Welcome to
Featuring a rerun of our bonkers time travelling pirate adventure
The Extraordinary Voyages of Cap'n Basil Blackheart and his Motley Crew
aboard
The Crimson Revenge
Arrrrrr and greetings wunderpurr pals
Welcome to the 8th episode of our fabulous new adventure and just in case mew missed anything, here are the links for the last 7 epically epic episodes:
>^.^<
A quick recap from the last episode:
"Jumping jeepers!" Snowie burst out. "What the flip is happening?"
"Horice is there any way mew could toss me to the ship, from here?" I asked urgently.
The heffle-lump thought for a spell. "Aye Cap'n Basil, if I hold ye in me trunk and get a lash on I think I could possibly get ye the distance ye require."
"Make it so big guy!" I said. "I need to be on that ship, mew guys get the rowboat and meet me there pronto."
Grasping Horice by the trunk, I gripped on tightly with both paws.
"Are ye ready Cap'n Basil?" he asked.
"Aye that I am."
He lifted me up and then began to spin his trunk like a propeller, faster and faster and faster.
I was barely holding on when Horice yelled. "Now!"
I let go and was jettisoned at almost warp speed towards the ship.
As I flew I saw Parsley, Snowie and Smooch running along the soft, sandy shore towards the moored rowboat with Horice hot on their heels.
I whipped my sword out and held it in front of me as I soared through the air like a burd on a purrfect trajectory towards The Crimson Revenge.
Just as I had almost reached my crew, a huge thundering boom resounded around the bay, I barrel rolled to pinpoint the source, and when I did locate it my heart sank, the Kraken was small fry compared to what was coming next.
"AND CUT!"
* * *
So hold ye fast matey's, as we're in for another wild ride today
Aharr
>^.^<
Part VIII
A Blast in the Past
"And Action!"
The Kraken sank beneath the waves in a huge plume of billowing steam as the raging fire was extinguished.
Landing on the deck with a bump and rolling most agilely to my paws, I pulled out my telescope and scanned the seas.
"Crew," I yelled. "Great to be back, thanks for blowing up the Kraken and saving the ship but I'm afraid we've got another purroblem now."
Amber let out a weary sigh. "Purrlease, can't we just take five?"
I shook my head as another boom resounded around the bay. Handing her the telescope, she spied in the direction I pointed.
"Oh for fluffs sake," she cried in dismay. "Can't a girl just have a nap?"
"What is it?" Humphrey asked taking the spyglass from her, he paused for a second and then added. "This is not good, and after all the damage we've sustained, we're like a sitting duck on a millpond."
Posie was next to observe. "Oh, this is bad, bad, bad. And we've only just gotten rid of the last problem."
I took the spyglass back and looked again.
"There's good news and bad news," I said solemnly. "Which do mew want first?"
"Defo the bad," my crew answered in unison.
"This is the historical data I do know as fact," I began. "The ship fast approaching us is called The Filthy Pearl, she has 20 cannons on each side and more crew than mew could count on Smooch's 3 paws times three and then some. The capitan's name was or is Raveneau, and he was or is a total psycho, lunatic pirate... also that ship was the fastest ship of its time and by all accounts sank everything it chased down. In 1683 Raveneau was the most feared pirate of all and the most cut-throat too, there are other things, really rather horrible and most unpleasant but I don't think mew guys need to hear them right now... so that's the bad news."
"And what's the good news?" Posie gulped as another boom sounded and moments later there was a rather large splash just off the starboard side.
"We have 21st-century tech on board," I gave them an uber-toothy grin, which if I'm honest was really, quite smirkingly evil. "What mew guys don't know is that under the fragile wooden shell of The Crimson Revenge lies the hull of a 21st-century warship, armed to teeth me hearties! AHAAAAAR!"
I laughed out loud as excitement trickled through my veins like an adrenaline shot of liquid catnip at the thought of a sea skirmish with one of the most notorious pirates of the era. My crew gave me a series of rather puzzled looks.
"Arrrrrrrrrrr me scurvy crew, we be 'aving a little taste o' battle," I said releasing my inner pirate. "Now get thee to ye battle stations and let's be 'aving a blast in the past."
Seconds later Smooch hauled himself onto the deck, followed by Parsley and Snowie.
Humphrey sidled up to them, he took a swig of nip rum and then offered the bottle around. "Mew'll be needing this in a minute."
"What, are mew serious?" Snowie asked after Humphrey explained the situation. "We've been sailing a frigging warship, and now we've got a bunch of hardcore pirates firing cannons at us, and Basil is laughing about it?"
Humphrey nodded and gulped a bit more nip rum.
"Wow," Smooch breathed. "This is exactly what I signed up for."
Parsley nodded in agreement, and the pair pootled over the smashed deck towards the stern.
"Basil! Basil! Basil!" Smooch yelled.
I peeked around the doorway from out of the cabin. "Smooch we've got..." I began.
"We know," Smooch answered. "Me and Parsley are very excited, what can we do?"
"Well," I replied, my grin more manic than a fat cat in a catnip factory. "We'll be 'aving a little fun me hearties."
I whipped out the blueprints of The Crimson Revenge and unrolled them on the huge, carved desk placing some 18th-century navigational tools at the corners to keep them unfurled; then I showed the ship's inner core to Smooch and Parsley.
They poured over the documents for a whole two minutes and grinned at me like they were fat cats in a catnip factory too. It warmed my heart to see them so excited.
"Me likey a lot," Parsley breathed in awe.
"Me too," Smooch said excitedly. "I want the 50 cal!"
Humphrey, Snowie, Amber and Posie had joined us and were quietly surveying the blueprints, after a few moments they joined the maniacally grinning brigade when they realised that we were more dangerous than Ernie Schwarzafluffer in The Purrminator One, Two and Three combined.
Humphrey looked at me, his eyes glinting more mischievously than I'd seen in a long time.
"I baggsey the torpedos," he said smirking.
"That's so not fair," Posie interjected. "Mew got to play in the tank against Baron Von Booney... I want the torpedos."
Amber interrupted. "Yes, me and Posie are having the torpedos, mew can take the other 50 cal."
I stared at my crew and shook my head; who'd have thought they'd be squabbling over weapons like they were fighting over a catnip mouse at a time like this.
"Look," I said tersely as another boom resounded from The Filthy Pearl. "Humphrey mew and Parsley take the mortar gun and rain a barrage of merry hell," I turned to Smooch. "Mew take the 50 cal and fire in small controlled bursts..." Smooch was smirking like a cat who'd just inherited the catnip factory. "Smooch, small controlled bursts only," I reiterated more sternly. "And shoot at anything that's headed our way."
Amber and Posie were getting antsy. "Where's the torpedo room?" Amber asked.
"There's a secret panel in there," I pointed to the cabin behind me. "It's behind the bookcase, just pull the novel, Moby Dick and it'll open, go down the fireman's pole and mew'll be directly in the war room, everything can be operated from there."
Before I could even blink my crew had skedaddled and I was left alone with Snowie, so I yelled.
"BATTLE STATIONS ME HEARTIES, AND LET THE SEA SKIRMISH BEGIN... ARRRRRRRRRRR!"
I pushed a remote-controlled device and the secret weaponry hidden within The Crimson Revenge was revealed from behind sliding panels in less time than it took to say; 'I'll have a niptini, shaken not stirred with a sprig of catnip on the side.' The sun glinted off the dull gun-grey metal panels as they locked into place with resounding clanks.
I took a long slow inhalation of the salty, sea air mixed with the gunpowder aroma and smoke wafting our way from The Filthy Pearl; it warmed my cockles, to say the least as I glanced around the deck and saw that Humphrey was seated behind the mortar gun and Parsley was loading the shells. They both had big orange ear-defenders aka ear-muffs on as that gun was supurr loud.
Smooch was in position on the next deck up, he'd put on the yellow ear-muffs and was standing on a metal platform with the 50 cal belt-fed machine gun aimed and ready.
I spoke into the small remote device. "Amber are mew ready?"
"Arrrrrrrr Captain, we be ready," came her answer from deep within the ship below.
I handed Snowie a set of ear-muffs, as I pulled mine on and placed my tricorn hat over the top, and seeing that we were battle-ready I yelled. "CREW FIRE!"
Humphrey pulled the trigger on the mortar gun. The sound was deafening.
BOOM... BOOM... BOOM... BOOM... BOOM... BOOM... BOOM... BOOM... BOOM... BOOM...
"RELOAD PARSLEY!" Humphrey shouted.
Canons sounded from The Filthy Pearl, and I saw four flaming cannonballs headed straight for us. Though there were ten mortar shells headed straight for them.
"SMOOCH, FIRE AT THE FLAMING BALLS!" I shouted.
Instantly Smooch let the 50 cal rip; ratatatat.... ratatatat.... ratatatat..... ratatatat.... the spent shells hitting the metal foot-plate with a tinkling sound and piling up around his back paw.
Ratatatat.... ratatatat.... ratatatat..... ratatatat.... ratatatat.... ratatatat.... ratatatat..... ratatatat.... ratatatat.... ratatatat.... ratatatat..... ratatatat.... He was whooping with sheer joy as the bullet's headed towards the incoming missiles.
I yelled into the remote device. "Torpedo's ready... FIRE!"
"Arrrrrrrr Captain!" Posie answered. "Torpedos away!"
The canon balls exploded mid-arc as Smooch kept his paw on the trigger, a rain of bullets hurtling through the air; ratatatat.... ratatatat.... ratatatat..... ratatatat.... ratatatat.... ratatatat.... ratatatat..... ratatatat.... ratatatat.... ratatatat.... ratatatat..... ratatatat....
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!
Humphrey started firing again.
BOOM... BOOM... BOOM... BOOM... BOOM... BOOM... BOOM... BOOM... BOOM... BOOM...
Suddenly there was an almighty CRASHING BOOM as The Filthy Pearl exploded; the gunpowder in its hold ignited.
Smoke billowed skywards as flames engulfed the ship.
Everybody stopped firing, and it seemed eerily quiet as we watched the pirate ship sink into the azure sea.
"Wow!" I said when the crew assembled on the deck a few minutes later. "That was purretty intense."
Smooch was glowing with pride. "I did it Basil! I did it Basil!" he beamed. "I blew those flaming balls into hell!"
"Mew did a great job Private," I said. "Truly stellar, all of mew were epically pawesome."
Humphrey took off his earmuffs and gave me a quizzical look. "So how come we had to fend off the Kraken with hot sauce, when if mew'd told us about the ship we could have just bombed that muther-fluffer into the netherworld?"
I knew that this was coming. "Humphrey, mew, Amber and Posie defeated the most feared sea monster of all time with nothing more than your sheer ingenuity and your lethal hot sauce," I answered. "Doesn't that make mew feel good, like really really good?" I paused. "Mew didn't need any fancy weapons, no modern tech and mew blew that freaker into oblivion and toasted its tentacled ass, mew are one serious, hardcore panfur!"
Humphrey thought about this for a moment, his taught expression cracked into a broad smile and he cried out. "HOOAH!" And paw-bumped Parsley and Smooch.
"Besides, mew can't have a secret weapon if it's not a secret, can mew?"
The crew all laughed.
"Shame about the pirates," Posie said and then smirked. "NOT!"
I gave her a look. "Posie, there could be survivors, and I think we should go see."
Amber tapped me on the shoulder and pointed towards the water.
"Ahhhhhh.... no survivors then.... too bad I always fancied making somebody walk the plank," I said taking in the multitude of sharks that had clustered over the site of the sunken ship. "Sushi anyone? Then we'll have a big clean up and head back to shore in the morning."
* * *
Horice had seen the entire skirmish and stood thoughtfully pondering the possibilities.
"This changes everything," he murmured thoughtfully to no one in particular as he wandered sedately back into the jungle.
"AND CUT!"
As each episode passes there are still so many questions, such as:
OMC, mew had a mini frigate hiding within The Crimson Revenge, how the fluff did mew get that?
What about the crew of The Filthy Pearl, are they really toast and chump?
Where on earth do mew get all these cool weapons, like seriously?
What's Horice's boggle?
That's two things blown up today, will there be a third?
How come the weapons were still operable after the Kraken nearly crushed the boat?
Are mew really having sushi for dinner?
What are mew going back to that crazy island for?
Can mew trust Horice?
And that weird Amsted dude, what's his story?
* * *
To find out what happens next, tune in on Caturday for the continuing tension, and to see what the fluff is going to happen next.
ARRRRRRRR ME HEARTIES
This be
Cap'n Basil & the Crew of The Crimson Revenge
Signing out until the next time... ARRRRRRR
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