**TOP SECRET - DO NOT READ WITHOUT CLEARANCE**
CLASSIFIED B TEAM FILES
**2016 REVISITED**
FAST, FURRY & DANGEROUS
Pawesome Monday greetings supurr pals
Welcome to Part VI of our epically epic and rather explosive report ~ only available here, for your eyes only in the CFR [Classified File Room], and if mew missed any reports, here are the links:
Part VI
Arms, Ammo, Trucks and The Air Force!
'And Action!'
It took us a few minutes to locate a crane small enough to fit in the shed and then find some straps to secure them too as we hoisted the weasel dudes and Dwight safely to the ground.
It took us a few minutes to locate a crane small enough to fit in the shed and then find some straps to secure them too as we hoisted the weasel dudes and Dwight safely to the ground.
"We're going to need a knife," I said pointing. "To cut these sticky cocoons off."
Smooch whipped out a small bowie knife, the blade glinting in the soft light.
"Mew call that a knife?" Parsley snorted with laughter as he slowly unsheathed his own ten-inch blade. "Now this is a knife!" He smirked and sliced it through the air like Zorro with his sword.
The cocooned weasels all gulped audibly as Parsley strode towards them wielding the blade; the next thirty seconds happened in a complete blur as Parsley cut the weasels free with his mad ninja-knife-skills.
"Woah!" Smooch breathed in awe. "Have mew been practising Parsley?"
Parsley gave us his toothiest grin and replied. "It's amazing what tutorials mew can find on YouTube."
I shook my head and thought. 'Oh my cod, whatever next?'
"Dwight," I said after a few moments. "What happened dude?"
"Yeah!" said a yard dude his voice shaking. "I've never been so scared in all my life... I couldn't move, scream or do anything..." he paused. "Actually I did do something... I'm going to go get a hose and have a wash."
Smooch gave him a sympathetic smile and helped him up. "Come on," he said gently. "Anypawdy else need a hose down?"
The three other yard dudes made a move and followed Smooch outside.
Parsley and I remained as Dwight continued. "Those freaking nutty squirrels took everything they could carry and stole one of the armoured Saracens and just took off leaving us at the mercy of the big-ass arachnid freak!"
"Not good," Parsley murmured.
"I thought mew'd sold me out Dwight!" I said.
The weasel looked at me sadly. "Basil, I would never sell mew out buddy, mew were my first ever customer and have remained my best customer to this day," he took a breath and sighed deeply. "I'm so sorry that all this happened... those vermin pests got into my computer and took all the info off and that's how they must have found mew!"
I nodded.
"But mew will never know how thankful I am that mew turned up today, because if mew hadn't," Dwight paused. "We'd all have ended up like Scruff."
We turned and looked at the pile of red icky goop on the concrete floor.
"May mew rest in peace Scruff," I said solemnly saluting to the remains of yard dude number five.
"Oh he was my best mechanic," Dwight sighed sadly, wiping a tear from his eye. "How will I tell his missus about this?"
"Dwight, mew will find the right words at the right time dude," I said softly.
Dwight wiped his eyes and sniffled loudly. "Your two young cadets are some rare fighting force, they were merciless," Dwight said quickly changing the subject. "And that was genius to get the flame thrower Basil."
I shrugged and Parsley gave him a gentle smile.
"We did what anypawdy else would have done," I answered.
Dwight shook his head. "No Basil, anypawdy else would have run and left us to be spidey snacks," he answered resolutely. "Mew have honour, there's not many of us left with that trait today."
I nodded. "This is true Dwight, we are a rare breed bordering on extinction."
"Look, I know it's no consolation but I am truly sorry that those squirrels found mew because of your connection with me and I'll do anything to make it up to mew," said Dwight.
"Dwight, dude, buddy, mew were sadly a victim... or for want of a better word a pawn in the P.I.T.H.'s game to get to me," I sighed heavily. "And mew lost one of your bestest yard dudes due to their hatred for me, but I will avenge Scruff and I vow to mew that if it's that last thing I do I'll take those P.I.T.H.-heads down and bury them."
Dwight nodded. "I know mew will."
"Yeah," Parsley agreed. "Dwight those P.I.T.H.-heads are toast dude, I'll make certain of it."
Dwight and Parsley paw-bumped and Parsley gave him a vicious smile that freaked the fur off me.
I thought to myself, 'I must put some pawrental controls on YouTube when this is all over!'
At that moment Smooch appeared with the remaining yard dudes, all smelling a lot fresher than before.
"What's happening?" he asked.
Dwight suddenly grinned and said. "I think mew need to come with me."
We walked down the aisle and passed the fetid steaming-gooey remains of Shelob's great, great, great, great, etc... grand-spider and arrived at the secret door where I'd been only a short time ago. He swung the door open and we entered the room I'd taken the flame thrower from earlier. Parsley and Smooch couldn't believe their eyes when they saw all the weaponry.
"OH MY COD!" Smooch breathed in awe as he scanned the room. "I want that one... that one... this one... some of those... that one... OH MY COD I want all of them!" he pointed like a cat possessed at all the firearms.
"Yeah, what he said!" Parsley added. "We'll take it all Dwight!"
The weasel laughed and said. "Guys take the lot and go raise hell with my blessing!" Dwight then yelled to his yard dudes. "Axel, Blade, Bogey & Finch come get all these weapons and get plenty of ammo for my pawesome furiends!"
A few minutes later we were out in the compound and Smooch immediately ran towards a fire engine.
"OH MY COD!" Smooch breathed in awe as he scanned the room. "I want that one... that one... this one... some of those... that one... OH MY COD I want all of them!" he pointed like a cat possessed at all the firearms.
"Yeah, what he said!" Parsley added. "We'll take it all Dwight!"
The weasel laughed and said. "Guys take the lot and go raise hell with my blessing!" Dwight then yelled to his yard dudes. "Axel, Blade, Bogey & Finch come get all these weapons and get plenty of ammo for my pawesome furiends!"
A few minutes later we were out in the compound and Smooch immediately ran towards a fire engine.
"Whoooaaaa!" I exclaimed. "That's pawesome."
Smooch and Parsley were on it, in it and all over it in seconds, and before I knew what was happening they were careening around the compound with the lights flashing and siren blaring with Parsley hanging off the back whooping like a crazed kitty.
"I think they like that one," I laughed and made a mental note to check what else Parsley had been watching on YouTube.
"Seems so," Dwight chuckled.
The freebie shopping frenzy continued...
... until I finally said. "Guy's enough we have to go asap, remember Humphrey's MIA and Snowie is freaking out?"
The two heathens looked at me like I was the biggest pawty-pooper in the known cosmos.
"Awwwwwww Basil, mew're no fun," Smooch complained.
"Yeah," agreed Parsley. "We were just getting warmed up!"
Dwight grinned at me and said. "Mew two can come and have a weekend with me and the yard dudes after mew've dealt with the P.I.T.H-heads, ok?"
Smooch and Parsley beamed excitedly. "Really, a whole weekend with guns, tanks, armoured vehicles and everything?"
"Sure thing," Dwight answered. "My compound is your compound and I'll get the fire engine, trucks and jeep plus the surplus weapons and ammo put on a low-loader and delivered in a couple of days ok?"
They nodded happily, in fact mew could almost feel the happies radiating from them.
"And the hummer is filled to the brim with as many weapons as Axel and the guys could fit in with the ammo too of course," Dwight added.
Dwight and I paw-bumped as I climbed into the hummer. "Thanks dude," I said. "I'll be in touch and organise the weekend for the heathens."
"See mew soon Dwight and get the 50 cal ready!" Smooch said.
"Yeah and the uzi's and H and K's, not forgetting the AK's too!" Parsley added.
Dwight and the yard dudes waved as drove off and I said. "Are mew two happy now?"
They turned and grinned at me like Cheshire cats. "Oh we sure are!" they said in unison.
The two heathens looked at me like I was the biggest pawty-pooper in the known cosmos.
"Awwwwwww Basil, mew're no fun," Smooch complained.
"Yeah," agreed Parsley. "We were just getting warmed up!"
Dwight grinned at me and said. "Mew two can come and have a weekend with me and the yard dudes after mew've dealt with the P.I.T.H-heads, ok?"
Smooch and Parsley beamed excitedly. "Really, a whole weekend with guns, tanks, armoured vehicles and everything?"
"Sure thing," Dwight answered. "My compound is your compound and I'll get the fire engine, trucks and jeep plus the surplus weapons and ammo put on a low-loader and delivered in a couple of days ok?"
They nodded happily, in fact mew could almost feel the happies radiating from them.
"And the hummer is filled to the brim with as many weapons as Axel and the guys could fit in with the ammo too of course," Dwight added.
Dwight and I paw-bumped as I climbed into the hummer. "Thanks dude," I said. "I'll be in touch and organise the weekend for the heathens."
"See mew soon Dwight and get the 50 cal ready!" Smooch said.
"Yeah and the uzi's and H and K's, not forgetting the AK's too!" Parsley added.
Dwight and the yard dudes waved as drove off and I said. "Are mew two happy now?"
They turned and grinned at me like Cheshire cats. "Oh we sure are!" they said in unison.
We'd just pulled out onto the main road when my comms unit buzzed.
"Basil, Basil, come in!" Snowie said urgently.
"Snowie are mew ok?" I answered as icily tendrils of dread made my hackles rise.
"Basil we've got a situation," Snowie replied, her voice tense.
"Go ahead," I replied.
"I've just heard from Humphrey and we've got five hostiles closing fast," she paused. "I repeat five hostiles closing fast!"
I took a moment before I said. "Where's Humphrey?"
"Purredator One is following them but he's outnumbered!" Snowie answered.
This was not good, because if I knew Humphrey, five to one odds were just playtime for him... in his mind... "Oh fluff!" I replied. "How long till they breach the Mewton-Clawson border?"
"Ten minutes tops!" Snowie answered.
I thought about this for a second as my paw pressed the accelerator all the way down to the floor. "We can't get back in time, we're still about forty minutes away!" I said, my voice edgy.
"What are we going to do?" Snowie asked, her voice was almost a squeak.
"Where's Amber?"
"She's getting weaponed up?" Snowie replied.
"Good, now get C.J. and tell him what's happening, he'll help," I said. "I need to make a call and I'll be right back!"
I cut the connection with a tap of my paw. Smooch and Parsley looked at me with trepidation. "What's happening Basil?"
I relayed the info to them as quickly as I could and they began to bristle. "So what now?" Parsley asked.
"I need to make this call!" I said and tapped my phone.
A moment later I heard ringing.
Ring ring... ring ring... ring ring...
"You have reached Air Base Delta, how may I help you?" a voice said.
"This is Sleeper Agent Basil Widdairs number, two-seven-nine-three-five-eight I need air assistance right now!" I said urgently.
There was a pause on the line as I waited for confirmation.
I was driving like a maniac when the voice said. "Agent Basil we have confirmed your identity and location, where do you need air support?"
"Mewton-Clawson!" I almost growled as my agitation got the better of me. "Let me hand mew to my next in command and he'll give mew the co-ordinates."
Smooch and Parsley both grappled for the phone. "But I'm number two!" Smooch griped as Parsley grabbed the phone.
I shook my head in dismay.
"This is Agent Basil's number two," Parsley said smoothly. "Mew can call me Purredator."
"Go ahead Purredator," the voice replied.
"The coordinates are..." Parsley said rambling off the longitude and latitude from memory.
"Copy that Purredator," the voice replied. "Do you need airstrike?"
"Do we need airstrike?" Parsley asked me.
"Only if the P.I.T.H. attacks first," I answered as I overtook another Sunday driver. "We don't really want to turn Mewton-Clawson into a civilian war zone if we can help it, but those squirrels are capable of anything right now!"
"Air Base Delta we require repeated fly over until hostiles retreat," Parsley said. "Airstrike only if hostiles attack first, I repeat airstrike only if hostiles attack furst."
"Copy that," the voice said. "Five fighter jets have been deployed eta in six minutes and thirty seconds."
I took a deep breath as I careened around several more Sunday drivers. Tapping my comms unit I said. "Snowie are mew there?"
"Basil I'm here, Amber is up top and C.J. is getting armed to the teeth, even Horice is out!" she answered.
"I have air support coming, they will be with mew in just over five minutes," I said quickly. "They will only fire if the P.I.T.H attack, so try not to engage as hopefully when they see my old air force crew they'll retreat."
"Copy that," Snowie said.
"Where's Humphrey?" I asked.
"He's gone dark!" she answered.
My heart sank at that because knowing Humphrey the way I do could only mean one thing, he was planning an ambush which was really, really, really bad news.
"Is there any way to contact him?" I said urgently, as a brainwave hit me like a shovel in the face. "Wait, get one of the robotic pigeons and send it with a message to him, telling him not to engage in a firefight and do it now, because if he starts shooting, the fighter jets are going to unleash hell."
I heard Snowie's gulp and she squeaked. "Copy that, I'm on it."
Gripping the steering wheel tighter I clenched my teeth and drove like a cat out of hell.
"Basil, Basil, come in!" Snowie said urgently.
"Snowie are mew ok?" I answered as icily tendrils of dread made my hackles rise.
"Basil we've got a situation," Snowie replied, her voice tense.
"Go ahead," I replied.
"I've just heard from Humphrey and we've got five hostiles closing fast," she paused. "I repeat five hostiles closing fast!"
I took a moment before I said. "Where's Humphrey?"
"Purredator One is following them but he's outnumbered!" Snowie answered.
This was not good, because if I knew Humphrey, five to one odds were just playtime for him... in his mind... "Oh fluff!" I replied. "How long till they breach the Mewton-Clawson border?"
"Ten minutes tops!" Snowie answered.
I thought about this for a second as my paw pressed the accelerator all the way down to the floor. "We can't get back in time, we're still about forty minutes away!" I said, my voice edgy.
"What are we going to do?" Snowie asked, her voice was almost a squeak.
"Where's Amber?"
"She's getting weaponed up?" Snowie replied.
"Good, now get C.J. and tell him what's happening, he'll help," I said. "I need to make a call and I'll be right back!"
I cut the connection with a tap of my paw. Smooch and Parsley looked at me with trepidation. "What's happening Basil?"
I relayed the info to them as quickly as I could and they began to bristle. "So what now?" Parsley asked.
"I need to make this call!" I said and tapped my phone.
A moment later I heard ringing.
Ring ring... ring ring... ring ring...
"You have reached Air Base Delta, how may I help you?" a voice said.
"This is Sleeper Agent Basil Widdairs number, two-seven-nine-three-five-eight I need air assistance right now!" I said urgently.
There was a pause on the line as I waited for confirmation.
I was driving like a maniac when the voice said. "Agent Basil we have confirmed your identity and location, where do you need air support?"
"Mewton-Clawson!" I almost growled as my agitation got the better of me. "Let me hand mew to my next in command and he'll give mew the co-ordinates."
Smooch and Parsley both grappled for the phone. "But I'm number two!" Smooch griped as Parsley grabbed the phone.
I shook my head in dismay.
"This is Agent Basil's number two," Parsley said smoothly. "Mew can call me Purredator."
"Go ahead Purredator," the voice replied.
"The coordinates are..." Parsley said rambling off the longitude and latitude from memory.
"Copy that Purredator," the voice replied. "Do you need airstrike?"
"Do we need airstrike?" Parsley asked me.
"Only if the P.I.T.H. attacks first," I answered as I overtook another Sunday driver. "We don't really want to turn Mewton-Clawson into a civilian war zone if we can help it, but those squirrels are capable of anything right now!"
"Air Base Delta we require repeated fly over until hostiles retreat," Parsley said. "Airstrike only if hostiles attack first, I repeat airstrike only if hostiles attack furst."
"Copy that," the voice said. "Five fighter jets have been deployed eta in six minutes and thirty seconds."
I took a deep breath as I careened around several more Sunday drivers. Tapping my comms unit I said. "Snowie are mew there?"
"Basil I'm here, Amber is up top and C.J. is getting armed to the teeth, even Horice is out!" she answered.
"I have air support coming, they will be with mew in just over five minutes," I said quickly. "They will only fire if the P.I.T.H attack, so try not to engage as hopefully when they see my old air force crew they'll retreat."
"Copy that," Snowie said.
"Where's Humphrey?" I asked.
"He's gone dark!" she answered.
My heart sank at that because knowing Humphrey the way I do could only mean one thing, he was planning an ambush which was really, really, really bad news.
"Is there any way to contact him?" I said urgently, as a brainwave hit me like a shovel in the face. "Wait, get one of the robotic pigeons and send it with a message to him, telling him not to engage in a firefight and do it now, because if he starts shooting, the fighter jets are going to unleash hell."
I heard Snowie's gulp and she squeaked. "Copy that, I'm on it."
Gripping the steering wheel tighter I clenched my teeth and drove like a cat out of hell.
** And Cut **
It's that time of the post again, when we bet mew've more questions than mew can shake your tail at!
Such as:
OMC How could mew leave us hanging like that and we've got a whole day to wait?!! Again!!
Jeez, how lucky are Smoochie and Parsley to get all those new toys?
Were mew really a fighter pilot?
What's it like to fly a fighter jet?
Was your pilot name Top Cat?
Where will mew put all the new trucks and jeep?
How cool is that fire engine, can we come fur a drive?
What's an H and K gun?
Will mew really let Parsley and Smooch go to Dwight's fur the weekend?
Is Horice going to use his mystical powers?
Does C.J. have field training?
etc...
We're sure mew purrobably have many more but to be honest we can't think of any right now as we've got to get back to Mewton-Clawson like yesterday before it becomes an Armageddon war zone!
Many thanks for joining us for our epic re-run of
FAST, FURRY & DANGEROUS
Don't forget to sneak back into the CLASSIFIED FILE ROOM next Monday for Part 7.
Until then
DON'T GO OUT OF THE GARDEN!!!
Epic purrs
Commander Basil
&
Click here to go to the next report in Episode 7
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