Welcome to
Featuring a rerun of our bonkers time-travelling pirate adventure
The Extraordinary Voyages of Cap'n Basil Blackheart and his Motley Crew
aboard
The Crimson Revenge
Arrrrrr and greetings, wunderpurr pals
Welcome to the 8th episode of our fabulous new adventure, and just in case mew missed anything, here are the links for the last 7 epically epic episodes:
A quick recap from the last episode:
"Jumping juniper berries!" Snowie burst out. "What the flip is happening?"
"Horice, is there any way mew could toss me to the ship, from here?" I asked urgently.
The heffle-lump thought for a spell. "Aye, Cap'n Basil, if I hold ye in me trunk and get a lash on, I think I could possibly get ye the distance ye require."
"Make it so big, guy!" I said. "I need to be on that ship, mew guys get the rowboat and meet me there pronto."
Grasping Horice by the trunk, I gripped on tightly with both paws.
"Are ye ready, Cap'n Basil?" he asked.
"Aye, that I am."
He lifted me up and then began to spin his trunk like a propeller, faster and faster and faster.
I was barely holding on when Horice yelled. "Now!"
I let go and was jettisoned at almost warp speed towards the ship.
As I flew, I saw Parsley, Snowie and Smooch running along the soft, sandy shore towards the moored rowboat with Horice hot on their heels.
I whipped my sword out and held it in front of me as I soared through the air like a bird on a purrfect trajectory towards The Crimson Revenge.
Just as I had almost reached my crew, a tremendous thundering boom resounded around the bay, I barrel rolled to pinpoint the source, and when I did locate it my heart sank, the Kraken was small fry compared to what was coming next.
"AND CUT!"
So hold ye fast, mateys, as we're in for another wild ride today.
Aharr
Part VIII
A Blast in the Past
"And Action!"
The Kraken sank beneath the waves in a massive plume of billowing steam as the raging fire was extinguished.
Landing on the deck with a bump and rolling most agilely to my paws, I pulled out my telescope and scanned the seas.
"Crew," I yelled. "Great to be back, thanks very muchly for blowing up the Kraken and saving the ship, but I'm afraid we've got another problem now."
Amber let out a weary sigh. "Please, can't we just take five?"
I shook my head as another boom resounded around the bay. Handing her the telescope, she spied in the direction I pointed.
"Oh, for fluffs' sake," she cried in dismay. "Can't a girl just have a nap?"
"What is it?" Humphrey asked, taking the spyglass from her. He paused for a second and then added. "This is not good, and after all the damage we've sustained, we're like a sitting duck on a millpond."
Posie was next to observe. "Oh, this is bad, bad, bad. And we've only just gotten rid of the last crisis."
I took the spyglass back and looked again.
"There's good news and bad news," I said solemnly. "Which do mew want first?"
"Defo the bad," my crew answered in unison.
"This is the historical data I do know as fact," I began. "The ship fast approaching us is called The Filthy Pearl, she has 20 cannons on each side and more crew than mew could count on Smooch's 3 paws times three and then some. The capitan's name was or is Fur-Raveneau, and he was or is a total psycho, lunatic pirate."
I paused to take a breath. "Also, that ship was the fastest ship of its time, and by all accounts sank everything it chased down. In 1683, Fur-Raveneau was the most feared pirate of all time, and the most cut-throat too. There are other things, really rather horrible and most unpleasant, but I don't think mew guys need to hear them right now ... so that's the bad news."
"And what's the good news?" Posie gulped as another boom sounded, and moments later, there was a rather large splash just off the starboard bow.
"We have 21st-century tech on board," I gave them an uber-toothy grin, which, if I'm honest, was really, quite smirkingly evil. "What mew guys don't know is that under the fragile wooden shell of The Crimson Revenge lies the hull of a 21st-century warship, armed to the teeth, me hearties! AHAAAAAR!"
I laughed out loud as excitement trickled through my veins, like an adrenaline shot of liquid catnip at the thought of a sea skirmish with one of the most notorious pirates of the era. My crew gave me a series of rather puzzled looks.
"Arrrrrrrrrrr me scurvy crew, we be 'aving a little taste o' battle," I said, releasing my inner pirate. "Now get thee to ye battle stations and let's be 'aving a blast in the past."
Seconds later, Smooch hauled himself onto the deck, followed by Parsley and Snowie.
Humphrey sidled up to them, took a swig of nip rum and then offered the bottle around.
"Mew'll be needing this in a minute," he said, with a nod towards the incoming ship.
"What, are mew serious?" Snowie asked after Humphrey explained the situation. "We've been sailing a frigging warship, and now we've got a bunch of hardcore pirates firing cannons at us, and Basil is laughing about it?"
Humphrey nodded and gulped a bit more nip rum.
"Wow," Smooch breathed. "This is exactly what I signed up for."
Parsley nodded in agreement, and the pair pootled over the smashed deck towards the stern.
"Basil! Basil! Basil!" Smooch yelled.
I peeked around the doorway from out of the cabin. "Smooch, we've got..." I began.
"We know," Smooch answered. "Parsley and I are very excited. What can we do? Who can we blow up first?"
"Well," I replied, my grin more manic than a fat cat in a catnip factory. "We'll be 'aving a little fun, me hearties."
I whipped out the blueprints of The Crimson Revenge and unrolled them on the vast, carved desk, placing some 18th-century navigational tools at the corners to keep them unfurled; then I showed the ship's inner core to Smooch and Parsley.
They pored over the documents for a whole two minutes and grinned at me like they were quality control officers in a catnip factory. It warmed my heart to see them so excited.
"Me likey a lot," Parsley breathed in awe.
"Me too," Smooch said excitedly. "I want the M249 SAW machine gun!"
Humphrey, Snowie, Amber and Posie had joined us and were quietly surveying the blueprints. After a few moments, they joined the maniacally grinning brigade when they realised that we were more dangerous than Ernie Schwarzafluffer in The Purrminator One, Two and Three combined.
Humphrey looked at me, his eyes glinting more mischievously than I'd seen in a long time.
"I baggsey the torpedos," he said, smirking.
"That's so not fair," Posie interjected. "Mew got to play in the tank against Baron Von Booney... I want the torpedos."
Amber interrupted. "Yes, Posie and I are having the torpedoes, mew can take the other M249."
I stared at my crew and shook my head; who'd have thought they'd be squabbling over weapons like they were fighting over a catnip mouse at a time like this.
"Look," I said tersely as another boom resounded from The Filthy Pearl. "Humphrey mew and Parsley take the mortar gun and rain a barrage of merry hell," I turned to Smooch. "Mew take the M249 SAW machine gun and fire in small controlled bursts ..."
Smooch was smirking like a cat who'd just inherited the catnip factory.
"Smooch, small controlled bursts only," I reiterated more sternly. "And shoot at anything that's headed our way."
Amber and Posie were getting antsy. "Where's the torpedo room?" Amber asked.
"There's a secret panel in there," I pointed to the cabin behind me. "It's behind the bookcase, just pull the novel, Moby Dick and it'll open, go down the fireman's pole, and mew'll be directly in the war room, everything can be operated from there."
Before I could even blink, my crew had skedaddled, and I was left alone with Snowie, so I yelled.
"BATTLE STATIONS ME HEARTIES, AND LET THE SEA SKIRMISH BEGIN
... ARRRRRRRRRRR!"
I pushed a remote-controlled device, and the secret weaponry hidden within The Crimson Revenge was revealed from behind sliding panels in less time than it took to say, 'I'll have a niptini, shaken not stirred with a sprig of catnip on the side.' The sun glinted off the dull gun-grey metal panels as they locked into place with resounding clanks.
I took a long, slow inhalation of the salty, sea air mixed with the gunpowder aroma and smoke wafting our way from The Filthy Pearl; it warmed my cockles, to say the least, as I glanced around the deck and saw that Humphrey was seated behind the mortar gun and Parsley was loading the shells. They both had big orange ear-defenders, aka ear-muffs, on as that gun was supurr loud.
Smooch was in position on the next deck up; he'd put on the yellow ear muffs over his bandana and was standing on a metal platform with the belt-fed machine gun aimed and ready.
I spoke into the small remote device. "Amber, are mew ready?"
"Arrrrrrrr Captain, we be ready," came her answer from deep within the ship below.
I handed Snowie a set of ear-muffs, as I pulled mine on and placed my tricorn hat over the top, and seeing that we were battle-ready, I yelled. "CREW FIRE!"
Humphrey pulled the trigger on the mortar gun. The sound was deafening.
BOOM ... BOOM ... BOOM ... BOOM ... BOOM ... BOOM ... BOOM ... BOOM ... BOOM ... BOOM ...
"RELOAD PARSLEY!" Humphrey shouted.
Canons sounded from The Filthy Pearl, and I saw four flaming cannonballs heading straight for us. Though ten mortar shells were heading on a direct collision course with them.
"SMOOCH, FIRE AT THE FLAMING BALLS!" I shouted.
Instantly, Smooch let the machine gun rip; ratatatat ... ratatatat ... ratatatat ... ratatatat ... the spent shells hit the metal foot-plate with a tinkling sound and piled up around his back paw.
Ratatatat ... ratatatat ... ratatatat ... ratatatat ... ratatatat ... ratatatat ... ratatatat ... ratatatat ... ratatatat ... ratatatat ... ratatatat ... ratatatat ...
He was whooping with sheer joy as the bullets headed towards the incoming missiles.
I yelled into the remote device. "Torpedo's ready ... FIRE!"
"Arrrrrrrr Captain!" Posie answered. "Torpedos away!"
The canon balls exploded mid-arc as Smooch kept his paw on the trigger, a rain of bullets hurtling through the air; ratatatat ... ratatatat ... ratatatat ... ratatatat ... ratatatat ... ratatatat ... ratatatat ... ratatatat ... ratatatat ... ratatatat ... ratatatat ... ratatatat ...
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!
Humphrey started firing again.
BOOM ... BOOM ... BOOM ... BOOM ... BOOM ... BOOM ... BOOM ... BOOM ... BOOM ... BOOM ...
Suddenly, there was an almighty CRASHING BOOM as The Filthy Pearl exploded; the gunpowder in its hold ignited.
Smoke billowed skywards as flames engulfed the ship.
Everybody stopped firing, and it seemed eerily quiet as we watched the pirate ship sink into the azure sea.
"Wow!" I said when the crew assembled on the deck a few minutes later. "That was purretty intense."
Smooch was glowing with pride. "I did it, Basil! I did it, Basil!" he beamed. "I blew those flaming balls into hell!"
"Mew did a great job, Private," I said. "Truly stellar, all of mew were epically pawesome."
Humphrey took off his earmuffs and gave me a quizzical look. "So how come we had to fend off the Kraken with hot sauce, when, if mew'd told us about the ship, we could have just bombed that muther-fluffer into the netherworld?"
I knew that this was coming.
"Humphrey, mew, Amber and Posie defeated the most feared sea monster of all time with nothing more than your sheer ingenuity and your lethal hot sauce," I answered. "Doesn't that make mew feel good, like really, really good?" I paused. "Mew didn't need any fancy weapons, no modern tech, and mew blew that freaker into oblivion and toasted its tentacled ass, mew are one serious, hardcore panfur, along with Amber and Posie, of course!!"
Humphrey thought about this for a moment, his taught expression cracked into a broad smile, and he cried out. "HOOAH!" And paw-bumped Parsley and Smooch.
"Besides, mew can't have a secret weapon if it's not a secret, can mew?"
The crew all laughed.
"Shame about the pirates," Posie said, and then smirked. "NOT!"
I gave her a look. "Posie, there could be survivors, and I think we should go see."
Amber tapped me on the shoulder and pointed towards the water.
"Ahhhhhh ... no survivors then ... too bad I always fancied making somebody walk the plank," I said, taking in the multitude of sharks that had clustered over the site of the sunken ship. "Sushi, anyone? Then we'll have a big clean-up and head back to shore in the morning."
* * *
Horice had seen the entire skirmish and stood thoughtfully pondering the possibilities.
"This changes everything," he murmured thoughtfully to no one in particular as he wandered sedately back into the jungle.
"AND CUT!"
As each episode passes, there are still so many questions, such as:
OMC, mew had a mini frigate hiding within The Crimson Revenge, how the fluff did mew get that?
What about the crew of The Filthy Pearl, are they really toast and chump?
Where on earth do mew get all these cool weapons, like seriously?
What's Horice's boggle?
That's two things blown up today. Will there be a third?
How come the weapons were still operable after the Kraken nearly crushed the boat?
Are mew really having sushi for dinner?
What are mew going back to that crazy island for?
Can mew trust Horice?
And that weird Amsted dude, what's his story?
Hearty purrs!
If mew want to keep reading this epically exciting adventure, we'll be back on Monday with Part 9. Until then...
Cap'n Basil & the Crew of The Crimson Revenge
Click here to go to Part IX - link coming later.
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