**HELP! MY HOOMAN WON'T STOP TAKING PHOTOS OF ME!** Today's Despurrate Dilemma on **CATS HAVE PROBLEMS TOO!** with Dr Basil P.H.D. (Purring hard for Dreamies)

Dr Basil’s Cats Have Purroblems Too ~ a humorous feline advice column solving despurrate kitty dilemmas.

Happy Monday, furry floofers

It's been a while!!! MOL

Welcome to another episode of Cats Have Purroblems Too, where I give epically epic advice to cats with despurrate dilemmas too great for them to solve alone. 

Also, mew may be pondering on what my professional credentials are, so purrlease purruse the list below:

Ph.D. in Kitty Psychology & Psychiatry

BSc (Hons) Headology  

Psy.D. Furry Logic

 MS. Fuzzy Logic

MA. Common Sense

My other Professional Credits include:

NOM Master
Snoozy Savant
Purr Master

AdvoCat of T.L. Treatment
Touchy Feely Therapy or T.F.T
Purrfume Aroma Treatment or P.A.T.

I can help mew to solve all your Pet Peeves, Purrsonal Problems and Despurrate Dilemmas, no matter how great or small they may be.

Plus, I only use the very latest techniques, some of which I have developed myself over my long and esteemed career, which include:

 Purr Therapy ~ For Uptight and Particularly Stressed Kitties 

Nom Zen ~The Art of Nomming in Total Tranquillity 

ZZZ's Snooze Sensation ~ Including Mewsical CatNap Sessions tailored to your purrsonal requirements

YogiCat Meditation ~ Stretches and Breathing Techniques for the Severely Stressed & Overworked

Intense CatNip Therapy ~ This treatment speaks for itself (I find it very beneficial)

I am also an AdvoCat of Tough Love, coupled with a healthy dose of common kitty sense

Purrfume Aroma Treatment ~ A Sensory Smelling Session S.S.S. to calm and soothe with highly aromatic blends of specially selected scents

To help mew release all your stresses and worries, just drop by my clinic held here or, alternatively, email me your purroblem, and I'll answer here. If mew require to remain anonymous or anon, purrlease include that in your email. 

Mew can contact me directly at the following address:

DearDrBasil (at) gmail (dot) com

So come and sit on my supurr comfy couch, reee-lax, breathe deeply and tell me of your troubles, as I'm ready, willing and able to help.

This is one of my recent cases via email:   

HELP! MY HOOMAN WON'T STOP TAKING PHOTOS OF ME!

Dear Dr Basil,

I hope mew can help because I am reaching the end of my whiskers.

My hooman used to be quite sensible. They fed me on time, admired my floofy magnificence from a respectful distance, and generally understood that I was the ruler of the house.

Then they acquired something called a "smartphone."

Now I cannot enjoy a single nap without hearing, "Awwww, look how cute you are!"

Click.

Stretch one paw?

Click.

Big yawn?

Click click click.

Trying to wash my tail in private?

CLICK!

Dr Basil, I haven't had a dignified bath in weeks. Every meal, every snooze and every biscuit-making session is interrupted by this strange rectangular object appearing in my face.

Last Tuesday, they even balanced a tiny hat on my head "just for one picture."

I ask mew... where does it end?

How do I politely explain that I am a majestic feline, not a full-time cat-lebrity?

Yours in exhausted exaspurration,

Sir Whiskerton of Sofa Kingdom

This is my Expert Reply

Today, I have selected the colour GOLD, the noble colour of dignity, wisdom and exceptionally handsome cats. It also reminds hoomans that we are priceless works of art... although some of us would accept payment in Dreamies.

Dear Sir Whiskerton,

Firstly, allow me to reassure mew that mew are not alone.

Thousands ... possibly millions ...of cats across the globe are currently enduring the Great Photograph Epidemic, aka G.P.E.!

Hoomans simply cannot help themselves.

They see one tiny toe bean.

Click.

One little blep.

Click click.

One particularly fluffy tummy.

Three hundred and seventy-eight photos later, they're still saying, "Just one more!"

While we cannot completely cure hoomans of this curious condition, there are several proven techniques which may help restore a little balance.

1. Master the Look

The slow blink is wonderful.

The Royal Glare is even better.

Simply stare directly into your hooman's soul with an expression that says,

"I know where mew sleep."

This often causes them to lower the camera for at least twelve seconds.

2. Employ Strategic Movement

The instant the camera appears, rotate exactly three degrees.

Not enough to leave the frame ... just enough to make every photograph slightly blurry.

Hoomans find this deeply frustrating.

Cats find it hilarious.

3. Charge a Treat Tax

No photograph shall be taken without suitable compensation.

One photo equals one crunchy treat.

Three photos require a tube of creamy cat treats.

A photoshoot involving costumes requires immediate payment in premium salmon or lashings of primo catnip! MOL

These are the rules.

I didn't make them.

Actually ... I did.

4. Schedule Official Photo Hours

Allow your hooman five glorious minutes each day to admire your magnificence.

Strike your finest poses.

Show off the whiskers.

Display the tail.

After that, office hours are officially closed, and all further photography requires written purrmission from the Management Department ... which is, of course ... mew.

5. Never Forget the Ultimate Secret Weapon

If all else fails...

Execute the Legendary Boneless Cat Manoeuvre.

The moment they attempt to pose mew, transform instantly into seventeen kilograms of warm spaghetti.

Hoomans have never developed a successful defence against this ancient feline technique.

Finally, Sir Whiskerton, remember this impawtant truth.

Hoomans don't take hundreds of photographs because they wish to annoy us.

They do it because they love us more than words can say and never tire of telling the world just how magnificent we are.

It is, admittedly, a rather inconvenient way of showing affection ... but we shall graciously tolerate it.

For treats.

Yours most sincerely,

Dr Basil

The Cats Have Purroblems Too Clinic™

Today's Top Tip is:

~ Never Underestimate the Power of Looking Mildly Disappointed ... Hoomans Will Apologise for Almost Anything ~

 

If mew can relate to this purroblem or feel that mew are in need of any assistance, purrlease leave a comment to: Dear Dr Basil.... or email me directly and I'll get back to mew.

Thank mew all for joining me today at The Cats Have Purroblems Too Clinic, and join me next time when we tackle a case involving a laser pointer, a betrayal, and a very confused hamster.

Remember, my door is always open, unless I’m napping, in which case, purrlease knock softly.

Until then, Keep Calm and Purr on

Dr Basil

Ph.D. ~ BSc. (Hons) ~ Psy.D. ~ MS ~ MA

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