Hold onto ye hats matey's as this is one adventure mew'll never furget as long as ye live arrrrrrrrr!
The Extraordinary Voyages of Cap'n Basil Blackheart and his Motley Crew
The Crimson Revenge
Aharrrrrrr me hearties and wunderpurr greetings
Here we be again on another truly unbelievable adventure, this time on the high seas.
I know it must seem quite impossible some of the bizarre things which happen to us, [on a furry frequent basis] but paw on heart and let lightning strike me down if I effur tell an untruth... this is a; 'as it happens' or a 'squirrels eye-view' or a 'fly in the soup' whoops sorry, I meant to say 'fly on the wall documentary' kinda vibe.
Join us as we share the facts of what happened on that fateful Sunday night, as we sailed back home from Speedy's Pawesome Pirate Party.
So hold ye fast matey's, as we be in fur a wild ride tonight
I paused briefly, looking at the state of her. "Because mew, One Eye Amber were so off your chops mew couldn't even crawl up the gangplank and then mew fell into the water," I answered curtly. "I think mew are quite sober after that little impromptu icy dip, and just look at the state of your fur. I think mew should go take a bath pronto, savvy..."
Amber harrumphed rather loudly and stomped off, disappearing behind the main mast for a quick clean up.
Posie began to sing softly, her voice was melodic and soothing as it wafted gently on the breeze while we sailed on in the dark.
We had been sailing for approximately forty-one minutes and fifteen seconds when the sea started to become rather choppy. White foamy spray splashed over the deck and the ship began to lurch rather alarmingly in the sudden swell.
"Smooch, what the fluff is happening?" I yelled above the increasing noise of the rising waves.
A few seconds passed, and I gripped the ships wheel tighter as a strong current took hold.
As I was fighting with the wheel Smooch answered.
"Sorry Cap'n I had to attach my safety straps furst," he shouted loudly from the crows nest. "The good news is, they're holding me in place..."
"What's the bad news then?" I yelled back as forked lightning streaked across the sky in ways I'd never seen before.
He paused again. "The bad news is really bad news," he shouted.
Snowie was helping me hold the ship's wheel as we were battered with the icy sea spray while the lightning flashed and thunder boomed all around us, it was quite apocalyptic.
"Kindly relieve us from this suspense, tell us what the bad news is," I almost shrieked to make myself heard above the din.
"We're being dragged into a whirlpool with a massive water funnel and there's nothing we can do about it!" Smooch had to scream above the ever-increasing noise.
I paused fur a second while I let this humongous bad news sink in, then I shouted as loudly as I could.
"Effurypurrdy strap yourselves to anything that's not going to move, NOW!"
I threw a length of rope at Snowie and then, using another length of rope I lashed myself to the balustrading, then I gripped the ship's wheel with all my might, if this whirlpool was taking us down then I was going down as a proper captain; at the helm.
I jammed my hat on extra tight, and wiped the salty sea spray from my eyes as we continued on a course I had no control over and in storm conditions I never knew were possible, just old sailor myths of bygone times.
The ship pitched and rolled, the wood creaking and groaning with the immense pressure as we were sucked faster and faster into the spiralling vortex. Relentless waves crashed across the deck while lightning erupted from the central vortex in jagged, fractured forks. I just prayed to any god that may have been listening that my crew were fastened tightly to something as the angle we were now on; sideways on and looking straight down into the gaping maw of the deadly unknown, because if they weren't securely tied to something they were surely going to be lost forever.
The pitching and rolling became increasingly violent as we descended through the cyclic centrifuge in tighter and tighter circles as the huge funnel of water loomed up above us like a giant coiling snake hell-bent on smashing us and The Crimson Revenge to smithereens.
The only thing going through my mind was that this was some really, really, monumentally freaky natural phenom-a-nom-nom and the chances that we were going to survive it, well let me just say I wasn't holding my breath!
I was abruptly brought back from my momentary mind-scape by my crew's terrified high-pitched screams as we reached what could only be described as the mouth of hell, and then there was nothing but blackness.
Also, I bet mew've got endless questions, such as:
How come The Crimson Revenge didn't get turned into toothpicks?
What about Kitty Chrysalis Humphrey below decks?
Where are all the crew?
And did they all get time to strap themselves to something secure?
What about Smooch in the crows-nest, surely that mast couldn't still be intact?
That whirlpool/water-funnel/storm is truly frightening, devastating, destructive, etc... can mew really survive it?
If mew have any questions feel free as to ask!
* * *