**PIRATE TAILS REVISITED** The Extraordinary Voyages of Cap'n Basil Blackheart & His Motley Crew ~ Part IV

Welcome to 

Featuring a rerun of our bonkers time travelling pirate adventure

The Extraordinary Voyages of  Cap'n Basil Blackheart and his Motley Crew 

aboard

The Crimson Revenge

Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr and hearty greetings wunderpurr pals

Welcome to the 4th episode of our pirate adventure rerun, watch the heart-pounding action unfold right before your very eyes and just in case mew missed anything, here are the links for the last 3 epically epic episodes:

Part I  ~  Part II  ~  Part III

>^.^<

A quick recap from Caturday

Horice's eyes bulged, and he glanced over his shoulder towards the very unimaginably slow but nevertheless, approaching relentless horde.

"Cap'n Basil, we be 'aving a problem," he said rather worriedly. "They be a deadly horde o' ravenous, pygmy cannibal tor-tye, we should be skedaddling smartly before they get o'er here 'o they'll be picking our bones clean in no time!"

I stared in utter amazement at the army of green armoured shells, painted in brightly coloured yellow, blue and white pigment closing the gap between us in eye-watering slowness and burst out laughing.

"Horice, ye be jesting me, pulling me rigging aye?"

Horice shook his head solemnly. "Nay Cap'n Basil, they be the most devious, menacing little blighters, savvy?"

I shook my head.

"They do thee approaching real slow like, lulling ye into a false security, then at thee last few yards while ye be laughing ye boots off at thee absurdity of it, thee charge at speed ye'll no'er see coming, and before ye know it, ye'll be trussed up tighter than a wench in a bodice at thee Inn of ill Repute and be on ye way to thee pot for o'boilin'!"

I tipped me hat back and scratched me, sorry, my head in sheer perplexment as I carefully monitored the progress of the advancing hoard.  I wandered to my sword, pulled it free of the sand and turned to face Horice.

"What do ye suggest to solve this puzzling predicament... arrrrrrr? I asked.

Horice glanced over his shoulder again, trumpeted really loudly and screamed, "RUN YE SCALLYWAGS... RUN!"

At that precise moment, the shelled army began to speed up.

"And Cut!"

>^.^<

So hold ye fast matey's, as we're in fur a terrifying ride today

Aharr

 

>^.^<

Part IV 

  Pygmy Cannibal Tor-tye & Sharks Fin Soup

"And Action!"

I stood somewhat dumbfounded by Horice the Heffle-lump's seemingly overt roaring panic, so doing what any good pirate cap'n would do; I dismissed the first opinion as total hogwash and went for a much calmer second opinion. I pulled out my telescope to check the progress of the now, more rapidly approaching pygmy cannibal tor-tye. Then I extended my view further down the beach, where I'd spied a little whiff of smoke in the distance.

Zooming in, the only thing I can say is; I too, was suddenly totally consumed with roaring panic.  

Horice had hit the nail on the head when he'd said; RUN!

This is exactly what I saw! - EEEEEEEEK!

  

My worst imaginings of being a snack for the slowest land creature on the planet made my blood run cold, especially when I saw the giant bubbling pot and enough skelebobs, including pygmy tor-tye shells to freak the bejeezus out of me. There was no way that me and my motley crew were being hors-d'oeuvres for a bunch of ravenous, mutant and badly painted, I might add, cannibal tortoises.

  

My fur stood on end, quivering with so many emotions; fear, terror, panic, alarm, and then major annoyance at the total absurdity of it, as I swept my gaze closer to home to check on the progress of the tor-tye army.

I had to give them credit, they were the most relentless little buggers in their chase, and some even had coils of rope draped over their shells, and it was painfully obvious that they meant business. 

 Horice was stomping, almost leaping in acute agitation at their relentless approach. "Cap'n Basil, what be ye plan?" he asked in nervous anxiety.

I glanced at him and then back to Smooch at the rocks while I pondered the possibilities.

Then it came to me like a lightning strike.

"Smooch," I yelled at the top of my lungs. "Mew swim to the rowboat, mew'll be much safer there."

He gave me a rather disconcerting look, and then headed towards the softly lapping water and dipped his paw in.

"It's a bit cold Basil," he yelled back.

"Don't be a pussy, just swim your furry booty to that boat. NOW YE BLAGGARD!" 

I could see him muttering unspeakables again and made a mental note to ask him where he'd heard such language when we finally got out of this mess.

But anyhoo, I'm digressing, Smooch waded into the water, his bandana getting washed off by a wave, he's going to be really, very annoyed about that, I thought, and he began to slowly paddle with a strange sideways stroke towards the rowboat.  

I turned to the Heffle-lump and said. "Arrrrrr me giant pal, it be down to me and thee to be dealing with these ravenous beasties, what say ye... arrrrr?" I waved my cutlass in the air enthusiastically and then towards the ever-nearing vicious tor-tye.

Horice gulped loudly and gave me a rather withering glance as he shuffled his huge feet on the soft sand.

"Do ye mind if I get on ye back Horice?" I asked politely. 

"Aye, Cap'n Basil, that be the best vantage point," Horice conceded as the ferocious tor-tye began to gain momentum. "What be ye plan?"

I had just scrambled up onto Horice's back and was just about to answer with my rather sketchy plan of let's just wing it, when the tor-tye hit their moderate-speed boost button and surged forward.

It was at that precise moment I heard the shocking, spine-tingling and completely gut-wrenching screams. I spun around from my new vantage point so quickly to follow the heinous sounds that I nearly fell off Horice, and that's when I saw what was causing the insane pandemonium. 

Smooch had almost, nearly reached the rowboat, which now seemed much further out than I first thought, but that wasn't the purroblem. The purroblem was there were several great big evil, monstrous sharks circling him.

Snowie and Parsley were screaming hysterically.  

"SMOOCH SWIM! SMOOCH SWIM! SWIM SMOOOOOCH!" 

They were trying to keep the huge, sleek grey killing machines at bay with the oars but Smooch was flagging, losing steam by the second and the current wasn't helping, dragging him further away from the small boat. My heart lurched and then felt crushed to the size of a grain of sand, I felt sick to the very bottom of my innards as I watched on in hopeless horror.

"SWIM! SWIM!" Parsley shrieked and thrashed at the water. "GRAB THE OAR, I'LL GET MEW!"

Snowie was beyond hysterical. "DON'T MEW DARE GIVE UP SMOOCH... PURRLEASE...  PURRLEASE... DON'T GIVE UP!" 

I could see Smooch was nearly done for, barely keeping his head above the water as the sharks circled closer and closer. I wiped away the beads of sweat trickling down my face, that had erupted like a geyser from my skin, my entire body was suddenly wet and clammy, my throat felt tight, and I couldn't swallow as I watched one of the sharks slip out of view under the back of the boat.

Parsley and Snowie were doing their very best to save him, but right now, at this point, I could see only one way this was going to end. Smooch was shark bait or for want of a better word, chump.

I was so caught up in the moment I didn't realise that I'd sunk my claws deep into Horice's skin on the top of his head, in my acute anxiety I had edged up and was now perched between his ears. He gave a sudden shake of his head, his huge ears flapping all over the place and I nearly toppled off. 

My vision became blurry, and my head spun as Smooch suddenly slipped under the water and out of view. I let out the most blood-curdling scream in the entire history of my life.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

It was then I noticed what Horice was doing. He'd been watching the nightmare unfold but had kept very still, however the giant sapphire on his forehead was glowing with an intense blue pulse, flashing quicker and quicker. 

Remembering the other purroblem we had, I glanced over my shoulder down the beach, towards the tor-tye horde who were now in the home stretch, the last 30 yards. 

How the flip did this nightmare ever happen? ran through my mind over and over; like a really bad feedback loop on constant repeat.

The tor-tye, right now, in this moment were the least of my concerns as I searched the sea for any sign of Smooch, who still hadn't surfaced.

Snowie was wailing like a demented banshee, and Parsley was frantically trying to manoeuvre the boat towards where they'd last seen him, when one of the sharks suddenly erupted from the depths, launching out of the water. Its jaws were wide open as it soared a few feet above the rowboat, and to my horror, it was almost the same size as the small vessel. Luckily Parsley saw it and surged backwards his oar outstretched and smacked the ferocious, razor-fanged killing machine as hard as he could, catching it in its side.  

A look of complete defeat and anguish etched its way over Snowie's face as she desperately scanned the water for Smooch as the huge shark crashed into the waves with a mighty splash at the precise location I'd last seen him, and my heart sank lower than a snake's belly in a wagon rut with a top hat on.

"Oh purrlease no!" I was nearly choking on the words as they came out of my mouth, the bile rising faster than the mercury in a thermometer with a match underneath it.

When completely out of the blue, pardon the pun, Smooch burst through the water and into view.

The relief that engulfed me was so immense, it for want of a better word was indescribable, as everything began to play out like a slow-motion movie.

I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw a dolphin had him balanced on its nose and was swimming towards the boat at a rapid rate, Parsley held out his oar for Smooch to grab, when more dolphins suddenly leapt from the gentle waves and began to attack the sharks, driving them away as Parsley and Snowie hauled Smooch aboard the small boat.

I could have cried, really, truly honestly wept with relief at the sight of him safely in the boat. It was then I realised I'd been holding my breath and I let out a huge sigh and then gulped several big breaths in to calm my severely frazzled, fried, baked and really toasted nerves.

Horice shifted beneath me, and his trunk gently nudged my side. "Cap'n Basil, me good matey's heard me call, don't ye worry about thee little one."

"What... what Horice?" I gasped, hearing the words but not quite understanding the meaning.

"I sent me fishy friends, thee dolphins a message Cap'n Basil, luckily they were near and came to the rescue." 

"But how?" I asked in astonishment.

"Oh Cap'n Basil," he almost chuckled. "I 'av many special gifts, and talking telepathically with me mateys is one of 'em."

I was dumbfounded and speechless at his explanation. "Thank ye most kindly Horice," I said with such gratitude. "I don't know what I would 'av done if..."

"Don't be worrying ye-self about such things," Horice replied softly. "It be good to 'elp me new matey's, but now we 'av to deal with evil, little blighters that be nearly upon us and in all me years I 'av never seen anyone escape them!"

His huge body shifted, and we turned to face the oncoming tor-tye, who were only 15 yards from us and by the looks of things, were revving up for the final charge. All of a sudden the wildest and most bizarre plan I'd ever come up with exploded in my mind. I leaned in close and whispered in Horice's ear.

"Cap'n Basil that be the darnedest plan that ever befell on me ears," Horice said wryly. "There be no guarantees, yet we 'av nowt to lose."

In less time than it took to say; 'walk the plank mew scurvy dog!' or 'Keelhaul the blaggard!'  the huge sapphire on Horice's forehead began to glow again, pulsing faster and faster, glowing more brightly by the second.

Shouting erupted again from behind us, and glancing over my shoulder I took in the scene.  The pod of dolphins were rapidly herding the sharks towards the beach at such a speed it was incredible. The sharks had nowhere to go, and at the last minute, they launched out of the water, sailing through the air towards the beach.

Moments later they landed beached on the shore, midway between us and the cannibal horde. The tor-tye all at once surged forward at nitrous speed and completely overwhelmed the thrashing, snapping sharks, and within mere moments the sharks had been trussed up tighter than a turkey dinner on Catmas Day. The army of tor-tye then satisfied with their latest menu option, turned and began the slow journey back towards their camp, transporting the writhing, giant sushi on their backs, and to be honest, it brought a whole new meaning to a 'platter o' fish'.

"Well, I'll be damned," Horice exclaimed. 

"Let's hope that feast keeps 'em occupied o'while," I said with acute alleviation.

"Aye, that should assuage thee blood-thirsty beasties," Horice agreed relaxing a little now the danger had seemed to pass. "That was a mightily cunning plan Cap'n Basil, arrrrrrr,"

"I couldn't 'av done without ye and ye seafaring matey's," I said rather emotionally. "Ye be the bestest for sure, thank ye again."

Horice shifted awkwardly beneath me as he cleared his throat, and I felt he was a little embarrassed, but good deeds deserved praise and thanks, and I was so thankful Smooch had been saved from the jaws of death, quite literally. Turning I glanced towards the rowboat and saw Smooch waving, albeit a little limply but neffurtheless waving at me and I gave him my bestest salute, my heart squeezed in all the right places and I smiled widely.  

A short while later, after all that excitement and I'd finally settled my acutely crisped nerves with several swigs of some mighty potent nip rum, I decided to check on the tor-tye army.  Pulling out my telescope I zoomed in on their camp down the beach and was surprised to see they'd made it back in good time, the pot was bubbling at full speed with huge flames licking up the sides, and to my complete amazement I could see that sharks fin soup was already cooking, 'Tasty!' I thought but definitely not worth the risk.

"Horice?" I asked suddenly.

"Arrrrrrr Cap'n Basil?"

"What year be this?"

Horice thought about it for a moment, and then he replied. "It be the year 1683 and a bit, if me calculations be right, why ye ask?"

I let this new information sink in before I answered. "Arrrrrrr... that be a fine year!" was all I could say while my inner turmoil began to erupt again.

Jumping juniper berries I was right, we'd travelled back in time through the whirlpool, how the flip were we ever going to get back now?

"AND CUT!"


 

Phew, we're exhausted after all of that and poor Smooch is still recovering from his dreadful ordeal, and we're sure mew have more questions than mew could poke a stick at! MOL

And here's some from our fab buddies from all the way back in 2015:

The Tabbies of Trout Towne asked us; What the fishing was like?

Our answer is, mostly furry deadly ~ Our hearty recommendation is DON'T DO IT

Also, Flynn asked about the orb in episode 2 - link at the top of the page. 

Sorry, we still have nothing to report on that as of yet, maybe in the next episode, we'll have more info to impart. 

Kitties Blue wanted to know; If they were teenage tortoises, and possibly mutants?

Hmmmm, we're not sure about the age of them, but they're definitely MUTANTS

If mew have any questions feel free as to ask.

*    *    *

To find out what happens next; we'll be back in a couple of days continuing tension and to see what on earth is going to happen next, and in the meantime, take a breath, a swig of nip rum, and let's calm the fluff down! MOL 

ARRRRRRRR ME HEARTIES

This be

Cap'n Basil & the Crew of The Crimson Revenge

Signing out until the next time... ARRRRRRR

Click here to go to Part 5

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**PIRATE TAILS REVISITED**The Extraordinary Voyages of Cap'n Basil Blackheart & His Motley Crew ~ Part III

Welcome to 

Featuring a rerun of our bonkers time travelling pirate adventure

The Extraordinary Voyages of  Cap'n Basil Blackheart and his Motley Crew 

aboard

The Crimson Revenge

Arrrrr and greetings wunderpurr pals

Welcome to the 3rd episode of our pirate adventure rerun; immerse yourselves in the heart of the action and let it unfold right before your very eyes and just in case mew missed anything, here are the links for the last 2 epically epic episodes:

Part I  ~  Part II

>^.^<

A quick recap 

The Crimson Revenge limped, for want of a better wurd, towards the shore and we headed towards a small, secluded cove and dropped the anchor. [Luckily we still had one].

After what had seemed like an unreal ordeal, I finally took a deep breath and exhaled slowly letting the angst wash off me.  

Then the reality dawned on me;

Where the flip were we, and how the heck were we going to get home?

This was only the beginning of our troubles, and then, just when I thought it couldn't get any wurse, we were all roused out of our shock by the sudden and violent shaking of the trees on the nearby beach as a horrifically loud trumpeting blare reverberated around the cove.

It sent shivers down me timbers and rattled my draws.

Smooch was trembling as he asked. "Basil, what on earth was that?"

I stared at the beach watching the trees intently, and I swear I saw a column of black smoke swirl just out of the tree line before it disappeared into the dense jungle.

Swallowing hard and trying to keep my voice steady. "Smooch I think it was monkeys!" I lied.

 "And Cut!"

>^.^<

So hold ye fast matey's, as we're in fur a wild ride today

Aharr

>^.^<

Part III ~  The Landing Pawty

"And Action!"

We moored The Crimson Revenge in the secluded cove and headed for dry land in the rowboat.  At furst glance, it appeared rather idyllic, but from past experience, I knew about things that seemed too good to be true, in other wurds they usually weren't.



Humphrey, Amber and Posie stayed aboard The Crimson Revenge, as also from past experience I've found it most prudent to always leave some crew put while mew go exploring, as mew never know what might be waiting on board to surprise mew when mew get back. Plus they could start the clean up, Humphrey needed something to keep him occupied before he found the nip stash and fell back into his nip coma.

Anyhoo, I'm digressing. So there we were, a landing pawty of four. Myself, Smooch, Snowie and Parsley. It didn't take two shakes of a lamb's tail until our sturdy rowboat hit the shallows and then the sandy shore. I leapt out, my paws landing with a small splash in the surprisingly warm water.

"Hmmmmm.... seems pleasant enough," I commented, ambling onto the soft, silky sand and taking in the relaxing tropical island vibe, obviously looking for the best location for my hammock. 

Smooch and Parsley tied the rowboat to a rock protruding out of the golden sand, and then Snowie disembarked.

It was at that precise moment the terrifying, blaring trumpeting sound began again, and the beach shook beneath our paws as a huge column of black smoke rose above the tree line. There was the awful sound of fully grown trees snapping and splintering as though they were mere twigs, and I gulped.

"Run for cover," I shouted and headed off in the opposite direction to the noise.

I legged it down the beach, dived behind a pile of rocks and crouched down, my breathing was hard, and my heart was hammering frantically as I wundered what was coming for us.   

From my now hidden position, I could see that Parsley and Snowie had jumped back into the rowing boat and were paddling like demons possessed out to sea. When they were just far enough offshore, they stopped and gave me a friendly little wave.

"Darn it! Darn it and double darn it!" I muttered angrily, although I couldn't blame them as it felt like an earthquake was happening.  

Taking out my supurr compact telescope, I extended it fully, scanning the tree line from my hiding place when Smooch suddenly popped up between the lower rocks and scared the literal bejeezus out of me.



"Pssst! Psssst!" he whispered urgently.

"What the fluff?"I hissed nearly jumping out of my fur, launching the telescope skywards. "Where the heck did mew come from?"

He gave me his bestest cheeky grin. "I was hot on your heels all the way, mew don't think I'm going to be missing out on any of the action do mew?"

I shook my head in utter dismay, catching the falling spyglass in my paw and wishing that Smooch had been in the rowing boat too.  "Of course not," I replied with mild annoyance as I lifted it to my eye again and began to survey the jungle again.

The noise had stopped abruptly as it had started, but then as I followed the length of the beach, I spied the black smoke emerging from the dense tree line and out into full view on the beach.

I swallowed hard. "Get down Smooch," I hissed as I ducked behind the rocks.

The smoke swirled and spiralled in a most devilish and unnatural way that it made my blood run cold as I peeked out not daring to take my eyes from it, and right now if it came our way we'd have no choice but to run for the jungle, and running into an unknown jungle blindly is one of the most stupid things mew could effur do, trust me; been there, done that before, I do not recommend it on any level.

"Smooch," I whispered as a crazy idea came to me. "If that thing comes our way, I'll distract it and mew head for Snowie and Parsley, ok?"

"But..." he protested rather vehemently. "Mew said it was only monkeys."

"No buts and I lied about the monkeys... we have no idea what that thing is or what it can do," I answered firmly. "Now that's an order."

He hung his head, muttering several unspeakables under his breath but then conceded and gave me a brief nod.

"Good, now keep low," I said as I crawled through the sand for a better look.

The black smoke had almost reached the water's edge when it suddenly started to grow bigger, denser and swirled faster and faster, like a mini-tornado.

"Leaping leprechauns," I shuddered and pondered the possibilities.

Just as I had begun to formulate a plan, a glowing sphere burst from the swirling black smoke, and it was followed by the most unbelievable thing I'd ever seen; blue sparks of electricity filled the cloud. There was a brief implosion of searing aqua light, and then I was rendered totally speechless.

The glowing sphere landed in the shallows with a splash, and a newly visible huge, grey beast took a tentative step to the ocean's edge.

I rubbed my eyes in disbelief, then I double-checked through the telescope, and this is exactly what I saw...

... a flipping great, big Heffle-lump. "My god," I breathed as Smooch took a peek.

"Basil, what is that thing?" he asked, his voice quivering.

"That young Smooch is a Heffle-lump," I answered.

He nudged me, and I turned to see his mightily puzzled expression.  "What is one of those?" he asked.

*     *     * 

I took a breath and remembered back to my days as a secret agent in the F.I.B. aka Field Intelligence Bureau, when I was working on a case. Obviously, due to its classified nature, I can't reveal all the details, but needless to say, I came across a very valuable book, and not just any valuable book. This particular volume which fell into my paws was called 'The Secret World' by Dr H. P. Sawce, a wurld-renowned explorer from the 1600s, who documented a journal of the rarest creatures gracing our planet. I read the book at the time and now remembered its opening passage;

'Twas a strange night, the sea had been calm when we left port on the high tide, but twas not too much later when we were struck by such a malady it can hardly be explained without one thinking either I am a liar or much worse, a lunatic.  A whirlpool of significant proportions caught our sailing vessel in its vicious current, and after the ship nearly being crushed and sinking, I and a handful of survivors washed up on the shore of an unknown land. As far as I can tell, the year is still 1683, as the constellations are still recognizable. That is the only good news right now.'

  I took a sharp intake of breath as I remembered another passage.

'Twould seem that this foreign land is of an origin not known to modern man, as the beasts and creatures that inhabit this mysterious island have not been documented anywhere in the modern worlde thus far to my knowledge, and I have spent my entire life in the research of such things with the most esteemed teachers of my time.'

My mind raced, as I began to ponder the possibilities again. 

*    *    *

"Smooch," I said suddenly. "Would mew wait here while I go and have a little parle with that?" I pointed towards the Heffle-lump with my sword.

Smooch's eyes nearly pinged out on stalks. "Mew want to go and talk to it?" Smooch almost choked on the wurds.

I nodded. "Yep, won't be a mo... wait there..." and I headed off down the beach towards the huge creature.

I flipped my hat around as I approached the fabled beast not wanting to create a bad impression with the skull and crossbones emblem. Turning briefly, I gave Smooch a taut smile and a little wave and saw his shocked expression as he crouched low behind the rocks.

The Heffle-lump was engrossed in watching the strange, glowing sphere splashing with a life of its own in the shallow water. Taking tentative steps forward, not taking my eyes from the scene in front of me, a ginormous sapphire gemstone appeared from nowhere and sat glittering on the beast's forehead.  I was completely pawestruck at the twinkling jewel, and by my estimation, it would be wurth at least enough to buy a small country in today's money and have some change left for some serious redecoration and a small army too.

"Wow, now that's furry impressive," I murmured as I approached the softly lapping water about ten feet away, and then stuck my sword into the sand by some rocks.

I edged closer and sat down on the warm sand; it felt really good, and for an instant, images of monster-sized litter boxes filled my mind.  (Don't ask me why I was imagining that at this moment, as I'm also furry purrplexed at this!)

A few minutes passed, and nothing happened, finally, I cleared my throat rather noisily, and the Heffle-lump stared straight at me, unblinking with no tell of what it might do. Having absolutely nothing to lose at this point, I lifted a paw, waved in a non-threatening manner and said in a right propurr and polite manner. "Greetings oh great bejewelled beast!"

It stared at me and said nothing.

"Sprecken ze Anglish?" I tried.

No response.

"Parle vous de Engle-ish?" I asked.

Nothing.

"Hablas Espanol-eeez?" I purrsevered.

Nada.

Finally, with nothing left to lose, I tried classic 16th-century pirate-speak. "Arrrrrrr, me hearty beast, do ye be understanding me... arrrrrr?"

Its trunk shot up, and it trumpeted so loudly I thought my ears would fall off. Then it spoke, its voice was deep and resonating. "Arrrrrr me hearty little one, I understand thee very well."

If mew'd flipped me sideways, rolled me in treacle and sprinkled nip sugar all over me, I couldn't have been any more surprised. In fact, I couldn't believe it, the Heffle-lump actually understood and had replied, this was epic on so many levels.

"Arrrrrrr, I be Cap'n Basil Blackheart," I said not wanting to lose the momentum. "And that be me beautiful ship, The Crimson Revenge," I pointed out into the bay at the battered excuse for a sea-worthy vessel. "Me and me scurvy crew, ran into a mighty rum storm 'n  ended up on this fair 'n pleasant shore... arrrrrr."

The Heffle-lump seemed to digest this information and then replied. "That be the Tempest o' thee ill Winds that brung ye to my shore, ye'll here for some time as that be the way o' thee storm."

It was my turn to digest the information.  "How long exactly... arrrrrr?"

"It be hard to tell," answered the Heffle-lump. "Could be o' day, could be o' year, could be longer still... if ye survive..." then added. "Me name be Horice, I be the last Keeper o' thee Secret Pagoda."

I glanced at Smooch several times to see him on more than one of these occasions waving his paws about like a loony, it took a moment, and then I realised he was using semaphore signals and watched him more closely.

Deciphering his message, I replayed it in my mind. 'Basil get the fluff out of there, there's an army of pygmy tortoises just o'ways up the beach...'  (the word pygmy's took some getting I might add).

I gave Smooch the thumbs up, as best a cat can do thumbs up and spoke again.  "Arrrrrr Horice me hearty heffle-lump, me crewmate, Peg-Leg Smooch who be hiding like a big-gurls-blouse behind them rocks o'er yonder says we 'av company in the guise of a posse o' pygmy tortoises, what do ye know of these small, shelled folk...arrrrrr?

Horice's eyes bulged, and he glanced over his shoulder towards the unimaginably slow but nevertheless approaching relentless horde.

"Cap'n Basil, we be 'aving a problem," he said rather worriedly. "They be a deadly horde o' ravenous, pygmy cannibal tor-tye, we should be skedaddling smartly before they get o'er here or they'll be picking our bones clean in no time."

I stared in utter amazement at the army of green armoured shells, painted in brightly coloured yellow, blue and white pigment closing the gap between us in eye-watering slowness and burst out laughing.

"Horice, ye be jesting me, pulling me rigging aye?"

Horice shook his head solemnly. "Nay Cap'n Basil, they be the most devious, menacing little blighters, savvy?"

I shook my head.

"They do thee approaching real slow like, lulling ye into a false security, then at thee last few yards while ye be laughing ye boots off at thee absurdity of it, thee charge at speed ye'll no'er see coming, and before ye know it, ye'll be trussed up tighter than a wench in a bodice at thee Inn of ill Repute, and be on ye way to thee pot for o'boilin'!"

I tipped me hat back and scratched me, sorry, my head in sheer perplexment as I carefully monitored the progress of the advancing horde.  I wandered to my sword, pulled it free of the sand and turned to face Horice.

"What do ye suggest to solve this puzzling predicament... arrrrrrr? I asked thoughtfully.

Horice glanced over his shoulder again, trumpeted really loudly and screamed, "RUN YE SCALLYWAGS... RUN!"

At that precise moment, the shelled army began to speed up.


"And Cut!"


 

Guy's, we're doing it again and leaving mew in all in acute, harrowing suspense with a new threat hot [well tepid at the moment] on our heels, but mew know that's the drill! MOL

The questions are piling up at a rate of knots, such as:

Where the fluff are mew?

What the heck is a Heffle-lump?

And really, pygmy cannibal tor-tye's? REALLY?

Again, where the fluff are mew?

 Are mew and the crew going to be tasty delicacies for an army of graffiti-covered tortoises?

How will mew outrun this new threat?

How fast do they run, seriously?

Can they swim too?

Like seriously, OMC, this is seriously serious! OMC this is more suspenseful than 'LOST'  they only had polar bears to deal with!

What other threats lurk on this seemingly idyllic island?

If mew have any questions feel free to ask!

*    *    *

Click the link below for the continuing tension and to see if we survive this new bizarre new threat in the guise of seemingly benign Tortii!  

Hearty purrs and salty sea spray head rubs

Cap'n Basil & the Crew of The Crimson Revenge 

Click here to go to Part 4 

 

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