**2015 REVISITED** Tuesday Tails ~ The Extraordinary Voyages of Cap'n Basil Blackheart & His Motley Crew ~ Part VIII

Welcome to 

Featuring a rerun of our bonkers time travelling pirate adventure

The Extraordinary Voyages of  Cap'n Basil Blackheart and his Motley Crew 

aboard

The Crimson Revenge

Arrrrrr and greetings wunderpurr pals

Welcome to the 8th episode of our fabulous new adventure and just in case mew missed anything, here are the links for the last 7 epically epic episodes:

Part I  ~  Part II  ~  Part III ~ Part IV  ~  Part V ~  Part VI 

Part VII

>^.^<

A quick recap from the last episode:

"Jumping jeepers!" Snowie burst out. "What the flip is happening?"

Horice is there anyway mew could toss me to the ship from here?" I asked urgently.

The heffle-lump thought for a spell. "Aye Cap'n Basil, if I hold ye in me trunk and get a lash on I think I could possibly get ye the distance ye require."

"Make it so big guy!" I said. "I need to be on that ship, mew guys get the rowboat and meet me there pronto."

Grasping Horice by the trunk, I gripped on tightly with both paws.

"Are ye ready Cap'n Basil?" he asked.

"Aye that I am."

He lifted me up and then began to spin his trunk like a propeller, faster and faster and faster.

I was barely holding on when Horice yelled. "Now!"

I let go and was jettisoned at almost warp speed towards the ship.

As I flew I saw Parsley, Snowie and Smooch running along the soft, sandy shore towards the moored rowboat with Horice hot on their heels.

I whipped my sword out and held it in front of me as I soared through the air like a burd on a purrfect trajectory towards The Crimson Revenge.

Just as I had almost reached my crew, a huge thundering boom resounded around the bay, I barrel rolled to pinpoint the source and when I did locate it my heart sank, the Kraken was small fry compared to what was coming next.

"AND CUT!"

*     *     *

So hold ye fast matey's, as we're in for another wild ride today

Aharr

>^.^<

Part VIII 

A Blast in the Past

"And Action!"

The Kraken sank beneath the waves in a huge plume of billowing steam as the raging fire was extinguished.

Landing on the deck with a bump and rolling most agilely to my paws, I pulled out my telescope and scanned the seas.

"Crew," I yelled. "Great to be back, thanks for blowing up the Kraken and saving the ship but I'm afraid we've got another purroblem now."

Amber let out a weary sigh. "Purrlease, can't we just take five?" 

I shook my head as another boom resounded around the bay. Handing her the telescope, she spied in the direction I pointed.

"Oh for flips sake," she cried in dismay. "Can't a girl just have a nap?"

"What is it?" Humphrey asked taking the spyglass from her, he paused for a second and then added. "This is not good and after all the damage we've sustained, we're like a sitting duck on a millpond."

Posie was next to observe. "Oh, this is bad, bad, bad.  And we've only just gotten rid of the last problem."

I took the spyglass back and looked again.

"There's good news and bad news," I said solemnly. "Which do mew want furst?"

"Defo the bad," my crew answered in unison.

"This is the historical data I do know as fact," I began. "The ship fast approaching us is called The Filthy Pearl, she has 20 cannons on each side and more crew than mew could count on Smooch's 3 paws times three and then some. The capitan's name was or is Raveneau and he was or is a total psycho, lunatic pirate... also that ship, was the fastest ship of its time and by all accounts sank everything it chased down. In 1683 Raveneau was the most feared pirate of all and the most cut-throat too, there are other things, really rather horrible and most unpleasant but I don't think mew guys need to hear them right now... so that's the bad news."

"And what's the good news?" Posie gulped as another boom sounded and moments later there was a rather large splash just off the starboard side.

"We have 21st-century tech on board," I gave them an uber-toothy grin, which if I'm honest was really, quite smirkingly evil. "What mew guys don't know is that under the fragile wooden shell of The Crimson Revenge lies the hull of a 21st-century warship, armed to teeth me hearties! AHAAAAAR!"  

I laughed out loud as excitement trickled through my veins like an adrenaline shot of liquid catnip at the thought of a sea skirmish with one of the most notorious pirates of the era. My crew gave me a series of rather puzzled looks.

"Arrrrrrrrrrr me scurvy crew, we be 'aving a little taste o' battle," I said releasing my inner pirate. "Now get thee to ye battle stations and let's be 'aving a blast in the past."

Seconds later Smoochie hauled himself onto the deck, followed by Parsley and Snowie.

Humphrey sidled up to them, he took a swig of nip rum and then offered the bottle around. "Mew'll be needing this in a minute."

"What, are mew serious?" Snowie asked after Humphrey explained the situation. "We've been sailing a frigging warship, and now we've got a bunch of hardcore pirates firing cannons at us, and Basil is laughing about it?"

Humphrey nodded and gulped a bit more nip rum.

"Wow," Smoochie breathed. "This is exactly what I signed up for."

Parsley nodded in agreement and the pair pootled over the smashed deck towards the stern.

"Basil! Basil! Basil!" Smooch yelled.

I peeked around the doorway from out of the cabin. "Smooch we've got..." I began.

"We know," Smooch answered. "Me and Parsley are very excited, what can we do?"

  "Well," I replied, my grin more manic than a fat cat in a catnip factory. "We'll be 'aving a little fun me hearties."

I whipped out the blueprints of The Crimson Revenge and unrolled them on the huge, carved desk placing some 18th-century navigational tools at the corners to keep them unfurled; then I showed the ship's inner core to Smoochie and Parsley. 

They poured over the documents for a whole two minutes and grinned at me like they were fat cats in a catnip factory too. It warmed my heart to see them so excited.

"Me likey a lot," Parsley breathed in awe.

"Me too," Smooch said excitedly. "I want the 50 cal." 

Humphrey, Snowie, Amber and Posie had joined us and were quietly surveying the blueprints, after a few moments they joined the maniacally-grinning brigade when they realised that we were more dangerous than Ernie Schwarzafluffer in The Purrminator One, Two and Three combined.

 Humphrey looked at me, his eyes glinting more mischievously than I'd seen in a long time.

"I baggsey the torpedos," he said smirking. 

"That's so not fair," Posie interjected. "Mew got to play in the tank against Baron Von Booney... I want the torpedos."

Amber interrupted. "Yes, me and Posie are having the torpedos, mew can take the other 50 cal."

I stared at my crew and shook my head; who'd have thought they'd be squabbling over weapons like they were fighting over a catnip mouse at a time like this.

"Look," I said tersely as another boom resounded from The Filthy Pearl. "Humphrey mew and Parsley take the mortar gun and rain a barrage of merry hell," I turned to Smooch. "Mew take the 50 cal and fire in small controlled bursts..." Smooch was smirking like a cat who'd just inherited the catnip factory. "Smooch, small controlled bursts only," I reiterated more sternly. "And shoot at anything that's headed our way."

Amber and Posie were getting antsy. "Where's the torpedo room?" Amber asked.

"There's a secret panel in there," I pointed to the cabin behind me. "It's behind the bookcase, just pull the novel, Moby Dick and it'll open, go down the fireman's pole and mew'll be directly in the war room, everything can be operated from there."

Before I could even blink my crew had skedaddled and I was left alone with Snowie, so I yelled.

"BATTLE STATIONS ME HEARTIES, AND LET THE SEA SKIRMISH BEGIN... ARRRRRRRRRRR!"

I pushed a remote-controlled device and the secret weaponry hidden within The Crimson Revenge was revealed from behind sliding panels in less time than it took to say; 'I'll have a niptini, shaken not stirred with a sprig of catnip on the side.'  The sun glinted off the dull gun-grey metal panels as they locked into place with resounding clanks.

I took a long slow inhalation of the salty, sea air mixed with the gunpowder aroma and smoke wafting our way from The Filthy Pearl; it warmed my cockles to say the least as  I glanced around the deck and saw that Humphrey was seated behind the mortar gun and Parsley was loading the shells.  They both had big orange ear-defenders aka ear-muffs on as that gun was supurr loud.

Smooch was in position on the next deck up, he'd put on the yellow ear-muffs and was standing on a metal platform with the 50 cal belt-fed machine gun aimed and ready.

I spoke into the small remote device. "Amber are mew ready?"

"Arrrrrrrr Captain, we be ready," came her answer from deep within the ship below.

I handed Snowie a set of ear-muffs, as I pulled mine on and placed my tricorn hat over the top, and seeing that we were battle-ready I yelled. "CREW FIRE!"

Humphrey pulled the trigger on the mortar gun.  The sound was deafening.

BOOM... BOOM... BOOM... BOOM... BOOM... BOOM... BOOM... BOOM... BOOM... BOOM...

"RELOAD PARSLEY!" Humphrey shouted.

Canons sounded from The Filthy Pearl and I saw four flaming cannonballs headed straight for us. Though there were ten mortar shells headed straight for them.

"SMOOCH, FIRE AT THE FLAMING BALLS!" I shouted.

Instantly Smooch let the 50 cal rip; ratatatat.... ratatatat.... ratatatat..... ratatatat.... the spent shells hitting the metal foot-plate with a tinkling sound and piling up around his back paw. 

Ratatatat.... ratatatat.... ratatatat..... ratatatat.... ratatatat.... ratatatat.... ratatatat..... ratatatat.... ratatatat.... ratatatat.... ratatatat..... ratatatat....  He was whooping with sheer joy as the bullet's headed towards the incoming missiles.

I yelled into the remote device. "Torpedo's ready.... FIRE!"

"Arrrrrrrr Captain!" Posie answered. "Torpedos away!"

The canon balls exploded mid-arc as Smooch kept his paw on the trigger, a rain of bullets hurtling through the air; ratatatat.... ratatatat.... ratatatat..... ratatatat.... ratatatat.... ratatatat.... ratatatat..... ratatatat.... ratatatat.... ratatatat.... ratatatat..... ratatatat....

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!

Humphrey started firing again.

BOOM... BOOM... BOOM... BOOM... BOOM... BOOM... BOOM... BOOM... BOOM... BOOM...

Suddenly there was an almighty CRASHING BOOM as The Filthy Pearl exploded; the gunpowder in its hold ignited.

Smoke billowed skywards as flames engulfed the ship.

Everybody stopped firing and it seemed eerily quiet as we watched the pirate ship sink into the azure sea.

"Wow!" I said when the crew assembled on the deck a few minutes later. "That was purretty intense."

Smooch was glowing with pride. "I did it Basil! I did it Basil!" he beamed. "I blew those flaming balls into hell!"

"Mew did a great job Private," I said. "Truly stellar, all of mew were epically pawesome."

Humphrey took off his earmuffs and gave me a quizzical look. "So how come we had to fend off the Kraken with hot sauce, when if mew'd told us about the ship we could have just bombed that muther-fluffer into the netherworld?"

I knew that this was coming. "Humphrey, mew, Amber and Posie defeated the most feared sea monster of all time with nothing more than your sheer ingenuity and your lethal hot sauce," I answered. "Doesn't that make mew feel good, like really really good?" I paused. "Mew didn't need any fancy weapons, no modern tech and mew blew that freaker into oblivion and toasted its tentacled ass, mew are one serious, hardcore panfur!" 

Humphrey thought about this for a moment, his taught expression cracked into a broad smile and he cried out. "HOOAH!"  And paw-bumped Parsley and Smooch.

"Besides, mew can't have a secret weapon if it's not a secret, can mew?" 

The crew all laughed.

"Shame about the pirates," Posie said and then smirked. "NOT!"

I gave her a look. "Posie, there could be survivors and I think we should go see."

Amber tapped me on the shoulder and pointed towards the water.

"Ahhhhhh.... no survivors then.... too bad I always fancied making somebody walk the plank," I said taking in the multitude of sharks that had clustered offur the site of the sunken ship. "Sushi anyone? Then we'll have a big clean up and head back to shore in the morning."

*   *   *

Horice had seen the entire skirmish and stood thoughtfully pondering the possibilities.

"This changes everything," he murmured thoughtfully to no one in particular as he wandered sedately back into the jungle. 

"AND CUT!"

As each week passes there are still so many questions, such as:

OMC, mew had a mini frigate hiding within The Crimson Revenge, how the flip did mew get that?

What about the crew of The Filthy Pearl, are they really toast and chump?

Where on earth do mew get all these cool weapons, like seriously?

What's Horice's boggle?

That's two things blown up today, will there be a third?

How come the weapons were still operable after the Kraken nearly crushed the boat?

Are mew really having sushi fur dinner?

What are mew going back to that crazy island fur?

Can mew trust Horice?

And that weird Amsted dude, what's his story?

*    *    *

To find out what happens next, click the link below for the continuing tension and to see what on earth is going to happen next.

ARRRRRRRR ME HEARTIES

This be

Cap'n Basil & the Crew of The Crimson Revenge

Signing out until the next time... ARRRRRRR

Click here to go to Part IX 

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**TOP SECRET - CLASSIFIED B TEAM FILES RERUN** **2016 REVISITED** FAST, FURRY & DANGEROUS ~ REVENGE OF THE P.I.T.H ~ Part II

**TOP SECRET - DO NOT READ WITHOUT CLEARANCE** 

CLASSIFIED B TEAM FILES 

**2016 REVISITED** 

FAST, FURRY & DANGEROUS

The B Team are on a hazardous and deadly mission to save Mewton-Clawson, can they do it?

Pawesome greetings supurr pals

Welcome to Part II of our epically epic and rather explosive report ~ only available here, fur your eyes only in the CFR [Classified File Room], and if mew missed last weeks report, here's the link:

Report Part One 

Part II

Sticking it to the Bureau and a big surprise!

**And Action!**

"QUIET!" I yelled as my fur-sibs were all shouting at once.

No way! Not fair! That's garbage! Basil would neffur sign that! It's a fake! It's a travesty!

Basil mew aren't going back, are mew?  What will we do without mew? 

I was horrified to say the least when C.J. waved the contract in front of me. 

"What is all this nonsense?" I asked, my voice hardened to steel. 

"It's in your contract," C.J. answered rather sheepishly.

"What's all this Claws 10 fluff mew just mentioned?" I asked. "I do not, and I repeat I do not effur remember signing anything that would give the F.I.B. any power to reinstate me aftur my retirement!"

C.J. took a weary sigh. "Just before mew left, all agents signed a new contract and Claws 10 was the addendum to the existing contracts," he said. "Look here's your paw-print." He pointed to the back page.

"What's the date?" I asked.

C.J. looked at the back page before answering. "It says 25th October 2009."

"Give it to me," I said sharply. "And effurypurrdy clear out, I need a minute alone!"

The B Team trooped out into the corridor followed by C.J. and I hit the button to close the doors. I just couldn't believe this was happening, not now, not aftur all this time.

Hearing the uproar breaking out in the corridor as my team began to verbally roast C.J. did make me smile fur about sixteen seconds and then I turned my attention to the task at paw.

I took the contract and sat at the centre console with my magnifying glass and read the microscopic small print.

"Flipping flip, freaking flipping flip!" I spat angrily as I read the Claws 10, sub-section 89J, paragraph 15, line 7.

It said and I quote.

'Any former or retired agent can be reinstated at any time by the Field Investigation Bureau at their sole discretion.'

It was that simple. I stared at the back page at my paw-print signature and then at the date and cast my mind back trying to remember if I actually signed it or not, and to be honest I really couldn't remember.

Aftur several minutes of deliberation I opened the doors and called them all back in. 

Smooch cracked up laughing when he saw the metal bin and me holding a lit match to the contract.

It burst into flames a moment later and I said. "C.J. I'm not being pressed-ganged... not by mew or the F.I.B. and this is what I think to your Claws freaking 10 garbage!"

C.J nodded and said. "I thought mew'd say that."

The B Team whooped in delight as I stood my ground saying. "I understand your position as Primo Director C.J. but mew should know better than anypurrdy, if mew put a lever on me, a herd of wild horses won't make me do anything I don't want to do.

C.J. mopped his brow with a floppy red hanky and then blew his nose. "That's why I have a different kind of purrposal fur mew as my furst exercise didn't wurk," he said and then carefully surveyed the rest of the team with a keen appraising eye.

"I'm listening," I said flatly watching my fur-sibs expressions, knowing that they were all as nervous as a long-tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs.

"Agent Basil, mew were our top opurrative fur so long and no-one knows the job better than mew," C.J. began. "Plus mew were the only Agent to gain intimate knowledge of the rogue PITH Agents before their incarceration and survive, that in itself is a rare achievement."

I watched him thoughtfully as he took a deep breath and continued. "The F.I.B. needs mew to take down these rogue agents by any means necessary, if mew were to come back as an Agent then any fallout would be down to the F.I.B not mew purrsonally, but I understand if that's not what mew want."

I considered what C.J. said and replied. "Is there no one else to take those PITH-heads down?"

"No, not with your expertise and skills," C.J. answered. "I'd just be sending Agents on a suicide mission."

I knew he was right, agents today just didn't have the same 'grit' as us old-school hard-cases.

I stared at my fur-sibs, Smooch was grinning like the Cheshire cat that got all the cream, the catnip and the mouse mousse, I could see a hundred scenarios zooming through his mind as he thought about getting into the FRAY!  'Oh, Goddess Bast have mercy on my soul fur this!' I thought.

"C.J. I'll do this one job fur mew," I said resolutely knowing that if I didn't we were all doomed anyway. "But there are several conditions or claws's."

"OK," C.J. answered carefully, removing a notepad and a fountain pen from his briefcase.

"Furst, there is no I, we are a team..."

Smooch whooped and high-fived the entire team before saying. "Yeah we're a team, mister fibber primo boss cat!" he laughed.

I gave Smooch a 'that was a little too much dude,' look before I continued. "C.J. the F.I.B. can hire us all, aka The B-Team as independent contractors or clean-up facilitators to rectify your purroblem but with the F.I.B. taking all responsibility fur any fallout, casualties, property damage and the like," I saw the look on C.J.'s face as he paled. "This is not a negotiation C.J. it's a take it or leave it offur!"

C.J. scribbled frantically on his official F.I.B. notepad before saying, "Continue."

"The F.I.B. will provide all the latest tech to be at our disposal immediately and also provide any assistance, vehicles, aircraft or other items that we may require to bring the PITH-heads in, including any specialized tech and weapons that are not common knowledge to the wurld at large, plus the use of any prototype gadgets or gizmo's that could assist us, agreed?"

C.J. chewed his bottom lip thoughtfully, paling further as he scribbled, and I added. "Mew will pay our fee fifty purrcent up-front and the remainder of the balance upon completion within twenty-four hours of receiving our invoice, and any bounty bonus's fur bringing in the PITH alive, agreed?"

I was watching C.J. intently as he chewed the end of his pen thoughtfully and upon hearing this invoice claws he nearly choked on it.  Parsley gave him a firm slap on the back and the pen flew across the room.  Amber picked it up and threw it like a dart, and it landed nib furst in the centre of his notepad, quivering slightly.

"Impurressive!" he murmured and began to scribble his notes again.

"C.J. do we have a deal?" I asked wundering if I'd asked fur too much and then thought, nah, mew can neffur ask fur enough from a government agency.  Then I thought, did I miss something, or is there anything else that I should have added, so I said. "I also want an addendum that if I want to add more to the contract howeffur bizarre it may seem to mew, I can and there will be no penalties fur this."

I knew I was pushing it, but I also knew that C.J. had nowhere else to go other than me.

He took off his flat cap, exhaled loudly and mopped his brow with a blue hanky this time, wiped his paws and re-read his notes.  Aftur a few minutes of silence he addressed us all.

"Basil and The B-Team I have considered your purrposal and terms plus calculated the risks, if mew will read and sign here," he proffered the notepad to me and tapped the bottom of the page. "We have a deal."

I took it and read each and effury wurd to make sure it was exactly as I had said and not a slippery F.I.B. version slash loose translation of my demands, meaning they could renege due to inappropriate phrasing or the like. 

Squirting some of the ink from the pen on my paw, I placed my paw-print on the paper, C.J. did the same and as it dried, he asked.  "Can I get a copy purrlease?" 

Snowie took the new official yet unofficial, make-do fur now contract and scanned a copy to our computer before printing one-off fur C.J. making sure the date and time were on each copy. Plus she took a photo of us together, both holding it just to be double sure, not that we're paranoid or anything.

"I will have to make an official one when I get back to the office, but this will suffice fur now," he said.

I nodded extending my paw, C.J. and I shook on it "Indeed, when do we start?"

At that moment the ambient lighting in the control room changed from its normal serene-blue to a rather disconcerting red glow and effurypurrdy exchanged rather anxious looks as this had neffur happened before.

The early warning air raid siren automatically blared out through the loudspeakers around the entire bunker.

[FYI we modelled the noise on this siren because if anything is going to get your attention it's this]

[Press play fur full effect!]

Our furiendly A.I. [artificial intelligence] system then spoke in her usual grating, metallic voice. "Mewton-Clawson is under attack, we have a missile incoming, evasive action is required immediately. Survival rate is less than five percent if evasive action is not taken within the next four minutes"

"Basil, what the flip is happening?" Humphrey asked.

"Snowie give me intel now, effurypurrdy on comms channel six, I repeat comms channel six. Amber, mew and Humphrey get down to level two and see what weapons we have fur taking out missiles," I said urgently, my cold and calculating cool taking offur automatically. "Smooch get up top now, Posie do your cloud thing and Parsley take C.J. get down to level eight, Horice will take care of him and then meet me and Smooch up top!"

Effurypurrdy scrambled like a well-oiled machine.

Amber and Humphrey launched through the drop chute in the wall, as it was the fastest route to all other levels.

Snowie said. "Basil the missile is two hundred and fifty clicks and counting."

"Keep me posted," I said. "Amber, what's the good news?"

The comms channel crackled and Amber replied. "We are on level two, the computer inventory show's we have an anti-missile gun, which fires armour-piercing 50 cal rounds and is modified fur shells too... Humphrey is in the forklift now!"

"We have less than four minutes to get it up top, armed and ready, get going... tick tock... tick tock!" I said.

"Copy that," Humphrey and Amber said in unison.

"Snowie, stats now."

"Missile is at 200 clicks and closing," she answered. "The drone has been deployed...  mega-zoom activated... on screen in five, four, three, two, one... we have a visual."

I looked at the screen and was horrified to see a missile of unknown origin blazing its way toward us.  I gulped and said. "Amber, Humphrey give me news, stat!"

"The weapon is headed up top on the freight elevator, thirty seconds till garden breach, I repeat thirty seconds till garden breach!" Humphrey answered.

"Smooch, are mew ready fur weapon delivery?"

Smooch answered immediately. "Copy that... ready fur delivery, bunker doors are open!"

"I'm on my way!" I said racing towards the secret entrance behind the summer house.

 I emerged into the garden just as the huge anti-missile gun and shells appeared on the shiny steel platform.

Snowie's voice sounded. "Missile is at one hundred clicks and closing... I repeat one hundred clicks and closing."

I loaded up four shells and said. "Snowie coordinates now... ready Smooch?"

He nodded as Snowie said. "Southwest of your location."

I zeroed in and could see the blazing fire trail hurtling through the sky towards us and screamed, "Smooch on my twelve, fire now, I repeat fire now!"

"Copy that Basil!" Smooch answered as a manic grin engulfed his face and he pivoted the gun around on its axis. "Target acquired, firing now!"  

I heard the trigger click and braced myself.

** And Cut **

It's that time of the post again, when we bet mew've more questions than mew can shake your tail at!

Such as:

OMC How could mew leave us hanging like that and we've got a whole day to wait?!!

But seriously dudes, this no joke, what's going to happen if mew don't stop that missile?

Nice wurk getting C.J. to agree to all your terms, we're mew also a lawyer?

It seems like the PITH-heads have no rules of engagement, how will mew deal with that?

Will Horice really be ok with C.J. invading his private oasis without prior invitation?

What does Posie do in the cloud?

Can we get an air raid siren installed at our house?

etc...

We're sure mew purrobably have many more but to be honest we can't think of any right now as we're under attack... eeeeeek!

Many thanks fur joining us fur our epic re-run of

FAST, FURRY & DANGEROUS

Don't furget to sneak back into the CLASSIFIED FILE ROOM next week fur Part III

Until then

DON'T GO OUT OF THE GARDEN!!!

Epic purrs

Commander Basil 

& 

Click here to go to the next report in Episode 3 

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