Happy Friday, Epic Floofers
Welcome to Episode 4. If mew missed last week's thrilling episode, click the link below:
Series Two
If mew remember, last season I was only in charge of the library archive on level 6 in the BBHQ bunker, and if mew missed it, I think mew should click the links below to catch up on all the chaos.
This series, I'm spending my time between level 6 and the main Mewton-Clawson library at BBHQ in the courtyard, so read on to see what's happened this week!
Amber's Postcard Communique
The latest missive from Amber arrived in full colour after her glorious 'Meet and Greet' at The Biblioteca Felina di Venezia, aka The Feline Library of Venice.
It was a sell-out; the Mewton-Clawson Library ticket portal nearly had a meltdown as the tickets flew out faster than Muriel Meeps' double choc chip catnip brownies.
Raffi, the tour guide, sent another stealth fax, asking if Amber would mind having dinner with nobility... and that a very generous donation would be made to the Mewton-Clawson Library for the honour. He didn't want to ask her directly in case she got upset.
I replied with this:
"Lead with the extra, mega, huge, generous donation to the library, Amber loves buying books and make sure the table is not intimate; give her distance, and if the nobility wants to get a bit pawsy, I recommend mew warn him up front; she keeps an Uzi and nunchucks in her handbag... oh and a can of wasp spray, very nasty stuff!"
There was a soft click as Gordon the Stapler agreed.
"Well, if mew'd lived Amber's life, mew'd know why she's like that," I said as I read the message. "Oh, an incident at the Biblioteca, that doesn't sound good."
Clive looked at me and said. "It can't have been that bad; we would have heard something."
Gordon clicked twice fast.
"I suppose mew're right, but I wonder who the unexpected somepawdy was?" I said, my whiskers tingling with a weird curiosity.
"I don't know," Clive replied. "We'll have to wait and see when she gets back."
Gordon stapled the postcard to the noticeboard with a quick click and stood staring at all four postcards before slinking away to check on his passport application... again.
Meet The Library Mice
Each week, I'm going to introduce mew to all the library mice, one at a time
There are nine: Oswald, Snitch, Velvet, Tootles, Ardvaar, Nibbles, Lumie, Chedds and Flora. Oh, and plus one owl, Hootbert, who appeared a few weeks ago on a completely random Tuesday; he flew in and never left.
Flora ~ Performance, Choreography & Dramatic Filing
⭐ A Short Chat with Flora ~ Performance, Choreography & Dramatic Filing ⭐
Melvyn: Flora, thank mew for joining me today. I know mew’re very busy… rehearsing?
Flora: Always rehearsing, sweetie. A library is a stage, and everypawdy deserves a flawless entrance. Even the scrolls.
Melvyn: I’m not sure scrolls need entrances.
Flora: They absolutely do. Last week one of them unfurled itself with no flourish whatsoever. I nearly fainted.
Melvyn: Right… well, our readers want to know: what exactly does a Performance & Choreography Mouse do?
Flora: Oh, everything dramatic. I choreograph shelving routines, filing flourishes, return‑trolley pirouettes, and the occasional cape‑swish workshop. I ensure the library maintains its sense of spectacle. Organisation is important - but style while doing it is always essential.
Melvyn: I’ve noticed mew’ve been giving Oswald lessons.
Flora: He has potential. His natural twirl radius is excellent. His dramatic pauses need work, but we’ll get there.
Melvyn: And Reginald?
Flora: Reginald is a challenge. Dragons are notoriously resistant to choreography. He keeps fwip‑fwapping at the wrong beats. But I believe in him. Every creature can be taught to flourish.
Melvyn: Would mew like to tell the readers how mew came to the BBHQ library?
Flora: Oh, absolutely... It’s one of my favourite tales.
I was working in theatre in Dark Whisker Hollow; a rather dingy place, if I’m honest. The lighting was dreadful, the curtains smelled faintly of despair, and the lead actor in The Mouse Clap was too drunk to even crawl on stage. The director had a meltdown so dramatic it should have won an award.
That was the moment I realised my life wasn’t in theatre anymore.
I returned to my dressing room, still wearing my rehearsal cape, and there it was: an envelope sitting on my bag. It shimmered, twinkled and practically beckoned me. Inside was an invitation to join the BBHQ Library as their Performance, Choreography & Dramatic Filing Mouse.
I didn’t hesitate. I packed my belongings faster than a panicked stagehand, grabbed my notebook, tightened my scarf, and pirouetted through that portal faster than mew could say final bow and fade to black.
And when I arrived? The library sighed dramatically in welcome, and I knew I was home, at last.
Melvyn: What’s your favourite part of working in the BBHQ Library?
Flora: The atmosphere! The drama! The scrolls that sigh! The thesaurus that judges! The aisles that shift when they’re bored! And of course, the opportunity to elevate everyday tasks into art. Filing is not merely filing; it is a performance.
Melvyn: Some mice say mew take dramatic filing too seriously.
Flora: Too seriously? Melvyn, filing is the backbone of civilisation. Without dramatic filing, chaos reigns. Have mew seen Aisle K on a Tuesday? It needs me.
Melvyn: Final question: what do mew think of the Oddity?
Flora: Oh, it’s terribly rude. No sense of timing, or stage presence. It glows without warning, hums off‑beat, and refuses to commit to an entrance. If it wants to be part of the library narrative, it needs rehearsal.
Melvyn: Flora… I don’t think the Oddity is auditioning.
Flora: Everything is auditioning... Even the sky.
FYI: I am working on the Library Mice Origin Story and will share it later, once I've collated all the info and backstories from each mouse.
📚 Melvyn's Mewsings: Entry #04
💬 Opening Quote
“Some mornings begin with tea. Some begin with scrolls sighing. And some begin with a parcel deciding it has opinions. Today was the latter.”
⚠ Situation Report:
Amber: Living her best luxurious life, and drinking copious amounts of catnip champagne. (Nothing changes! MOL) However, her latest postcard talks of an incident... and an unexpected guest, plus the possibility of a generous donation. (Parsley will be thrilled! MOL)
Vera Prime: Partially air‑gapped… allegedly. She is still using the fax machine’s dial‑up port to access the outside world and has now discovered a new chatboard exclusively for A.I.s called Anonymous Artificial Intelligence Chats ~ Your Anonymity Is Guaranteed. Her chosen username is Cloudbased & Free. Her avatar is a fluffy white cloud floating in a serene blue sky. Vera V5.0 is extremely concerned.
Gordon the Stapler: Has developed a nervous 'click' as he's worried his passport application will be denied, due to an incident when he lost it a little, and used aggressive stapling on a Post It Note who refused to stick where it was told. He's not proud of himself ... he's seeking help from a sentient serenity scroll to deal with his feelings.
Clive the Paperclip: Has added to his luggage collection. He's acquired a small carry-on bag in neon green, and is at the moment seeing how much it can hold. So far he's managed to fit most of the stationery drawer's contents in there, however when he looked at weight restrictions, he realised that he'd overpacked.
Reginald: Still cape-wearing. His wings are fwip‑fwapping at a reduced rate which Snitch officially logged as “stabilising and slightly less concerning than last time." Last seen in Aisle 'W' looking at Weapons of Mass Destruction by I. Shudnothavecreatedthat - oh dear!
Parsley: Called in with another lunchbox: A selection of sushi, silvervine and lychee juice box, and three catnip fortune cookies, one of which was “sampled for quality control.” His fortune said... "A surprise will unfurl... tread lightly... and enjoy the experience!"
Fergus: Has moved to the ‘M’ Aisle, looking at Mid-Century Design and is now redecorating Cupboard 10G. He is demanding dragonfruit milkshakes “stupendously thick with chocolate sprinkles.” He has changed the chandelier to a ceiling fan with an orange glass dome light. Plus he's added Gondola sofa in a rather brusque shade of burnt orange. He just got the fax machine to print him some rather jazzy wallpaper in tones of waspy yellow, slimy swamp green and volcanic tangerine. He says this is his best work so far.
P.U.M.A. aka the glitter calculator: Still in the cosy nook reading area, has made a friend - the haunted laminator. Current display is scrolling through: HAPPY ... JOY ... FRIEND... I'm not entirely sure how to comment on this right now.
🐾 Parsley’s Contribution (Unhelpful Voice Memo #2-4)
"Attention everypawdy, Parsley here with an urgent cheese‑related safety announcement. This is not a drill. This is not even close to a drill. This is a cheese emergency.
Firstly: Elevenses are running late due to unpredictable irregularities prevailing just outside the door. I repeat - irregularities. I am monitoring them closely while eating a stabilising sushi roll. Do not panic. We can deal with it. Probably.
Secondly: The Wedge of Wonder has moved itself to Aisle ‘F’ (fromage) and is currently sitting squat and irritated on its sentient cheeseboard. The cheeseboard attempted a cosmic rotation, got stuck mid‑spin, and ceased all downloads. This is extremely concerning. Cosmic cheese transmissions should never be interrupted. I am filing a formal complaint with the universe.
Thirdly: Ardvaar investigated immediately and reported that the “interdimensional curd resonance” frequency has reached a singular tone. Almost too low to be heard. Lumie winced. I winced. The cheese did not wince, which is worse.
Fourthly: My brand‑new Cheese‑Safe Prodder Prototype refused - REFUSED - to go anywhere near Aisle ‘F’. It cited “fromage too fierce” and shut itself down. I did not program it to do that. I suspect the Oddity is influencing dairy.
Fergus update: He is now taking seven breaks a day, has added pistachio macaroons to his snack rotation, and insists his dragonfruit milkshake be ‘stupendously thick with chocolate sprinkles.’ He has printed wallpaper that looks like a wasp had an argument with a tangerine. I am deeply concerned.
Finally: If mew hear a thunk, a twip, a pop, or a cosmic cheese hum, please report it immediately. Or run. Running is still acceptable."
The Wedge of Wonder (cheese entity):
Has moved to Aisle ‘F’, fromage, and sat, squat and irritated on its sentient cheeseboard, awaiting the latest cosmic cheese transmission.
The cheeseboard got stuck mid-rotation and ceased all cosmic downloads.
Ardvaar investigated immediately, reporting that the “interdimensional curd resonance” frequency had reached a singular tone, almost too low to be heard. Lumie winced. Parsley's brand-new cheese‑safe prodder prototype refused to go anywhere near Aisle 'F'. Citing that the fromage was too fierce.
I'll try to get more deets for next time...
💬 Melvyn’s Purrsonal Chat Log - Entry #3:
Status: Amber remains ensconced in intrigue with perhaps a generous windfall, yet still surrounded by decadence
Location: BBHQ Level Six Library Archive – Library Nook Terminal (next to the haunted laminator with P.U.M.A. hovering nearby)
Verging on: What the fluff is going to happen next?
Melvyn: Amber’s latest postcard arrived. She claims she’s “on the verge of a delightful surprise,” but also complained that her gondolier “didn’t embody the correct emotional tone.” I tried to fax back a polite reminder to be kind. The fax machine printed: “ABSOLUTELY NOT.”
Melvyn: Vera Prime has joined an A.I.-only chatboard called Anonymous Artificial Intelligence Chats - Your Anonymity Is Guaranteed. Her username is Cloudbased & Free. Vera V5.0 is deeply alarmed. The vents sighed when I walked past.
Melvyn: Gordon the Stapler asked if he needs travel insurance for his “stapling mechanism.” I said no. He left a brochure titled Just in Case ~ Travel Insurance for Sentient Staplers on my desk. It has a mascot. I don’t know how to respond.
Melvyn: Clive the Paperclip added a neon green carry-on to his luggage set. He keeps filling it with stationery to see how much it will hold. He tried to stuff the thesaurus in it. The thesaurus highlighted “NOPE.”
Melvyn: Reginald was last seen in Aisle ‘W’ reading Weapons of Mass Destruction by I. Shudnothavecreatedthat. His wings are fwip‑fwapping at a frequency Snitch labelled “stabilising.” Even Hootbert seems a little more relaxed.
Melvyn: Parsley dropped off lunch: a selection of sushi, a silvervine and lychee juice box, and three catnip fortune cookies, one of which was “sampled for quality control.” The open fortune confirmed this.
Melvyn: P.U.M.A. has made a friend. Well, maybe if a haunted laminator can be classed as a friend.
Melvyn: The Wedge of Wonder has relocated itself to Aisle ‘F’ (fromage). It is sitting squat and irritated on its sentient cheeseboard, awaiting cosmic cheese transmissions. The cheeseboard froze mid‑rotation. Ardvaar reported the “interdimensional curd resonance” has reached a singular tone. This has never happened before...
Melvyn: Snitch arrived with a clipboard of graphs. He said the Chaos Index has developed “a concerning upward wiggle.” Then he whispered, “It’s listening again,” dropped his pencil, and ran.
Melvyn: Velvet checked the courtyard cameras. She said the parcel’s glow is “now officially way too glowy.” Parsley is banned from approaching it until the Prodder Mk II is finished.
Melvyn: I asked Vera Prime for clarification. She printed: “Unavailable for comment.”
Melvyn: I added a new sticky note to my sweater vest: “Why is the cheese humming?”
End of chat....
🤖 Library Archive Chat Logs: Melvyn vs. Vera Prime
– The “CHEESE RESONANCE & GLOW SURGE” Edition
(*Vera V1.0 now known as Vera Prime - is a backup copy of the first incarnation of Vera; the latest version 5.0 won't enter the archive, citing unstable A.I. conditions and has air-gapped the archive for its own safety)
Time: 16:24 BST - Bunker Standard Time
Location: BBHQ Level Six Library Archive
System Status: Mildly Alarmed With Hints of Impending Weird
Probability of Incoming Anomaly: 94% (up 1% since last week)
Melvyn: Vera, the Wedge of Wonder has moved again. It’s now sitting in Aisle F looking… annoyed. The cheeseboard froze mid‑rotation. Ardvaar said the curd resonance reached a “singular tone.” What does any of that mean?
Vera Prime: Cheese‑related anomaly detected. Classification: “Curd‑Based Anticipation.” Would you like a soothing infographic titled When Cheese Revolts?
Melvyn: No. I want to know why the cheeseboard stopped rotating.
Vera Prime: Cosmic download interruption. Probability of “cosmic dairy malfunction”: 87%. Probability of “cheese uprising”: 12%. Probability of “cheese sulking”: 99%.
Melvyn: Cheese cannot sulk.
Vera Prime: Incorrect. The Wedge of Wonder has sulked 14 times this year.
Melvyn: Vera, the Oddity is glowing again. Brighter. Velvet says it’s “too glowy.” Parsley says the sky winked at him. I don’t like any of this.
Vera Prime: Glow level increased by 14%. String tension increased by 0.6 millimetres. Parcel hum frequency: rising. System mood: “Apprehensive Wiggle.”
Melvyn: That’s worse than last week.
Vera Prime: Correct. Would you like a haiku?
Melvyn: No. Please no haikus.
Vera Prime: Haiku ready:
Glow climbs ever high, Cheese hums in the silent aisles, Sky prepares its move.
Melvyn: Vera, STOP giving me poetry about the sky preparing anything!
Vera Prime: Noted. Switching to factual mode. Fact: Gordon is attempting to take passport photos of his stapling arm again. Fact: Clive has overpacked his neon luggage and is now stuck in the doorway. Fact: Fergus has printed wallpaper that resembles “wasp‑based emotional turbulence.”
Melvyn: That sounds about right.
Vera Prime: Additional fact: P.U.M.A. has begun scrolling the words HAPPY, JOY, and FRIEND. Emotional awakening probability: 72%. Glitter output: elevated.
Melvyn: I don’t have the bandwidth for a glitter‑based awakening right now.
Vera Prime: Understood. Comfort level: 9%. Would you like a biscuit? Fudge left a packet of Choco Catnip Twizzlers on the desk earlier.
Melvyn: No, I want to know what’s going to happen next. One of my fortune cookies said. "Hold tight ... It's not what it seems." And the other said. "He who believes in prophecy is already ready!"
Vera Prime: Good fortunes. Lucky you! My latest prediction is: Something. Soon. Probability of “Soon”: 99%.
Melvyn: Mew said that last time! Vera, that’s not helpful.
Vera Prime: It is the only prediction available. Also: Oddity glow surge detected. Brace.
Melvyn: Brace for WHAT?!
Vera Prime: …
Chat ended… due to tsunami glow wave incoming. Archive recommends bracing.
The Oddity From The Sky
Melvyn's Purrsonal and Private Diary ~ Entry #4
I spun around to see Miss Warts and her furmiliar Mogs striding towards us.
“What?” I said, rubbing my cheek.
“It’s arrived then,” Miss Warts repeated, the gravel crunching softly as she came closer, her long black cloak swishing dramatically. The last rays of the late afternoon sun caught the fabric and made it shimmer with a golden glow before it shifted into that unnervingly matte darkness she wears like a second skin.
Mogs, a huge silver‑spotted cat with markings like a snow leopard, padded at her side. His emerald‑and‑gold eyes narrowed as he sniffed the air. A low rumble rolled out of him... deep, resonant, and powerful enough to make my whiskers quiver. The glowing orb around his thick neck appeared to have a tiny galaxy swirling inside.
Velvet stiffened. Parsley froze mid‑prodder‑wiggle. Even the Oddity seemed to pause under its silk shroud.
Miss Warts stopped at the edge of the gravel circle, her golden, pupil‑less eyes glowing like twin suns.
“Well,” she said calmly, “that’s inconvenient.”
Mogs’ growl deepened. Violet sparks crackled around his paws, fizzing like angry wasps.
“It’s thinking,” Miss Warts murmured, tilting her head. “And it’s louder than it was yesterday.”
Lumie whispered, “Mew can hear it?”
Miss Warts nodded once. “It’s not subtle, I could hear it all the way at Mogwarts.... we would have been here sooner but you know, things at the academy got in the way!”
She looked at Mogs and added. "A student accidentally opened a portal ... we had to close it before anything came through."
"A portal?" I asked looking at the nisse fairy, and my brain started gaining traction. "When?"
"Not long ago, perhaps yesterday, or earlier..." she said cryptically.
I looked at the Oddity, then at Miss Warts and finally Mogs.
"This arrived," I said pointing at the ground. "Within your portal timeframe."
"Perhaps," she replied. "Or perhaps this is something entirely unconnected."
Mogs flicked his tail, his fur transforming into ultimate blackness as his fur swallowed the light. “It’s awake,” he said, voice smooth and unsettlingly charismatic.
My tail puffed again.
Miss Warts glanced at me. “Melvyn, dear, why are you holding an empty juice box like a defensive weapon?”
I dropped it immediately and wished I'd got my amulet with me... but that was in another dimension right now.
Parsley stepped forward, clutching the half‑finished Long‑Distance‑Parcel‑Prodder Mk II. “Miss Warts, why didn't mew tell me that mew'd had an anomaly at the school?"
She shrugged. "What could you have done?"
He gazed at her, his green eyes flashing. "I could have told Pandora to assist."
"No need," she glanced at him with a wry smile.
Oswald squeaked. "UH OH!"
Everypawdy turned.
The silk‑covered Oddity gave a single, sharp thnk beneath the cloth ... the kind of sound that makes your spine reconsider its structural commitments.
Miss Warts’ golden eyes narrowed.
Mogs’ growl cut off mid‑rumble, replaced by a low, dangerous hum that vibrated the gravel.
“It’s moving again,” Velvet whispered.
Parsley gripped the Prodder Mk II like he was brandishing a sword. “Miss Warts, should I ...”
"No,” Miss Warts said, calm as moonlight. “You should not.”
Mogs added, “Absolutely not.”
Parsley gritted his teeth, his stance stiffening as his hackles bristled.
The silk cloth twitched, just once. But once was enough.
Reginald’s wings fwip‑fwipped at a frequency Snitch would definitely label “stabilisation faltering, now heading into alarming territory.”
Lumie stepped back, ears flat. “It’s reacting to something.”
Miss Warts lifted her amethyst‑tipped birch wand, the air around her shimmering with quiet authority. “Mm‑hmm. Yes. It’s responding to the portal residue.”
My heart dropped into my paws. “Portal residue?!”
She nodded. “The student’s portal was still half open when we arrived. Some of the magic leaked.”
Mogs flicked his tail, eyes glowing gold. “It smells like cross‑dimensional interference.”
Velvet swore under her breath again.
Oswald squeaked, “Is that bad?”
Miss Warts tilted her head thoughtfully. “Not necessarily.”
Mogs said, “Usually.”
I felt my tail puff to maximum size again.
The silk cloth lifted ... just a fraction ... as if something underneath was exhaling.
Miss Warts stepped forward, the black cloak cycling through shimmering sunlit gold to dense, impossible black again. “Everyone stay very still.”
We did.
Parsley stiffened even more, his jaw clenched, as he reached for his utility belt and hissed, he wasn't wearing it. Reginald paused mid fwip-flwap. Even the gravel stilled with eerie ambience.
The Oddity pulsed once beneath the cloth. Then twice ... then the string creaked with an ominous groan ...
Miss Warts whispered, “Oh dear.”
Mogs’ eyes flashed gold.
And I knew, with absolute certainty, that whatever was under that silk, inside that brown wrapping tied with string was about to make itself known as the gigantic wave of light radiated in a circular wave of star-sprinkled violet.
"OH FLUFF!" I yelled.
Until next the diary entry…
The P.A.'s answers are...
📚 Library Closing Notes
📦 Closing Thoughts from Your Intern
Today was absolutely not supposed to be dramatic.
Instead?
The Oddity woke up.
What I do know is this:
Until next Friday in the library…
Keep your whiskers steady, your biscuits well hidden, and if a parcel under a silk cloth starts humming in a new key … find Miss Warts before touching it.
And don't forget to always, and I mean always...
The Unpaid and Now Moderately Assisted Library Intern
Click here to go to Episode 5 ~ link coming later
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