one coming in at three o'clock," Gnosher said with a goofy grin spreading offur his face. "And it's so pretty with all those flashing lights on it!"

Ace flipped, literally flipped. "AAAARRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

He dragged Gnosher by the tail out of the telephone box and scampered towards the forest that separated Sleepy Hollow and Maplemeadow.

"I need my nutz!" Gnosher cried out as he was unceremoniously removed leaving his nutz and gun behind.

*    *    *

The drone zoomed through the sky as Humphrey followed on his ATV zipping down the narrow country lanes.  He kept pulling offur and stopping to watch the drones progress on the paw-held control unit.  The small screen showing a burds-eye view of effurything.  He engaged the thermal camera function and heat-seeking option on the screen and the drone sped up automatically zeroing in on the furst available heat-source.

"Control this is Purredator One, put comms on two," he said. "I repeat comms on two."

"Copy that Purredator One," Snowie replied.

"Sending live data feed in three, two, one, mew should have a visual," Humphrey said.

"Copy that," Snowy said again as the drones footage appeared on screen in the control room.

"Thermal camera and heat-seeking mode engaged."

"Good job Purredator One" I said. "Now what's the good news?"

The images flashed across the screen as the drone circled above the telephone box and then headed towards the tree-line about fifty yards away.

"I'm wurking on that part," Humphrey replied. "But I've got to go off-road now and into the forest."

"Copy that Purredator One, offur and out," Snowie answered and then turned to me. "Is it really such a good idea that Humphrey's gone off the reservation on his own?"

"Mew know Humphrey, once he gets into the zone who knows what may happen," I answered thoughtfully. "Look he's not going engage eight loony PITH-heads, who are actually nuttier than a forest full of squirrels..." I thought about this some more. "But then again, he was watching the Purredator movies again last night, so him going full on off the reservation is a high possibility right now.  Just keep an eye on him ok?" 

*    *    *

Ace and Gnosher scampered deeper into the trees until they came to a small clearing.

Ace rounded on Gnosher and said. "Gimme that walnut mew freak!" 

He lunged forward trying to snatch the walnut  from Gnosher.

"Awwwwww Ace that was my last nut until we get back to base!" Gnosher moaned as Ace jumped up the nearest tree with the big juicy nut.

Sitting high up in the branches, the two PITH-heads sat as still as two squirrels could.  Ace slowly gnawed on the nut while Gnosher looked on dejectedly.  Aftur a few moments of silence Gnosher said. "Ace, I can hear that drone again."

Ace stopped eating and zoned in on the incoming drone.

"Get as close to the trunk as possible," he whispered. "There's no way we can make a run fur it now, they'll bag and tag us fur sure."

"I knew we should have brought a radio with us," Gnosher said.

"Well why didn't mew?" Ace snapped.

"Because mew said we'd got the satellite phone," Gnosher replied. "But if I'd brought a radio, we could have contacted the guys and..."

Ace punched him in the mouth and growled. "Shut up imbecile!"

*    *    * 

Two small blobs appeared on screen nestled high in the trees as the thermal data streamed live to the control room. 

"Control this is Purredator One, copy?" Humphrey said.

"Copy Purredator One," Snowie replied.

"Target acquired, on screen, purrlease advise," Humphrey inquired.

I looked at the screen and pondered the possibilities fur a moment.

Amber said. "I think we should exterminate them!"

I gave her a look and shook my head. "Think of the lost bounty if we do that," I replied. "We need to bring 'em back alive."

She mumbled an unspeakable under her breath and then conceded. "OK but with my share of the bounty I'm adding a beauty parlour and spa to the bunker!"

I shrugged and said. "Sure thing, whateffur makes mew happy as long as it's on level eight." 

"Purredator One this is Control," Snowie said. "Oppurations says to track only, I repeat track only. DO NOT ENGAGE."

"Copy that," Humphrey answered calmly. "Sending drone into stealth mode now." Then he added to himself, "And I'm going into full Purredator mode, total chameleon HOOYAH!"

The whining noise of the small motor suddenly went silent as the picture continued to live stream.

*    *    *

Gnosher was rubbing his jaw as Ace peered up through the foliage. 

"Can mew here that?" Ace asked, ears pricked and on alert.

Gnosher shrugged.

"The drone... listen..." Ace instructed his rather dim comrade.

"Can't hear a thing," Gnosher replied as he listened intently.

"It's gone," Ace smirked and began to laugh. "I told mew that stupid Basil cat had cheap, substandard equipment, probably the battery failed and it crashed into the forest... stupid pussy!"

The two squirrels laughed so hard they nearly fell out of the tree.

A short while later the chuckling pair scampered through the forest towards their secret base camp.

Upon entering their camp, they noticed it was conspicuously quiet.  

"Where's the team?" Gnosher asked.

Ace scanned the trees and then pointed skywards. "Up top, let's go."

*    *    *

"Purredator One, this is Control do mew copy?"

"Affurmative Control," Humphrey said softly.

"What's the good news?" I asked.

"Control, the PITH have no idea we're still tracking them," Humphrey whispered. "I've moved closer to the forest, live streaming is not possible at this time but I'll keep mew posted, offur and out."

"Control out," Snowie answered just as the control room screens went dark.

"Snowie," I said. "Humphrey seems to have the surveillance mission under control, so I'm going to take a little road trip to see our old furriend Dwight Dastardly, are mew OK here?" I asked.

Snowie nodded. "All ok and Amber's here, so I have back up."

"Good, well I'll be a few hours, but any purroblem let me know," I said heading out of the control room. "I'll be on the long range comms unit, channel eight if mew need me."

I'd just stepped into the corridor when Smoochie and Parsley bounded up to me.

"Basil we have the list!" Smoochie said waving a piece of paper at me.

"Give it to Amber so she can purruse it ok?" I replied.

"Where are mew going?" Parsley asked.

"I'm going to see my pal Dwight Dastardly."

"Who?" Smooch asked as he dashed into the control room and back out again shouting instructions to Amber.

Then I remembered they weren't in on that part of the conversation, so I filled them in as we walked towards the elevator.

We descended to level four and the elevator doors pinged open.  I scanned the huge garage and decided what wheels to take.

"Can we come Basil?" Smooch asked.

"Yes, can we come Basil?" Parsley asked.

In that moment I knew there was no way I was going on this mission alone.

"OK," I said. "But don't touch anything when we get there and don't say anything either, just let me do all the talking!"

"Sure, absolutely, no touching and defo no talking!" Smooch grinned and winked at Parsley.

"Scouts honour!" Parsley concurred raising his paw. 

I sighed inwardly and reached fur a set of keys from the key cabinet.

"We'll take that one," I said heading towards one of my favourite vehicles.

"Yeah!" Smooch whooped and paw-bumped Parsley.

"Dude," Parsley beamed as we got into the hummer. "This vehicle is rad!"

I smirked and replied. "I know!"

We drove in silence most of the way to Dwight Dastardly's compound.   Smooch and Parsley seemed transfixed with all the other motorists staring at us as we motored along, I mean mew'd think that peeps had neffur seen three cats driving a hummer before.

"Basil," Smooch finally said. "Do mew actually have a driving license?"

"Oh sure," I answered waving my paw dismissively smiling inwardly as I thought how much the license had cost me. "And I've got fully comp insurance too, mew have no idea how hard that was to get."

"I can imagine," Smooch murmured. 

"How long till we get there?" Parsley asked as he began to fidget in his seat.

"Round the next corner," I laughed.

"Really?" Parsley said.

"Yes really," I replied as we turned on to a single track lane. "It's only a few miles down here."

"Thank Bast fur that," Parsley said. "I'm nearly piddling myself."

Smooch began to chuckle. "Looks like I'm not the only piddle-pants today!"

"Ha ha ha!" Parsley grumbled, then added. "But I haven't actually pee'd myself yet."

"Children, stop it!" I ordered as we drove through the solid metal gates into the compound.

It was surrounded on three sides by dense woodland and if mew looked at it from an aerial view there was nothing fur miles around, it was the purrfect location fur a dodgy dealer in arms and ammunitions. The chain-link fence topped with three rows of razor-wire encompassed the huge compound and at its centre was a shed the size of an aircraft hanger.  Rows and rows of all models of military vehicles were lined up by type and Smooch gasped as he saw all the toys he been dreaming of furrever in the flesh.

"Basil..." he began.

"NO," I answered.

"But..." he tried again.




"Awwwwww, mew're no fun!" he mumbled.

"I told mew both, no touching and no talking," I reminded them as I parked up in front of the hanger. "Stay in the hummer and don't move." Then I added. "Parsley out, go piddle and get back in."

Parsley grinned as he clambered offur Smooch and fell out of the door and raced behind the hummer.

I wandered into the hanger and headed towards the office through a myriad of artillery weapons and smaller military vehicles.  The smell of diesel, petrol, engine oil and gun oil filled my nostrils and I inhaled the aroma's and grinned like a cat in a catnip factory, I loved this place.  Heading along a row of second world war wyllis jeeps I rounded the corner and admired a new batch of Alvis FV603 Saracens, making a mental note to get one asap.

"Dwight!" I called out as I approached the old converted shipping container aka office. "Dwight where are mew?  It's me Basil!"

I stood listening, but heard nothing.  I poked my head through the door that had been cut into the side of the container but it was empty inside and a lot messier than usual.

"That's strange," I muttered and began to walk around the inside of the hanger admiring all the new tech, weapons and downright delicious ex-MOD goods that were on offur.  I called out again as it seemed just too quiet, usually there were four or five yard-dudes wurking on the vehicles or doing whateffur arms dealers usually do... nuff said.

There was a metallic crash behind me and I spun around to see Smooch and Parsley purrtending they didn't just knock a pile of AK47's on the floor.  The pair of them stared at the ceiling whistling the tune from the Great Escape and looked at anything but me.

Smooch suddenly pointed up into the gloomy rafters and opened his mouth.

"Shhhhhh!" I snapped. "What did I tell mew both, no touching and no talking!"

Parsley began to jab his paw towards the ceiling, Smooch followed suit.

"Oh fur all that is merciful, give me strength," I muttered and just as I was about to look up my comms unit buzzed. I tapped the headset. "Basil here."

I could hear Snowie's voice on the crackly line.  "Basil, we have a situation," she began. 

"Go ahead," I replied turning my back on the two heathens.

"A package has just been delivered and it's ticking," she said her voice filled with dread.

"Recall Humphrey immediately and get the package into the bomb detonation room asap," I sighed heavily calculating how long it would take us to get back. "Wheel it in on the trolley and try not to shake it.  Do not do anything else till I get back, ok?"

"Copy that, offur and out!" Snowie replied.

 I turned around to see Smooch and Parsley still silently staring into the rafters, waving their paws around madly.  

"Can this day get any more bizarre?" I muttered under my breath as I peered up towards the ceiling.  It took a moment fur my eyes to adjust to the gloom and then I realized what I was looking at.

"Jumping jeepers and smoke me a kipper!" I choked out not quite believing what I was seeing.

My comms unit buzzed again. "Basil, Humphrey's gone AWOL!" Snowie said ugrgently.

"OH HECK!" I answered.

** And Cut **

It's that time of the post again, when we bet mew've more questions than mew can shake your tail at!

Such as:

OMC How could mew leave us hanging like that and we've got a whole week to wait?!! Again & again!!

Those PITH-heads are really quite nutz, literally, how will mew deal with that?

Gnosher seems a little slow, what's his deal?

Ace seems rather unhinged and purrobably capable of anything, is he the PITH-heads leader?

Will Humphrey be ok in the forest on his own, doing recon with a stealth drone?

And speaking of stealth drones, can we get one?

Does Dwight Dastardly sell them and if so how much?

Where is Dwight and his yard-dudes?

And when did Parsley and Smooch learn sign language?


We're sure mew  purrobably have many more but to be honest we can't think of any right now as a whole new really intense situation has just flared up!

Many thanks fur joining us today and don't furget to come back next Tuesday fur Part V

Until then


Bestest purrs

Agent Basil & The Heathen Hoard

[Copyright: Hummer Image StockPhotosLV & ATV image  used under license from Shutterstock.com]


  1. Hmm, those two squirrels, they don't seem up to doing real crimes, I wonder if they have been put up to it? Talking of up, are Dwight and his crew suspended from the ceiling? Be careful Basil, this could all a tactic to get you split up? Heavens more possibilities than you could shake a nip mouse at! PS can you get a price from Dwight for one of those drones, thanks. purrs ERin

    1. Erin, mew haven't see their leader yet - like OMC OMC OMC!!!! And yes, so many possibilities, so many plot avenues to travel and which one will we take? MOL MOL XOX

      P.S. Dwight says because mew're royalty and live in a palace mew can have a free drone but don't tell anyone as it'll ruin his street cred!

  2. Squirrels are always up to no good,lucky thing they don't plan things very well,xx Speedy

    1. Speedy, mew haven't met their leader yet, it may be that we need to call Bunzilla!!! MOL XOX

  3. Thanks for the share, love reading your blog.

  4. GUYS !!!!!! NOW we now what a pith iz.......bass terd vizshuz squirel N az bad az vizshuz deer....

    we NEW we waz gonna bee sittin on de edge oh R seetz again... sew this time we red yur total lee awesum must be made into a best sellin novel viral videe oh mega block buster at de mooveez storee... while we chillaxed on rugs !!! N we still fell off de rugs ? frum de suzpenze

    A PAWZ A PAWZ A PAWZ....R twoz day just getted a hole lot better ♥♥♥

    1. Tabbies, dudes mew know how vizshuz those squirrels can be and mew haven't even seen their leader yet! EEEEK!

      Mew had us severley MOL-ing at:- yur total lee awesum must be made into a best sellin novel viral videe oh mega block buster at de mooveez storee --- we wish!!! MOL

      Sorry mew fell off the rug, is there anywhere safer mew can read next weeks installment? XOX

  5. Da tabbies fell of their rug, I hid under mine! I was nearly a piddle pants too! One question, when this is over and the Pith heads have pithed off, can I have a ride in the Hummer?

    1. Flynn, mew were neffur nearly a piddle pants - we don't believe mew - we think mew're just trying to make Smooch feel better because he IS a little piddler! MOL

      And of course mew can have a ride in the hummer, anytime buddy!!! XOX

  6. You really need to eat those pith heads, they are trouble.

  7. Yup, they'll do that. They'll do that, for sure! Squirrels, I mean. Squirrels will laugh so hard they'll almost fall out of their trees. I study 'em when they're racin' around on the oak tree at the end of my driveway and they don't realize I'm watchin'. Nissy used to study 'em, too, and he didn't invent the saying 'bout things bein' crazier than squirrels makin' nut pies for nothin'. Nothin' much crazier than that. MOUSES!


    1. Squirrels, shmeralls! Seville the ones I'm dealing with here are rather evil and will stop at nothing to exact their revenge!!! Eeeeek

      But if mew have any tips, as mew seem to be an authority on the subject, don't be bashful tell me all! MOL MOL XOX


*Waves Paw* we love comments and do purr extra loud when mew leave one, and we do try to reply to effurypurrdy and visit mew too! ❤️❤️❤️

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