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Wednesday, 19 May 2021
**TOP SECRET - CLASSIFIED B TEAM FILES **2016 REVISITED** FAST, FURRY & DANGEROUS ~ REVENGE OF THE P.I.T.H ~ Part VIII
**TOP SECRET - DO NOT READ WITHOUT CLEARANCE**
CLASSIFIED B TEAM FILES
FAST, FURRY & DANGEROUS
Pawesome Wednesday greetings supurr pals
Welcome to Part VIII of our epically epic and rather explosive report ~ only available here, fur your eyes only in the CFR [Classified File Room], and if mew missed any reports, here are the links:
I could hear Parsley screaming, not like a gurl but like a purrson who only had just offur a minute left to live.
My heart was thumping so fast I thought it was going to burst from my chest as I angled my body again, changing direction slightly and careened down towards him, willing myself to go faster as the ground loomed closer and Parsley tumbled out of control. I knew I only had seconds to save him and my throat clenched tight, my breath restricted as the cold air whooshed past me ruffling my fur in all kinds of weird ways. And if that wasn't bad enough, the overwhelming dread of our imminent mortality, which now rested firmly in my paws and made my body tingle with gut-wrenching fear from the tops of my ears to the tip of my tail.
I know we'd had a few close shaves before, but the scenario I suddenly found myself in terrified me to my furry soul, and there was no coming back from this purrticular one if it went completely south and we hit rock bottom.
Parsley was only a few feet away, and I reached out fur him shouting. “Grab my paws!”
His goggles had come off, and he stared straight at me, his lucid green eyes glimmering bright green. “No time dude, pull your reserve chute and save yourself!” he yelled back. “Mew still have time!”
“No way dude!” I screamed at him as I managed to grab hold of his rig with the tips of my claws.
“Let me go and save yourself!” his voice was high and shrill.
Pulling him closer, I grappled to get a firm grip, and in the tiny, minuscule moment, I happened to glance down, then wished I hadn't.
* * *
Amber was screaming in the garden as Humphrey suddenly appeared from the secret tunnel.
“What the fluff?” he asked, hurtling towards her.
“I can't look!” she cried in dismay, covering her eyes with her paws.
Humphrey looked rather purrplexed as his comms unit suddenly crackled. “Purredator One come in; this is Control,” Snowie said, her voice fraught and tight.
“Go ahead Control, I'm back in the garden,” Humphrey answered.
“Look up!” Snowie instructed.
He did, then his eyes bugged out, and his jaw gaped; he closed it and then tried to speak. “Wwwwwhat?”
“Parsley's chute failed,” was all Snowie said.
“What can we do?” he snapped.
“I don't know,” Snowie said, starting to cry. “There's no time to do anything!”
“Oh my cod fur all that is merciful!” Humphrey choked out. “There must be something we can do... there must be something!”
* * *
Smoochie flung his helmet off and quickly pulled on the headset. Then he looked at the high-tech control panel of the Black-Burd, and his heart gave a little stutter as he squeaked. “This is nothing like the chopper flight-simulator in the bunker, OH FLIPPIN' FREAKING FLUFF!”
He hit his comms unit as the rotors started to slow. “Control, I need a patch to C.J. in the hummer right now!” he shouted anxiously. “I have a code red emergency. I repeat, I have a code red emergency!”
The chopper started to slip sideways through the air, and he felt his stomach lurch. “CONTROL CODE RED!” he yelled into his comms panicking, it was at that precise moment he saw Parsley's terrifying plight. “CONTROL, COME IN!”
A second later, Snowie answered, her voice quivering. “This is Control, Smooch. I'm trying to patch mew direct to the hummers radio, but C.J. isn't answering.”
“This burd is going down fast, and I don't know how to fly it,” Smooch said desperately.
Snowie gulped audibly, suddenly frozen to the spot as she continued to watch the monitors in the control room; effurything was happening so fast and broadcasting in HD as the motion-activated camera's tracked the unfolding nightmare in real-time.
* * *
Snitch and the P.I.T.H. were poised on the outskirts of Mewton-Clawson when they saw the five fighter jets make another low pass.
“Are those missiles ready?” he growled. “We might neffur get another opportunity to shoot down some of Basil's allies.”
“Priming now!” Bazooka Bros #1 answered.
“Ready!” Bazooka Bros #2 said a moment later.
“Well, what are mew waiting fur, a flipping invitation, FIRE!” screeched Snitch.
The heat-seeking missiles launched skywards, tracking the fighter jets, and Snitch cackled with manic-delight.
The five planes split off in evasive manoeuvres and rolled to avoid the missiles; the missiles then promptly changed their trajectory and began to close in on two of the nearest fighter jets.
The two pursued jets rolled and twisted, heading higher in the sky before releasing a slew of anti-missile flares, and the missiles exploded a few moments later, their targets missed.
Snitch swore like a tavern keepers daughter on a Saturday night at closing time and screeched. “FIRE AGAIN AND KEEP FIRING!”
The Bazooka Brothers had already reloaded and fired simultaneously, the missiles rocketing into the sky. They reloaded and fired again. Then again and again. The onslaught was unmerciful as missile aftur missile hurtled skywards, and the pilots split apart again, trying to evade the new threat as they manoeuvred their planes in an aerial ballet dance deploying more anti-missile flares.
The sky was a mass of glaring red explosions as the missiles were lured by the decoy flares and detonated one aftur the other like the biggest firecracker mew have effur seen. Mewton-Clawson had suddenly become a war zone and the fighter pilots didn't hesitate before unleashing their furry own brand on hell on the P.I.T.H.
* * *
As if my situation couldn't get any wurse, I was suddenly surrounded by exploding missiles as I gripped Parsley with all my might while desperately trying to pull the ripcord on my emergency chute with my free paw. I just couldn't seem to get any purchase on the release hook as my paws felt numb with the cold. The air around us was on fire and stank of acrid gun smoke as we continued to plummet downwards, with our speed increasing exponentially.
Parsley gave me a smile and shouted. “Basil thank mew fur effurything, dude mew're the bestest furiend a kitty could effur have.”
My heart squeezed to the point I thought it would implode in my chest, and my mouth refused to wurk as he just smiled at me accepting his fate with a reconciled grace, as my mind screamed, 'NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!'
* * *
The rotors on the chopper had slowed so much that the Black-Burd was just free-falling on a side-ways angle towards the field; Smooch glanced in the back to see if there was another parachute and gulped when he saw the parachute locker was bare.
The sky all around him began to explode, and he did scream like a gurl. “Snowie fur fluffs sake, get a grip and get me C.J. stat!”
Half a second later, he heard C.J.'s voice on his comms unit. “Don't speak, just listen,” he instructed calmly. “There's a big blue button right in front of mew, just hit it.”
Smooch's panicked eyes scanned the console several times before he saw it. Punching it with his paw, the chopper lurched alarmingly as the rotors began to pick up speed and whirl with a rather satisfying sound.
“Now what?” Smooch asked fearfully.
“Furstly breathe, mew aren't going to crash,” C.J. advised. “That is the fail-safe button; the chopper is now flying itself.”
“What?” Smooch cried. “Do mew know how stupid that sounds?”
C.J. replied. “It is not stupid; it's just saved your life!”
“But it can't save Basil's or Parsley's,” Smooch sniffled hopelessly. “Can it?”
“That depends,” C.J. answered.
“On what?” Smooch asked sharply. “They got like 55 seconds before its Splats-Ville Arizona!”
“Mew see the big green button that says V.C.?”
“That's voice control, push it and say fly forward and once mew're in position, say deploy cushion,” C.J. instructed. “Now hurry up as mew are their last best hope!”
Smooch thumped the green button. “Turn around one eighty degrees and fly forward.” The chopper spun around and shot forwards so fast he was above the garden before he could blink. “Deploy cushion!” he yelled as the chopper passed just above Humphrey, Horice and Amber, causing them to hit the deck.
“Did mew do it?” C.J. asked.
“Cushion deployed,” Smooch answered flatly, his adrenaline reserves abruptly depleted as he prayed in his mind that whateffur C.J. had told him to do wurked.
“Good, now turn the burd around and land it in the field; once it's on the ground, say engine off and push the black button,” C.J. said. “I'm still twenty-seven minutes away, and I don't want to get back and hear bad news.”
“OK, offur and out,” Smooch replied and followed C.J.'s instructions to the letter, safely landing the chopper behind the field and powering down within a few short seconds. The rotors were still whirring as he launched from the cockpit and began to run as fast as he could towards the garden keeping his eyes on the two rapidly falling objects above.
* * *
Amber, Humphrey and Horice had heard the chopper zoom above them amidst the exploding missiles and watched as what looked like a black box dropped from underneath it and landed in the garden.
The sky was alight with red, orange and yellow flames, the noise deafening as the fighter jets began to retaliate and fire at will on the P.I.T.H., causing the ground to shake and tremble beneath their paws.
“OH MY COD, this is Catruit all offur again!” Humphrey cried out as he grabbed Amber, pulling her towards the ground. “Hit the deck Horice!”
The huge Hefflelump keeled offur and crumpled on the gravel. “Aye thank ye fur that Purredator One!” Horice said as he lay on his side. “That be a mighty close call.”
Humphrey got to his paws and helped Amber up. “Horice, can mew use your magick ju-ju here?” he asked quickly, then right before his eyes, he saw the black box open up into a giant inflatable cushion that spanned most of the lawn.
Horice stared at the giant black rubberized shock-absorber cushion and then said. “Aye me magick ju-ju does be wurking 'ere, but it be a little hit and miss.”
Amber was trembling, tears streaming from her eyes as she wailed inconsolably watching her falling comrades.
“Horice, mew need to get that ju-ju fired up now and stop this now!” Humphrey said, pointing skywards.
The giant sapphire on Horice's forehead began to glow, then pulse with an ethereal blue light, just like it had done way-back-when on the island, and in the next breath effurything stopped, like stopped completely.
** And Cut **
It's that time of the post again, when we bet mew've more questions than mew can shake your tail at!
OMC How could mew leave us hanging like that, and we've got a whole week to wait!!
OH MY COD!!!!! OH MY COD!!!!! OH MY COD!!!!!
We can't believe what maniacs the P.I.T.H. are; what will happen now they've started a firefight?
It looks like Armageddon above your garden. Can mew contain it?
Who is this Horice?
And what kind of magick ju-ju does he have?
[Mew can read all about Horice's magickal powers in our Pirate Adventure at some point]
How is it possible that he made time stop?
Will that cushion be enough to save mew and Parsley?
What are the other residents and Parish Council of Mewton-Clawson going to say about their quaint and quiet village being turned into a war zone?
Who will take responsibility fur the damage caused?
Oh, and can we get a chopper with voice control, as that sounds real fun?
We're sure mew purrobably have many more, but to be honest, we can't think of any right now as I've still got to save Parsley and myself, and the P.I.T.H.-heads have started a war, and OH MY COD IT'S ALL GONE WRONG!
Many thanks fur joining us fur our epic re-run of
FAST, FURRY & DANGEROUS
Don't furget to sneak back into the CLASSIFIED FILE ROOM next week fur Part IX
DON'T GO OUT OF THE GARDEN!!!
Click here to go to the next report in Episode 9 - link coming later.
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