The Extraordinary Voyages of Cap'n Basil Blackheart and his Motley Crew
The Crimson Revenge
"Cap'n Basil, we be 'aving a problem," he said rather worriedly. "They be a deadly hoard o' ravenous, pygmy cannibal tor-tye, we should be skedaddling smartly before they get o'er here 'o they'll be picking our bones clean in no time!"
I stared in utter amazement at the army of green armoured shells, painted in brightly coloured yellow, blue and white pigment closing the gap between us in eye-watering slowness and burst out laughing.
"Horice, ye be jesting me, pulling me rigging aye?"
Horice shook his head solemnly. "Nay Cap'n Basil, they be the most devious, menacing little blighter's, savvy?"
I shook my head.
"They do thee approaching real slow like, lulling ye into a false security, then at thee last few yards while ye be laughing ye boots off at thee absurdity of it, thee charge at speed ye'll no'er see coming and before ye know it, ye'll be trussed up tighter than a wench in a bodice at thee Inn of Ill Repute and be on ye way to thee pot for o'boilin'!"
I tipped me hat back, and scratched me, sorry, my head in sheer perplexment as I carefully monitored the progress of the advancing hoard. I wandered to my sword and pulled it free of the sand and turned to face Horice.
"What do ye suggest to solve this puzzling predicament... arrrrrrr? I asked.
Horice glanced over his shoulder again, trumpeted really loudly and screamed, "RUN YE SCALLYWAGS... RUN!"
At the precise moment the shelled army began to speed up.
Horice was stomping, almost leaping in acute agitation at their relentless approach. "Cap'n Basil, what be ye plan?" he asked in nervous anxiety.
I turned to the Heffle-lump and said. "Arrrrrr me giant pal, it be down to me and thee to be dealing with these ravenous beasties, what say ye... arrrrr?" I waved my cutlass in the air enthusiastically and then towards the ever-nearing tor-tye.
"Do ye mind if I get on ye back Horice?" I asked politely.
"Aye, Cap'n Basil, that be the best vantage point," Horice conceded as the ferocious tor-tye began to gain momentum. "What be ye plan?"
I had just scrambled up onto Horice's back and was just about to answer with my rather sketchy plan of let's just wing it, when the tor-tye hit their moderate-speed boost button and surged forward.
It was at that precise moment I heard the shocking, spine-tingling and completely gut-wrenching screams. I spun around so quickly to follow the heinous sounds that I nearly fell off Horice, and that's when I saw what was causing the insane pandemonium.
Smooch had almost, nearly reached the row boat, which now seemed much further out than I furst thought, but that wasn't the purroblem. The purroblem was there were several great big evil, monstrous sharks circling him.
I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw a dolphin had him balanced on its nose and was swimming towards the boat at a rapid rate, Parsley held out his oar fur Smooch to grab, when more dolphins suddenly leapt from the gentle waves and began to attack the sharks driving them away as Parsley and Snowie hauled Smooch aboard the small boat.
I could have cried, really, truly honestly wept with relief at the sight of him safely in the boat. It was then I realised I'd been holding my breath and I let out a huge sigh and then gulped several big breaths in to calm my severely frazzled, fried, baked and really toasted nerves.
Horice shifted beneath me and his trunk gently nudged my side. "Cap'n Basil, me good matey's heard me call, don't ye worry about thee little one."
"What... what Horice?" I gasped, hearing the wurds but not quite understanding the meaning.
"I sent me fishy friends, thee dolphins a message Cap'n Basil, luckily they were near and came to the rescue!"
"But how?" I asked.
"Oh Cap'n Basil," he almost chuckled. "I 'av many special gifts and talking telepathically with me matey's is one of 'em!"
I was dumbfound and speechless at his explanation. "Thank ye most kindly Horice!" I said with such gratitude. "I don't know what I would 'av done if..."
"Don't be worrying ye-self about such things," Horice replied softly. "It be good to 'elp me new matey's, but now we 'av to deal with evil, little blighters that be nearly upon us and in all me years I 'av never seen anyone escape them!"
His huge body shifted and we turned to face the oncoming tor-tye, who were only 15 yards from us and by the looks of things, were revving up fur the final charge. All of a sudden the most wild and bizarre plan I'd effur come up with exploded in my mind. I leant in close and whispered in Horices ear.
"Cap'n Basil that be the darn'dest plan that ever befell on me ears!" Horice said wryly. "There be no guarantees yet we 'av nowt to lose!"
In less time than it took to say; 'walk the plank mew scurvy dog!' or 'Keelhaul the blaggard!' the huge sapphire on Horice's forehead began to glow again, pulsing faster and faster, glowing more brightly by the second.
Shouting erupted again from behind us and glancing offur my shoulder I took in the scene. The pod of dolphins were rapidly herding the sharks towards the beach at such a speed it was incredible. The sharks had nowhere to go and at the last minute they launched out of the water, sailing though the air towards the beach.
Moments later they landed beached on the shore, midway between us and the cannibal horde. The tor-tye all at once, surged forward at nitrous speed and completely offurwhelmed the thrashing, snapping sharks, and within mere moments the sharks had been trussed up tighter than a turkey dinner on Catmas Day. The army of tor-tye then satisfied with their latest menu option, turned and began the slow journey back towards their camp, transporting the writhing, giant-sushi on their backs, and to be honest it brought a whole new meaning to a 'platter o' fish'.
"Well I'll be damned!" Horice exclaimed.
"Let's hope that feast keeps 'em occupied o'while," I said with acute alleviation.
"Aye, that should assuage thee blood-thirsty beasties," Horice agreed relaxing. "That was a mightily cunning plan Cap'n Basil, arrrrrrr!"
"I couldn't 'av done without ye and ye seafaring matey's," I said rather emotionally. "Ye be the bestest fur sure, thank ye again."
Horice shifted awkwardly beneath me as he cleared his throat, and I felt he was a little embarrassed, but good deeds deserved praise and thanks, and I was so thankful Smooch had been saved from the jaws of death, quite literally. Turning I glanced towards the row boat, and saw Smooch waving, albeit a little limply but neffurtheless waving at me and I gave him my bestest salute, my heart squeezed in all the right places and I smiled widely.
A short while later, after all that excitement and I'd finally settled my acutely crisped nerves with several swigs of some mighty potent nip rum, I decided to check on the tor-tye army. Pulling out my telescope I zoomed in on their camp down the beach, and was surprised to see they'd made it back in good time, the pot was bubbling at full speed with huge flames licking up the sides and to my complete amazement I could see that sharks fin soup was already cooking, 'Tasty!' I thought but definitely not wurth the risk.
"Horice?" I asked suddenly.
"Arrrrrrr Cap'n Basil?"
"What year be this?"
Horice thought about it fur a moment and then he replied. "It be the year 1683 and a bit if me calculations be right, why ye ask?"
I let this new information sink in before I answered. "Arrrrrrr... that be a fine year!" was all I could say while my inner turmoil began to erupt again.
Jumping jeepers I was right, we'd travelled back in time through the whirlpool, how the flip were we effur going to get back now?
The Tabbies of Trout Towne asked us last week; What the fishing was like?
Our answer is, mostly furry deadly ~ Our hearty recommendation is DON'T DO IT
Also Flynn asked about the orb in episode 2
Sorry we still have nothing to report on that as of yet, maybe in the next episode we'll have more info to impart.
Kitties Blue wanted to know; If they were teenage tortoises, and possibly mutant?
Hmmmm, we're not sure about the age of them but they're definitely MUTANTS
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Signing out until the next time... ARRRRRRR