Welcome to
Featuring a rerun of our bonkers time travelling pirate adventure
The Extraordinary Voyages of Cap'n Basil Blackheart and his Motley Crew
aboard
The Crimson Revenge
Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr and hearty greetings wunderpurr pals
Welcome to the 4th episode of our pirate adventure rerun, watch the heart-pounding action unfold right before your very eyes and just in case mew missed anything, here are the links for the last 3 epically epic episodes:
>^.^<
A quick recap from Caturday
Horice's eyes bulged, and he glanced over his shoulder towards the very unimaginably slow but nevertheless, approaching relentless horde.
"Cap'n Basil, we be 'aving a problem," he said rather worriedly. "They be a deadly horde o' ravenous, pygmy cannibal tor-tye, we should be skedaddling smartly before they get o'er here 'o they'll be picking our bones clean in no time!"
I stared in utter amazement at the army of green armoured shells, painted in brightly coloured yellow, blue and white pigment closing the gap between us in eye-watering slowness and burst out laughing.
"Horice, ye be jesting me, pulling me rigging aye?"
Horice shook his head solemnly. "Nay Cap'n Basil, they be the most devious, menacing little blighters, savvy?"
I shook my head.
"They do thee approaching real slow like, lulling ye into a false security, then at thee last few yards while ye be laughing ye boots off at thee absurdity of it, thee charge at speed ye'll no'er see coming, and before ye know it, ye'll be trussed up tighter than a wench in a bodice at thee Inn of ill Repute and be on ye way to thee pot for o'boilin'!"
I tipped me hat back and scratched me, sorry, my head in sheer perplexment as I carefully monitored the progress of the advancing hoard. I wandered to my sword, pulled it free of the sand and turned to face Horice.
"What do ye suggest to solve this puzzling predicament... arrrrrrr? I asked.
Horice glanced over his shoulder again, trumpeted really loudly and screamed, "RUN YE SCALLYWAGS... RUN!"
At that precise moment, the shelled army began to speed up.
"And Cut!"
Aharr
"Cap'n Basil, we be 'aving a problem," he said rather worriedly. "They be a deadly horde o' ravenous, pygmy cannibal tor-tye, we should be skedaddling smartly before they get o'er here 'o they'll be picking our bones clean in no time!"
I stared in utter amazement at the army of green armoured shells, painted in brightly coloured yellow, blue and white pigment closing the gap between us in eye-watering slowness and burst out laughing.
"Horice, ye be jesting me, pulling me rigging aye?"
Horice shook his head solemnly. "Nay Cap'n Basil, they be the most devious, menacing little blighters, savvy?"
I shook my head.
"They do thee approaching real slow like, lulling ye into a false security, then at thee last few yards while ye be laughing ye boots off at thee absurdity of it, thee charge at speed ye'll no'er see coming, and before ye know it, ye'll be trussed up tighter than a wench in a bodice at thee Inn of ill Repute and be on ye way to thee pot for o'boilin'!"
I tipped me hat back and scratched me, sorry, my head in sheer perplexment as I carefully monitored the progress of the advancing hoard. I wandered to my sword, pulled it free of the sand and turned to face Horice.
"What do ye suggest to solve this puzzling predicament... arrrrrrr? I asked.
Horice glanced over his shoulder again, trumpeted really loudly and screamed, "RUN YE SCALLYWAGS... RUN!"
At that precise moment, the shelled army began to speed up.
"And Cut!"
>^.^<
So hold ye fast matey's, as we're in fur a terrifying ride today
Aharr
>^.^<
Part IV
Pygmy Cannibal Tor-tye & Sharks Fin Soup
"And Action!"
I stood somewhat dumbfounded by Horice the Heffle-lump's seemingly overt roaring panic, so doing what any good pirate cap'n would do; I dismissed the first opinion as total hogwash and went for a much calmer second opinion. I pulled out my telescope to check the progress of the now, more rapidly approaching pygmy cannibal tor-tye. Then I extended my view further down the beach, where I'd spied a little whiff of smoke in the distance.
Zooming in, the only thing I can say is; I too, was suddenly totally consumed with roaring panic.
Horice had hit the nail on the head when he'd said; RUN!
This is exactly what I saw! - EEEEEEEEK!
My worst imaginings of being a snack for the slowest land creature on the planet made my blood run cold, especially when I saw the giant bubbling pot and enough skelebobs, including pygmy tor-tye shells to freak the bejeezus out of me. There was no way that me and my motley crew were being hors-d'oeuvres for a bunch of ravenous, mutant and badly painted, I might add, cannibal tortoises.
My fur stood on end, quivering with so many emotions; fear, terror, panic, alarm, and then major annoyance at the total absurdity of it, as I swept my gaze closer to home to check on the progress of the tor-tye army.
I had to give them credit, they were the most relentless little buggers in their chase, and some even had coils of rope draped over their shells, and it was painfully obvious that they meant business.
Horice was stomping, almost leaping in acute agitation at their relentless approach. "Cap'n Basil, what be ye plan?" he asked in nervous anxiety.
Horice was stomping, almost leaping in acute agitation at their relentless approach. "Cap'n Basil, what be ye plan?" he asked in nervous anxiety.
I glanced at him and then back to Smooch at the rocks while I pondered the possibilities.
Then it came to me like a lightning strike.
"Smooch," I yelled at the top of my lungs. "Mew swim to the rowboat, mew'll be much safer there."
He gave me a rather disconcerting look, and then headed towards the softly lapping water and dipped his paw in.
"It's a bit cold Basil," he yelled back.
"Don't be a pussy, just swim your furry booty to that boat. NOW YE BLAGGARD!"
I could see him muttering unspeakables again and made a mental note to ask him where he'd heard such language when we finally got out of this mess.
But anyhoo, I'm digressing, Smooch waded into the water, his bandana getting washed off by a wave, he's going to be really, very annoyed about that, I thought, and he began to slowly paddle with a strange sideways stroke towards the rowboat.
I turned to the Heffle-lump and said. "Arrrrrr me giant pal, it be down to me and thee to be dealing with these ravenous beasties, what say ye... arrrrr?" I waved my cutlass in the air enthusiastically and then towards the ever-nearing vicious tor-tye.
I turned to the Heffle-lump and said. "Arrrrrr me giant pal, it be down to me and thee to be dealing with these ravenous beasties, what say ye... arrrrr?" I waved my cutlass in the air enthusiastically and then towards the ever-nearing vicious tor-tye.
Horice gulped loudly and gave me a rather withering glance as he shuffled his huge feet on the soft sand.
"Do ye mind if I get on ye back Horice?" I asked politely.
"Aye, Cap'n Basil, that be the best vantage point," Horice conceded as the ferocious tor-tye began to gain momentum. "What be ye plan?"
I had just scrambled up onto Horice's back and was just about to answer with my rather sketchy plan of let's just wing it, when the tor-tye hit their moderate-speed boost button and surged forward.
It was at that precise moment I heard the shocking, spine-tingling and completely gut-wrenching screams. I spun around from my new vantage point so quickly to follow the heinous sounds that I nearly fell off Horice, and that's when I saw what was causing the insane pandemonium.
Smooch had almost, nearly reached the rowboat, which now seemed much further out than I first thought, but that wasn't the purroblem. The purroblem was there were several great big evil, monstrous sharks circling him.
Snowie and Parsley were screaming hysterically.
"SMOOCH SWIM! SMOOCH SWIM! SWIM SMOOOOOCH!"
They were trying to keep the huge, sleek grey killing machines at bay with the oars but Smooch was flagging, losing steam by the second and the current wasn't helping, dragging him further away from the small boat. My heart lurched and then felt crushed to the size of a grain of sand, I felt sick to the very bottom of my innards as I watched on in hopeless horror.
"SWIM! SWIM!" Parsley shrieked and thrashed at the water. "GRAB THE OAR, I'LL GET MEW!"
Snowie was beyond hysterical. "DON'T MEW DARE GIVE UP SMOOCH... PURRLEASE... PURRLEASE... DON'T GIVE UP!"
I could see Smooch was nearly done for, barely keeping his head above the water as the sharks circled closer and closer. I wiped away the beads of sweat trickling down my face, that had erupted like a geyser from my skin, my entire body was suddenly wet and clammy, my throat felt tight, and I couldn't swallow as I watched one of the sharks slip out of view under the back of the boat.
Parsley and Snowie were doing their very best to save him, but right now, at this point, I could see only one way this was going to end. Smooch was shark bait or for want of a better word, chump.
I was so caught up in the moment I didn't realise that I'd sunk my claws deep into Horice's skin on the top of his head, in my acute anxiety I had edged up and was now perched between his ears. He gave a sudden shake of his head, his huge ears flapping all over the place and I nearly toppled off.
My vision became blurry, and my head spun as Smooch suddenly slipped under the water and out of view. I let out the most blood-curdling scream in the entire history of my life.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
It was then I noticed what Horice was doing. He'd been watching the nightmare unfold but had kept very still, however the giant sapphire on his forehead was glowing with an intense blue pulse, flashing quicker and quicker.
Remembering the other purroblem we had, I glanced over my shoulder down the beach, towards the tor-tye horde who were now in the home stretch, the last 30 yards.
How the flip did this nightmare ever happen? ran through my mind over and over; like a really bad feedback loop on constant repeat.
The tor-tye, right now, in this moment were the least of my concerns as I searched the sea for any sign of Smooch, who still hadn't surfaced.
Snowie was wailing like a demented banshee, and Parsley was frantically trying to manoeuvre the boat towards where they'd last seen him, when one of the sharks suddenly erupted from the depths, launching out of the water. Its jaws were wide open as it soared a few feet above the rowboat, and to my horror, it was almost the same size as the small vessel. Luckily Parsley saw it and surged backwards his oar outstretched and smacked the ferocious, razor-fanged killing machine as hard as he could, catching it in its side.
A look of complete defeat and anguish etched its way over Snowie's face as she desperately scanned the water for Smooch as the huge shark crashed into the waves with a mighty splash at the precise location I'd last seen him, and my heart sank lower than a snake's belly in a wagon rut with a top hat on.
"Oh purrlease no!" I was nearly choking on the words as they came out of my mouth, the bile rising faster than the mercury in a thermometer with a match underneath it.
When completely out of the blue, pardon the pun, Smooch burst through the water and into view.
I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw a dolphin had him balanced on its nose and was swimming towards the boat at a rapid rate, Parsley held out his oar for Smooch to grab, when more dolphins suddenly leapt from the gentle waves and began to attack the sharks, driving them away as Parsley and Snowie hauled Smooch aboard the small boat.
I could have cried, really, truly honestly wept with relief at the sight of him safely in the boat. It was then I realised I'd been holding my breath and I let out a huge sigh and then gulped several big breaths in to calm my severely frazzled, fried, baked and really toasted nerves.
Horice shifted beneath me, and his trunk gently nudged my side. "Cap'n Basil, me good matey's heard me call, don't ye worry about thee little one."
"What... what Horice?" I gasped, hearing the words but not quite understanding the meaning.
"I sent me fishy friends, thee dolphins a message Cap'n Basil, luckily they were near and came to the rescue."
"But how?" I asked in astonishment.
"Oh Cap'n Basil," he almost chuckled. "I 'av many special gifts, and talking telepathically with me mateys is one of 'em."
I was dumbfounded and speechless at his explanation. "Thank ye most kindly Horice," I said with such gratitude. "I don't know what I would 'av done if..."
"Don't be worrying ye-self about such things," Horice replied softly. "It be good to 'elp me new matey's, but now we 'av to deal with evil, little blighters that be nearly upon us and in all me years I 'av never seen anyone escape them!"
His huge body shifted, and we turned to face the oncoming tor-tye, who were only 15 yards from us and by the looks of things, were revving up for the final charge. All of a sudden the wildest and most bizarre plan I'd ever come up with exploded in my mind. I leaned in close and whispered in Horice's ear.
"Cap'n Basil that be the darnedest plan that ever befell on me ears," Horice said wryly. "There be no guarantees, yet we 'av nowt to lose."
In less time than it took to say; 'walk the plank mew scurvy dog!' or 'Keelhaul the blaggard!' the huge sapphire on Horice's forehead began to glow again, pulsing faster and faster, glowing more brightly by the second.
Shouting erupted again from behind us, and glancing over my shoulder I took in the scene. The pod of dolphins were rapidly herding the sharks towards the beach at such a speed it was incredible. The sharks had nowhere to go, and at the last minute, they launched out of the water, sailing through the air towards the beach.
Moments later they landed beached on the shore, midway between us and the cannibal horde. The tor-tye all at once surged forward at nitrous speed and completely overwhelmed the thrashing, snapping sharks, and within mere moments the sharks had been trussed up tighter than a turkey dinner on Catmas Day. The army of tor-tye then satisfied with their latest menu option, turned and began the slow journey back towards their camp, transporting the writhing, giant sushi on their backs, and to be honest, it brought a whole new meaning to a 'platter o' fish'.
"Well, I'll be damned," Horice exclaimed.
"Let's hope that feast keeps 'em occupied o'while," I said with acute alleviation.
"Aye, that should assuage thee blood-thirsty beasties," Horice agreed relaxing a little now the danger had seemed to pass. "That was a mightily cunning plan Cap'n Basil, arrrrrrr,"
"I couldn't 'av done without ye and ye seafaring matey's," I said rather emotionally. "Ye be the bestest for sure, thank ye again."
Horice shifted awkwardly beneath me as he cleared his throat, and I felt he was a little embarrassed, but good deeds deserved praise and thanks, and I was so thankful Smooch had been saved from the jaws of death, quite literally. Turning I glanced towards the rowboat and saw Smooch waving, albeit a little limply but neffurtheless waving at me and I gave him my bestest salute, my heart squeezed in all the right places and I smiled widely.
A short while later, after all that excitement and I'd finally settled my acutely crisped nerves with several swigs of some mighty potent nip rum, I decided to check on the tor-tye army. Pulling out my telescope I zoomed in on their camp down the beach and was surprised to see they'd made it back in good time, the pot was bubbling at full speed with huge flames licking up the sides, and to my complete amazement I could see that sharks fin soup was already cooking, 'Tasty!' I thought but definitely not worth the risk.
"Horice?" I asked suddenly.
"Arrrrrrr Cap'n Basil?"
"What year be this?"
Horice thought about it for a moment, and then he replied. "It be the year 1683 and a bit, if me calculations be right, why ye ask?"
I let this new information sink in before I answered. "Arrrrrrr... that be a fine year!" was all I could say while my inner turmoil began to erupt again.
Jumping juniper berries I was right, we'd travelled back in time through the whirlpool, how the flip were we ever going to get back now?
"AND CUT!"
Phew, we're exhausted after all of that and poor Smooch is still recovering from his dreadful ordeal, and we're sure mew have more questions than mew could poke a stick at! MOL
And here's some from our fab buddies from all the way back in 2015:
The Tabbies of Trout Towne asked us; What the fishing was like?
Our answer is, mostly furry deadly ~ Our hearty recommendation is DON'T DO IT
Also, Flynn asked about the orb in episode 2 - link at the top of the page.
Sorry, we still have nothing to report on that as of yet, maybe in the next episode, we'll have more info to impart.
Kitties Blue wanted to know; If they were teenage tortoises, and possibly mutants?
Hmmmm, we're not sure about the age of them, but they're definitely MUTANTS
If mew have any questions feel free as to ask.
* * *
* * *
To find out what happens next; we'll be back in a couple of days continuing tension and to see what on earth is going to happen next, and in the meantime, take a breath, a swig of nip rum, and let's calm the fluff down! MOL
ARRRRRRRR ME HEARTIES
This be
This be
Cap'n Basil & the Crew of The Crimson Revenge
Signing out until the next time... ARRRRRRR
Signing out until the next time... ARRRRRRR
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