CATS HAVE PROBLEMS TOO! with Dr Basil ~ Featuring Today's Despurrate Dilemma ~ **I'M MORTIFIED BY MICE!!!**

 Welcome to 

Happy Monday, furry floofers

Welcome to another episode of Cats Have Purroblems Too, where I give epically epic advice to cats with despurrate dilemmas too great for them to solve alone. 

If mew're wondering why mew haven't heard of this before, well, dearest furiends this was a regular segment I ran many years ago, and sadly the original posts are now archived. 

But it's back now, so take a seat and read today's despurrate dilemma and my solution.

Also, mew may be pondering on what my professional credentials are, so purrlease purruse the list below:

Ph.D. in Kitty Psychology & Psychiatry

BSc (Hons) Headology  

Psy.D. Furry Logic

 MS. Fuzzy Logic

MA. Common Sense

My other Professional Credits include:

NOM Master
Snoozy Savant
Purr Master

AdvoCat of T.L. Treatment
Touchy Feely Therapy or T.F.T
Purrfume Aroma Treatment or P.A.T.

I can help mew to solve all your Pet Peeves, Purrsonal Problems and Despurrate Dilemmas, no matter how great or small they may be.

Plus, I only use the very latest techniques, some of which I have developed myself over my long and esteemed career, which include:

 Purr Therapy ~ For Uptight and Particularly Stressed Kitties 

Nom Zen ~The Art of Nomming in Total Tranquility 

ZZZ's Snooze Sensation ~ Including Mewsical CatNap Sessions tailored to your purrsonal requirements

YogiCat Meditation ~ Stretches and Breathing Techniques for the Severely Stressed & Overworked

Intense CatNip Therapy ~ This treatment speaks for itself (I find it very beneficial)

I am also an AdvoCat of Tough Love coupled with a healthy dose of common kitty sense

Purrfume Aroma Treatment ~ A Sensory Smelling Session S.S.S. to calm and soothe with highly aromatic blends of specially selected scents

To help mew release all your stresses and worries, just drop by my clinic held here or, alternatively, email me your purroblem, and I'll answer here. If mew require to remain anonymous or anon, purrlease include that in your email. 

Mew can contact me directly at the following address:

DearDrBasil (at) gmail (dot) com

So come and sit on my supurr comfy couch, reee-lax, breathe deeply and tell me of your troubles, as I'm ready, willing and able to help.

This is one of my cases via email:

‘I’m mortified by Mice, What do I do?’

Dear Dr Basil

Purrlease mew must help me! I’ve just been adopted as a farm cat from a shelter, where I had been a resident for quite some time – exactly how much time I don’t know, it seemed like forever, though and I can’t really remember my life from before, as I was very sick when they brought me here – however I’ve been living in a cage and had my meals provided and litter tray serviced daily, fresh water and all the usual shelter amenities. So I was quite shocked that after all of that time that I finally got adopted as I’m not the youngest kitty on the block. The good mews is, I have a very nice new furrmily.

They live on a farm, I didn’t even know what that was until after my preliminary indoor period was over, and I must say that the amenities are second to none, plus I get so much attention. But I digress, I was shocked to see so much open space all in one area, its huge, vast in fact, I couldn’t cross it in days if I tried. So after my initial shock at the sheer size of the place wore off, I began to explore the barns and sheds and everywhere, and that’s when I first saw them with their bristling little whiskers and high-pitched squeaks, there was a whole posse of them scurrying around in the grain store. I was severely outnumbered and froze to the spot in terror.

These mice turned and looked at me like I was dinner, their beady little black eyes boring into my very soul. I turned and scarpered, what else could I do?  Take on a mice army, solo? I would have never survived.

I went back the next day and watched from a safe distance when one of them came right up to me, I think it was their leader and said, ‘Look cat, we can do this hard way or the easy way, the choice is yours.’ I stared in disbelief at this little pipsqueak, and then he reared up and bopped me on the nose, on the nose if mew purrlease!  I was so taken aback that I couldn’t speak, the mouse just laughed and scurried off, and since then it’s been getting worse and worse. They ambush me and allsorts; I’m too embarrassed to say anymore.

My natural instincts tell me that I have to NOM these rodents good and proper, but after all that has happened, I’m fearful for myself, these mice are pure evil, can mew help me?

Yours living in fear

Hector the Farm Cat

This is my Expert Reply

(I'm using the colour brown to incite a response that is earthy and back to nature, plus the colour BROWN is non-threatening.)

Dear Hector

Firstly I must say that I am thrilled about your new home, and a spacious one at that. Now, let’s move on to more pressing purroblems. It seems to me that these rotten rodents have taken away your power, and in turn, mew have become fearful of something that in the natural order of things, should rightly be super fearful of mew!

So to get your power back and give these monstrous mice some payback, I am recommending the following course of action.

Firstly mew need to calm down and take some time to build up your resilience, and I am suggesting that mew use my:- Purrfume Aroma Treatment ~ A Sensory Smelling Session S.S.S. to calm and soothe with highly aromatic blends of specially selected scents using my Special Blend No: 1  a mix of lavender, catmint and neroli. I would advise that mew inhale the scent every few hours to soothe your jangled nerves, and when mew feel able to move on to my Six Step Programme, this is what I recommend ridding yourself of the Mouse Imposed Purgatory or M.I.P.

Operation Rodent Retribution:

Step One: Observe these pesky varmints from a safe and secure position.

Step Two: Once mew feel comfortable with just Observing, gradually move closer, keeping yourself hidden. Operate in Stealth, let your natural instincts guide mew.

Step Three: As mew become more accustomed to their evil little mousing ways, mew can reveal yourself to the horde. If this is too much, retreat and repeat Step Two until mew feel ready to face your fear. 

Step Four: After mew have successfully completed Steps One through Three. Call out the Individual who took your power, face this evil little morsel and hold your ground, no matter what happens. Hold your line of defence, when the one that assaulted mew comes forward (and he will), let him come right up to mew, like before. Now this is furry important, show NO FEAR, hold his gaze and stare him down. Wait until he is right in front of mew, and then move on swiftly to Step Five.

Step Five:  When this hubris arrogant little rodent from hell is a whisker away, thinking he’s going to be taking charge again - this is where mew:  Ambush and Attack, let your N.B.K instincts (Natural Born Killer) take over, imagine that it is a tasty yummy scurrying snack pack and it's just offering itself to mew, like a willing sacrifice. Just let your instincts rip through mew in a wild torrent of emotion and strike. Swipe that fiend and pin him to the ground in front of his horde, pin him there in a cage of claws and at this point, and this is most important - Give them all your most evilest grin – mew should have them quaking in fear as their leader is trapped.  Move on to Step Six.

Step Six: This depends on whether mew are a vegetarian or not. If mew are not adverse to nomming this evil-doer and show the hoard that mew are one kitty not be messed with, NOM that Sucker! Nom him till he’s a goner!  However, if mew are a V.K. (Vegetarian Kitty) I would suggest mew use this victim as your plaything, there’s nothing like taking your power back with Playtime. Toss him in the air, bat him, torment him, whatever comes to mind, mew’ll know exactly what to do and then when he’s nearly finished, throw him to the side like garbage. After mew have either Nommed him proper or playtimed him out, make it clear in no uncertain terms to the hoard that if they ever mess with mew again, that’s what they can expect in return.

After mew have completed all steps of my programme, mew should feel on top of the world, so strut your furry stuff around the farm like mew own it, and don’t ever let the unmentionables get the upper paw again. If they are stupid enough to try anything in the future just to go straight for Step Six: NOM Them Senseless!

Hector, I do hope that The Cats have Purroblems Too Clinic has helped mew conquer your fear, and if mew need any further consultations, purrlease don't hesitate to MEOW me!

Yours most sincerely

Dr Basil

@ The Cats have Purroblems Too Clinic T.M.

____________________

Today's Moral Code is:

~ Don’t Effur Let Go of Your Power ~

If anyone tries:-

 Just NOM them!

_________________________________

If mew can relate to Hector's problem or feel that mew need any assistance, purrlease leave a comment to: Dear Dr Basil with your dilemma or email me directly, and I'll get back to mew.

Thank mew all for joining me today at The Cats have Purroblems Too Clinic, and I'll be back next Monday with another open clinic and a brand new case study.

Until then, Keep Calm and Purr on

Dr Basil

Ph.D. ~ BSc. (Hons) ~ Psy.D. ~ M.S. ~ M.A. 

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