Bionic Basil® home of Basil and The B Team: fictional tales

Wednesday greetings fabulous furriends

Welcome to another

Fur our new readers; some of mew may not know that as well as being your ordinary, effuryday kitties, we're also an elite horde of Kitty Commando's opurrating from a secret bunker in Mewton-Clawson in the heart of the English countryside, and saving the wurld at least once a month is what we do. Though mew neffur get to read or hear about it because its classified and way above your pay grade!

[BB HQ Control Centre in The Secret Bunker]

So, we hear mew ask, what is; What Would The B Team Do?

Well our supurr furriends, we're going to give mew a scenario, which may or may not be real [classified protocols restrict us from confirming or denying such things] and mew get to choose one of 3 options on how we would respond, and then we show mew how we may have responded!

Now let's see if mew guessed correctly last time, click here fur a quick recap...

OMC The Free Trade of Rodents is Under Threat As Chief Downing Street Negotiators Go AWOL

So What Would The B Team Do?

A. Go to Level 8 in the bunker, get my lilo out and cruise around the lagoon in the BioSphere while sipping a fabulously chilled nip cocktail with a rather fancy-schmancy umbrella in?

B. See Smooch on Level 3 of the bunker and go to the shooting range fur a bit of target purractice?

or

C. Scramble The B Team and start the search fur Larry and Palmerston?

Did mew guess the right answer?

And we know most of mew have chosen OPTION C - which is the correct answer WOO HOO!

* * *

And this is exactly what happened....

Knowing that Larry and Palmerston are furry good furriends with HRH Erin and are known to visit the young princess, I decided to make a call.

RING RING... RING RING... RING RING... RING RING... RING RING... RING RING... RING RING... RING RING...

"No Answer!" I mewsed and hung up the phone.

I turned to Amber who was sitting in one of my comfy desk chairs sipping a lovely cup of catmint tea, the heady aroma wafting across the desk between us.

"Don't I get tea?" I asked.

She raised an eyebrow and said with a smirk. "Yes, your tea is in the teapot in the canteen!"

"Typical!" I muttered under my breath and then said. "Mew haven't spoken to the Princess lately have mew?"

"Which one?" Amber asked, jeez she was a button pusher today.

"ERIN... ERin... E...R...I...N!" I said through gritted teeth. "We only know one princess!"

"Oh that princess," Amber said with a smirk, she knew she was button pushing and loved it.

Yessssssssssssss that princess, fur the love of Bast! I thought

Amber was in one of those moods, so I took a breath and said calmly. "I'm going to get a cuppa, do mew want a refill?"

"No, I'm fine thank mew, I just thought I come and annoy mew fur a few minutes before my book club guests arrive," she smiled sweetly and exited my office with a flourish.

I stood behind my desk and slowly counted to 10, that didn't wurk so I continued to 50. Then I picked up my comms unit, turned it on and said. "Are any of the B Team available fur an excursion to Upper Much-Mousing?"

3 seconds later Fudge, Smooch, Parsley and Pandora were in my office and 2 seconds aftur that we were headed to Level 2 to get the hummer. 5 minutes later we were cruising towards Upper Much-Mousing.

Erin only lived a few miles away from Mewton-Clawson as the crow flies, so we made exceptional time [plus I planned on visiting Dwight Dastardly my local dealer in arms, ammunition and effurything ex-military on the way back as we need some supplies and I saw that he has some rather nice new tanks in], so anywoo we drove up to the palace and furry carefully offur the drawbridge so not to disturb the kraken as the sign was out...

- Lunch between 1pm & 2pm -

...and believe me when I tell mew, mew seriously don't want to disturb a kraken having lunch, as mew could end up being the lunch!

I parked the hummer and we all got out and that's when I saw Pandora putting on a tiara - what the fluff?!!!

Parsley, Smooch and Fudge also noticed and they said. "What the fluff?!!!"

Pandora turned to look at them aftur checking the tiara was on straight in the hummer wing mirror and replied in her odd, little foreign accent. "One must show respect fur a princess!" then she added. "And I don't think the princess vill be furry 'appy when she she's 'ow many veapons mew dudes brought vith mew."

I thought about this fur a moment and said. "Pandora, HRH has an entire weapons gallery within the castle, though it is strictly off limits to all but a few, so she won't mind that we're armed and dangerous at all!"

"Vell, I think mew should be dressed more appropriately fur an audience vith royalty!" she harrumphed.

Parsley was just about to knock on the huge oak door when it suddenly swung inwards and Larry and Palmerston almost fell on top of him.

"Dudes!" I said as they tumbled passed Parsley and landed in an ungainly pile of fur and limbs.

They both looked at me as they lay sprawled in a heap on the floor. "BASIL!!!!!" they both shouted. "Great to see mew me old mucker!" Larry grinned, and at that point I just knew they'd been up to no good.

Palmerston stood up and dusted off his fancy frock coat, and swished a lace trimmed hanky towards me and whispered conspiratorially, "Mew must try the Cream Straws, made with a tube of primo Canadian Cheddar filled with triple cream and rolled in in the finest nip truffle!"

I gave them one of my best, mew know they're contraband looks, with an added, mew wurk fur the goverment, shouldn't mew know better? looks.

Palmerston grinned and replied. "Oh but it's so much better when mew know mew shouldn't be doing it!"

"ERIN!" I yelled from the steps.

The princess appeared from the doorway and held out her paw. I bowed and kissed said paw with utmost respect. "How are mew?" I asked as I stood up.

"Oh fine now," she answered and then noticed Pandora's tiara glittering in the sunlight. "Nice jewels, I may have to it borrow that sometime!"

Pandora beamed and then mouthed at us, "I told mew so!"

"Princess," I said, as I helped Larry off the floor. "These two should be in London to negotiate the free trade of rodents fur the Brexit plan, why are they here?"

Erin smiled sweetly and replied. "Oh Basil, such a funny turn of events..."

She indicated fur me to follow her into the palace and we went into a rather fancy schmancy drawing room, where she promptly pulled a bell cord. A few moments later Mrs H appeared trundling a tea-trolley laden with delights. [Mrs H is so efficient].

Erin said handing me tea and cake, with a scone on the side with the biggest dollop of whipped cream mew effur saw. "Basil let me explain, the mouses of Upper Much-Mousing have all gone on their jolly holly's to the Costa del Cheetos, so they've been a bit thin on the ground of late, Larry and Palmerston contacted me to say they had a glut of European mouses that needed a safe haven..."

"And I suppose they wanted the Contraband Cream Sticks in payment fur relocation of said mice?" I said.

She nodded and then I added. "Did Dwight Dastardly supply mew with the Cream Sticks?"

She nodded again. "And how many did Larry and Palmerston ask fur?"

"200 hundred cartons fur a 20ft container of mice," she beamed at me. "That was a most excellent deal as the Cream Sticks cost me nothing as Dwight owed me a huge favour, mew remember when he was on the run all those years ago and disappeared fur a few months?"

"Yep, I remember that," I replied.

"Well what mew don't know is that he was hiding out here until the heat was off and the authorities had moved on to some other case," she said sweetly.

"Wow, I didn't know that," I said in surprise.

"Anyhoo the good news is that they're headed back to London and I've got a 20ft container of juicy mice in the palace orchard and they've got their Cream Sticks which will fetch a really hefty profit in London fur sure!"

"And are there any more Cream Sticks left?" I asked.

She winked at me and said. "Now that would be telling!"

Outside Larry and Palmerston were laughing and joking with the B Team as I approached.

"Guys the PM is going ballistic, mew guys need to get back to London stat!" I said.

They both laughed at me and said. "Basil dude chill, here have a Cream Stick!"

I turned to Smooch and said quietly, "How many have they had?"

"5 each since we've been here!" he replied.

There was only one thing fur it. I rang the PM.

* * *

The good news is that Larry and Palmerston made it back in time fur the big meeting, though the bad news is they were completely off their chops and the meeting was rescheduled.

And Erin has a new community of mice now making a new home in the palace orchard and as fur the Cream Sticks, well who knows how many cartons are left! MOL MOL MOL