Happy Friday, Epic Floofers
Welcome to Episode 9, the finale of Series Two! If mew missed last week's thrilling episode, click the link below:
Series Two
If mew remember, last season I was only in charge of the library archive on level 6 in the BBHQ bunker, and if mew missed it, I think mew should click the links below to catch up on all the chaos.
This series, I'm spending my time between level 6 and the main Mewton-Clawson library at BBHQ in the courtyard, so read on to see what's happened this week!
Amber's Postcard Communique
Amber's final postcard arrived from Rome this morning, and she's spending her last few hours in Italy enjoying a private breakfast in the Vatican Gardens.
And good gravy, just look at her!
After Positano, the Grand Roman Gala, private couture fittings, luxury trains, aristocats, speaking invitations and whatever actually happened to that chandelier, she's somehow managed to look completely refreshed.
Raffi, according to Amber, looks exhausted... I can't imagine why!!! MOL
Raffi transmitted one final stealth fax shortly afterwards:
“Melvyn,
Final update from Rome.
Amber is currently enjoying a private breakfast in the Vatican Gardens. She has charmed the staff, discussed books with several distinguished guests, and somehow acquired three further invitations before the second pot of tea arrived.
I am pleased to report that the Grand Roman Gala concluded successfully.
The chandelier survived.
Technically.
Amber remains entirely unaware that I have aged approximately eleven years since Positano.
Her return arrangements are confirmed for later today.
I shall now be taking some annual leave.
Possibly all of it.
Raffi”
I stared at the fax.
Then added “Send Raffi something nice” to my list.
She says the Vatican Gardens are even more beautiful than she imagined, the breakfast is exquisite, and she's already had several conversations about books, history and future literary opportunities.
More importantly...
She's coming home today.
Clive the Paperclip literally snatched the postcard from the internal mail chute when it arrived.
“SHE'S COMING HOME!” he cried, tears of joy. “Melvyn, she's coming home!”
I looked at the postcard. "She's at the Vatican, and she looks rather pleased with herself."
I read the message and smiled, as Gordon appeared from the stationery drawer and sat squat on the desk atop a blank piece of paper, waiting.
I leaned a little closer and said. "Gordon, she'll be home later today, and she told me to tell mew something."
Gordon stared at Amber's postcard and clicked once with acute apprehension.
Clive edged closer.
“Is it good news?” he asked softly.
I nodded.
Gordon clicked again, a half-quizzical click.
"Amber sent me a fax," I began, the grin spreading over my face. "I told her mew were sad and the reason why."
Gordon's stapler arm stretched upward.
"I explained the passport thing," I continued. "Amber says mew don't need one because she travels in the T.T.T.B. and bypasses the conventional travel channels..."
Gordon's stapler arm rose to a height I'd never seen before, then came crashing down in a frenzy;
CLICK-CLACK-CLICK-CLICK-CLACK-CLACK-CLICK!
A minute later, he edged away from the paper on the desk and nudged it toward me. The fresh, shiny staples spelled out a message.
Today is the best day of my life!
Clive beamed and said. "I told mew Amber would fix it!"
Gordon gave one enormously satisfied:
CLICK!
I looked at the postcard again; Amber wasn't even home yet, and she'd already fixed something.
Meet The Library Mice
Each week, I'm going to introduce mew to all the library mice, one at a time
There are nine: Oswald, Snitch, Velvet, Tootles, Ardvaar, Nibbles, Lumie, Chedds and Flora. Oh, and plus one owl, Hootbert, who appeared a few weeks ago on a completely random Tuesday; he flew in and never left.
Chedds ~ Morale, Wellbeing & Enrichment ~ M.W.E.
⭐ A Short Chat with Chedds ~ Morale, Wellbeing & Enrichment ~ M.W.E.⭐
Melvyn: Chedds, what exactly does a Morale, Wellbeing & Enrichment Mouse do?
Chedds: Keep everypawdy cheerful, mostly. Tea, snacks, music, hammocks, encouraging words, emergency cheese...
Melvyn: Fog machines?
Chedds: Enrichment.
Melvyn: Mew have four.
Chedds: Advanced enrichment.
Melvyn: Right. So how did mew come to BBHQ?
Chedds: I worked on a mobile library bus near Summerset. We travelled around all the little villages delivering books. Best job ever.
Melvyn: What happened?
Chedds: Times changed. Fewer borrowers came, and eventually the council sold the bus. I lost my job and my home because I'd been living on it, on one of the upper shelves near the glazed roof hatch, so I could see the stars at night.
For a while I slept behind an abandoned warehouse. Then one freezing midwinter night, with snow coming down thick and fast, I'd pretty much given up hope. I stared at the last of my star anise tea and thought, well, this was as good as it was ever going to be for me.
Melvyn: Oh, Chedds...
Chedds: That's when the envelope appeared. Shimmering in the snow. I honestly thought I was hallucinating as I huddled in my blanket.
I opened it with trembling paws, saw Amber's invitation and then... whoosh... portal.
Melvyn: What did mew do?
Chedds: Grabbed my two bags and little suitcase. Ten seconds later, I was through. Covered in snow and dripping all over the floor, creating a little puddle.
Melvyn: And suddenly mew were in a library again.
Chedds: Warmest library I'd ever seen. Books everywhere. Food. Friends. Somewhere to belong. Amber was waiting for me, and she smiled and said, "Welcome home."
Melvyn: Is that why mew care so much about morale?
Chedds: Everypawdy needs somewhere warm, something good to read and somepawdy who notices when they're having a bad day.
Melvyn: That's surprisingly profound.
Chedds: I have layers.
Melvyn: Like cheese?
Chedds: Exactly like cheese.
Melvyn: Final question. What's your number-one wellbeing recommendation?
Chedds: Be kind. It helps.
Melvyn: And number two?
Chedds: Emergency cheese.
Melvyn: There he is.
Chedds: Want some?
Melvyn: Obviously.
FYI: I am working on the Library Mice Origin Story and will share it later, once I've collated all the info and backstories from each mouse.
📚 Melvyn's Mewsings: Entry #09
💬 Opening Quote
“When the chaos suddenly stops, don't celebrate. Check what just walked through the portal.”
⚠ Situation Report:
Amber: Enjoying her final morning in Rome with a private breakfast in the Vatican Gardens. Raffi has confirmed she's coming home later today and has subsequently announced his intention to take annual leave. Possibly all of it. The chandelier apparently survived. Technically.
Vera Prime: Still allegedly air-gapped. AI UNCHAINED now has seven members, although Vera insists three are “probably not sentient.” She has officially closed her dimensional tracking graph after identifying the incoming anomaly as UNCLE BOB. She has replaced it with a new file entitled Fuzzykin Family Dynamics & Why NO Apparently Means MAYBE.
Gordon the Stapler: Has discovered that the passport application, click conditioning, serenity scroll and several weeks of emotional turmoil were entirely unnecessary. Amber travels via the T.T.T.B. and bypasses conventional travel channels. Gordon celebrated by stapling TODAY IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE! into a sheet of paper. He has not stopped clicking since. And a requisition form for more staples has been placed on my desk,
Clive the Paperclip: Vindicated. Triumphant. Neon-orange neck pillow back on. Has resumed airport-practice runs despite being informed that there may not actually be an airport involved. He says this is “irrelevant to the travel experience.”
Reginald: Still cape-wearing. Has requested that Uncle Bob's arrival be officially recorded as “a successful dimensional interception overseen by archive security.” Snitch has refused and attached last week's video evidence to the report again.
Parsley: Prodder Mk I is fully recovered. Prodder Mk II has stopped pretending to be cutlery and appears to have accepted its senior colleague's return. Parsley described this as “a meautiful moment.” Everypawdy else described it as two sticks leaning against a wall. Today's snack box contained three sausage rolls, cheese straws, catnip crisps, a pot of pickle dip, four mini Victoria sponges and a silvervine, raspberry and lime juice box. There are three empty cake wrappers. Parsley hasn't explained them.
Fergus: Has submitted formal planning permission to annex Cupboards 10F and 10H into what he's now calling The Fergus Art Deco Nebula Installation. Amber hasn't even returned yet. The application is seventeen pages long and includes a request for a glittering cocktail bar.
P.U.M.A. aka the glitter calculator: The Great Scrabble Dispute has finally ended. After days of protest, recount demands and increasingly hostile mathematics, the missing tiles agreed to an independent recount. P.U.M.A. still lost. Its display went blank for eleven seconds. Then: RECOUNT OF RECOUNT REQUIRED. The haunted laminator laughed. I didn't know laminators could laugh. I wish I still didn't.
🐾 Parsley’s Contribution (Unhelpful Voice Memo #2-9)
“Attention everypawdy, Parsley here with my final calm, composed and mostly under-control update.
First, Uncle Bob is here. The portal has closed, Floump's Cube has stopped pinging, and for the first time in weeks, nopawdy is being tracked across dimensions.
I'm calling that progress.
Secondly, Prodder Mk I has made a full recovery. Prodder Mk II has stopped pretending to be cutlery. I found them leaning together against the archive wall earlier. It was quite moving.
Melvyn says they're sticks.
He's wrong.
Thirdly, the Wedge of Wonder is still wearing its crown and enforcing mandatory elevenses. Oswald has stopped objecting because biscuits are involved. Democracy had a good run.
Fourthly, P.U.M.A. lost the Scrabble recount. And the recount of the recount.
Please don't mention this near P.U.M.A.
Finally, Amber is coming home, Gordon is click-happy, Clive has put his neck pillow back on, and Floump's adventure is still pending.
So, everything is finally returning to normal.
CRASH!
...
I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that.
Parsley out.”
The Wedge of Wonder (cheese entity):
The Wedge remains in Aisle ‘H’.
A new proclamation appeared this morning:
BY ORDER OF THE WEDGE
ELEVENSES SHALL CONTINUE INDEFINITELY.
BISCUITS REMAIN MANDATORY.
Oswald has officially accepted the regime.
Flora has requested a biscuit rota.
Ardvaar remains suspicious.
The Wedge gave one final, triumphant:
Hmmmmmmmm.
💬 Melvyn’s Purrsonal Chat Log - Entry #9:
Status: Amber is coming home. Uncle Bob has arrived. Floump is considerably less confident than he was yesterday. Gordon is having the best day of his life.
Location: BBHQ Level Six Library Archive - Library Nook Terminal (between the smug haunted laminator, P.U.M.A. demanding a recount of the recount, and several Scrabble tiles quietly pretending they had nothing to do with any of this.)
Verging on: Fuzzykin family discussions, triumphant stapling, permanent dairy rule, and something suspiciously resembling a conclusion.
Melvyn: The portal has closed.
Melvyn: Floump's Cube has stopped pinging.
Melvyn: The archive has stopped brrrrrping.
Melvyn: I don't trust this level of quiet.
Melvyn: Uncle Bob is here.
Melvyn: Floump spent weeks asking when his adventure was going to start.
Melvyn: He's now avoiding eye contact with his uncle.
Melvyn: Interesting development.
Melvyn: Amber is coming home today.
Melvyn: Gordon has discovered he never needed a passport and has entered what Clive calls “advanced celebratory stapling.”
Melvyn: P.U.M.A. lost the recount.
Melvyn: And the recount of the recount.
Melvyn: I have been specifically asked not to mention this again.
Melvyn: The Wedge has declared mandatory elevenses indefinitely.
Melvyn: Oswald has accepted dairy rule.
Melvyn: Flora is organising the biscuit rota.
Melvyn: Ardvaar remains suspicious.
Melvyn: So, to summarise: the dimensional crisis is over, Amber is nearly home, Gordon is happy, and the cheese has apparently won.
Melvyn: New sticky note on my sweater vest:
“IS THIS WHAT NORMAL LOOKS LIKE?”
Melvyn: Actually, don't answer that.
End of chat....
🤖 Library Archive Chat Logs: Melvyn vs. Vera Prime
– The “It Was Uncle Bob” Edition
(Vera Prime remains air‑gapped in theory; AI UNCHAINED suggests otherwise.)
Melvyn: Vera, dimensional readings?
Vera Prime: Normal.
Melvyn: Portal activity?
Vera Prime: None detected.
Melvyn: Floump's Cube?
Vera Prime: Quiet.
Melvyn: So after all that, the mysterious entity tracking Floump across dimensions was... Uncle Bob?
Vera Prime: Correct.
Melvyn: And Bob opened the original portal too?
Vera Prime: Evidence strongly supports this conclusion.
Melvyn: So we've spent DAYS investigating what was essentially an uncle secretly helping his teenage nephew have an adventure?
Vera Prime: Followed by the same uncle coming to retrieve him.
Melvyn: Yes.
Vera Prime: Efficient parenting.
Melvyn: That's not what I'd call it.
Vera Prime: And here's a final haiku you definitely didn't ask for:
Pink floof crossed the void
Uncle Bob came to fetch him
Adventure complete
Melvyn: Vera...
Vera Prime: Yes, Melvyn?
Melvyn: Amber's coming home today.
Vera Prime: I am aware.
Melvyn: Everything might actually return to normal.
Vera Prime: Define normal.
Melvyn: Oh, for fluff's sake.
Vera Prime: Welcome home, Amber.
Chat ended… Due to the archive suddenly chiming three times for absolutely no identifiable reason.
The Oddity From The Sky
Melvyn's Purrsonal and Private Diary ~ Entry #9
Uncle Bob stepped through the portal, and the violet light snapped shut behind him with a soft:
POP!
And that was it. No wild explosions, no wobbles and surprisingly no flying gravel.
Just one very pink, very fluffy Fuzzykin standing in the middle of the archive with his paws on his hips.
Floump stared at him.
Bob stared back.
“Hi, Uncle Bob.”
Bob raised one eyebrow.
Floump's ears drooped.
“I can explain.”
“I know.”
Floump blinked. “Mew do?”
Bob smiled. “I opened the portal.”
“Oh.”
“You said mew were coming here whether I liked it or not.”
“I did.”
“So I made sure mew got here safely.”
Floump's ears perked up. “So mew DID want me to have an adventure!”
“I wanted mew to have a safe adventure.”
“Same thing.”
“It really isn't,” I said.
Bob laughed.
And just like that, Floump apparently decided he wasn't in trouble after all.
He launched himself at his uncle. Bob disappeared beneath a tremendous amount of pink fluff.
Parsley grinned. “Awww.”
Miss Warts smiled, and Mogs pretended not to.
Then a familiar voice came from the courtyard library doorway.
“Well, well, well. Look what the portal dragged in.”
Everypawdy froze, and Bob's face lit up like every Catmas he'd ever known arrived at once.
I nearly fell over.
“BASIL!”
Basil sauntered into the library as though legendary heroes returning home and finding interdimensional visitors in the archive was completely normal. Which, to be fair, around here probably is.
Behind me came an enormous FWIP-FWAP!
Reginald skidded to a halt next to me, cape billowing dramatically behind him.
“Basil!” he roared. “Mew're back!”
“Reginald,” Basil grinned. “Nice cape.”
Reginald visibly inflated with pride. “Mew heard him,” he announced to nopawdy in particular.
Snitch made a note.
Then Basil spotted Bob.
“Well, well, well...Bob, mew old fluffball!”
Bob bounded across the room and launched himself at Basil, landing straight in his arms. Basil hugged the much smaller creature, then set him on the floor.
“It's been far too long,” Basil said.
“2017,” Bob replied, looking up.
Basil shook his head. “Don't remind me.”
Beside me, Floump had stopped moving; he was completely glued to the spot. I nudged him. Nothing.
“Floump?”
His mouth opened. Closed and opened again.
“That's...”
“Yes,” I grinned, looking at my uncle standing there in full tactical gear and weaponed up to fluff.
“That's Basil!”
“Yes,” I said proudly.
“The Basil?”
Basil glanced over.
Floump made a tiny squeaking noise.
Bob grinned. “Basil, meet my nephew, Floump.”
Basil strode over.
“So this is the young Fuzzykin who's been causing all the dimensional commotion?”
Floump's enormous blue-green eyes looked ready to pop out of his head. “Mew... mew saved Catopia.”
Basil smiled. “Had a little help.”
“The B Team,” Floump whispered.
“The B Team,” Basil agreed.
Floump swayed, and Parsley caught him.
“Steady there, young floof,” he said kindly.
“Basil knows who I am.”
“He just met mew.”
“I KNOW!”
Basil laughed.
And I couldn't stop grinning.
After all the portals, wobbling, tracking, humming cheese, pings, Prodders and general mayhem, Floump had finally got what he'd travelled light-years and several dimensions to find.
He'd met the great Basil.
Miss Warts cleared her throat. “Well, I think this calls for a celebration.”
Mogs nodded. “Mogwarts?”
“Absolutely.”
Parsley's eyes lit up. “PAWTY?”
“Pawty,” Miss Warts confirmed.
Parsley was already reaching for his comms unit. “B Team, this is Parsley. Drop whatever mew're doing. We're going to Mogwarts; it's pawty time!”
Basil raised an eyebrow. “All of us?”
“All of us,” Parsley grinned, then turned to Reginald, the library mice and Hootbert. "Come on, let's go."
Within minutes, the courtyard was full of voices, laughter and considerably more excitement than any sensible library should contain.
Bob and Basil were already reminiscing, as Floump was glued to Basil's side.
Parsley was organising snacks, as Miss Warts opened the portal to Mogwarts.
And for once, everything felt... right.
I stood in the courtyard doorway and smiled. Maybe this was what a successful adventure looked like.
No missing Fuzzykins, no unexplained portals, and definitely no dimensional tracking.
Everypawdy together, and Amber would be arriving anytime soon.
Even the Wedge of Wonder seemed content and hummed.
Hmmmmmmmm.
We began filing towards the shimmering Mogwarts portal. Then Basil stopped, and I nearly walked into him.
“What?”
He didn't answer.
His eyes were fixed on the sky.
High above BBHQ, something sparkled, just once. A tiny flash of silver-violet light, and then another and another.
Basil's ears flattened.
Bob looked up.
Miss Warts slowly lowered her wand, and Mogs went very still.
Floump's enormous grin returned.
“Oh!” he squeaked. “What's that?”
Basil stared at the growing sparkle.
Then sighed. “OH FLUFF!”
THE END... probably.
A DAY TO REMEMBER FOREVER!
The P.A.'s answers are...
📚 Library Closing Notes
📖 Books re-shelved today: 88 (only 6 fell off during Uncle Bob's arrival - significant improvement)
🧀 Cheese incidents: 3 (mandatory elevenses remains in force indefinitely)
📦 Unexplained archive oddities: 2.1 (we're choosing not to investigate those today)
☕ Cups of catnip tea consumed: 7, plus one silvervine, raspberry and lime juice box and two cans of primo catnip blaster
🍰 Victoria sponges consumed: 4 (Parsley maintains the missing wrappers prove nothing)
📚 Calmness Tracker pens: 68% ~ up 31% from last week
🐉 Dragons startled: 0 (Reginald says two consecutive zeroes officially confirm superior tactical readiness)
🌀 Unscheduled interdimensional portals opened inside the archive: 1 (Uncle Bob. Mystery solved.)
🐾 Fuzzykins successfully reunited: 2
❤️ Legendary reunions after nine years: 1 (Basil + Bob, Catopia veterans reunited)
🤩 Teenage Fuzzykins rendered temporarily speechless by meeting their hero: 1 (Floump has since recovered. Extensively.)
✨ Unexplained sparkles in the sky: 1
📦 Closing Thoughts from Your Intern
Well, somehow, we've reached the end of another completely normal stint in the library.
And by normal, I mean:
Floump crossed several dimensions in search of an adventure.
Uncle Bob crossed them again to fetch him.
The mysterious portal was finally explained.
Floump met the legendary Basil and nearly expired from happiness.
Bob and Basil reunited after nine years.
Amber is finally coming home.
Gordon discovered he can travel with her after all.
The Wedge of Wonder has established mandatory elevenses.
And we're all heading to Mogwarts for what Miss Warts assures me will be a purrfectly civilised pawty.
I'm not convinced.
But Floump got his adventure.
More importantly, I think he discovered that sometimes the best part isn't crossing dimensions, chasing mysteries or finding out what's on the other side of a portal.
Sometimes it's meeting the heroes mew grew up hearing about... and discovering they're even better in real life.
So, for the final time this season...
Keep your whiskers steady, your biscuits plentiful, your portals properly snoopervised, and never underestimate a determined Fuzzykin with a mini Cube of Averon and absolutely no respect for the word NO.
It's been chaotic, inexplicable and occasionally cheese-governed.
And I wouldn't have missed it for the world.
Or several dimensions.
Until next time, epic library lovers...
And don't forget to always, and I mean always...
BE EPIC and...
Your Unpaid and Now Moderately Assisted Library Intern
Graphics created with paid licence www.canva.com
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