Monday 4 September 2023

CATS HAVE PROBLEMS TOO! with Dr Basil ~ Featuring Today's Despurrate Dilemma **TROUBLE DOWN UNDER!**

 Welcome to 

Dr Basil ©BionicBasil®

Happy Monday, furry floofers

Welcome to another episode of Cats Have Purroblems Too, where I give epically epic advice to cats with despurrate dilemmas too great for them to solve alone. 

And if mew're wondering why mew haven't heard of this before, well, dearest furiends this was a regular segment I ran many years ago, and sadly the original posts are now archived. 

But it's back now, so take a seat and read today's despurrate dilemma and my solution.

Also, mew may be pondering on what my professional credentials are, so purrlease purruse the list below:

Ph.D. in Kitty Psychology & Psychiatry
BSc (Hons) Headology  
Psy.D. Furry Logic
 MS. Fuzzy Logic
MA. Common Sense

My other Professional Credits include:

NOM Master
Snoozy Savant
Purr Master
AdvoCat of T.L. Treatment
Touchy Feely Therapy or T.F.T
Purrfume Aroma Treatment or P.A.T.

I can help mew to solve all your Pet Peeves, Purrsonal Problems and Despurrate Dilemmas, no matter how great or small they may be.

Plus, I 
only use the very latest techniques, some of which I have developed myself over my long and esteemed career, which include:

 Purr Therapy ~ For Uptight and Particularly Stressed Kitties 

Nom Zen ~The Art of Nomming in Total Tranquility 

ZZZ's Snooze Sensation ~ Including Mewsical CatNap Sessions tailored to your purrsonal requirements

YogiCat Meditation ~ Stretches and Breathing Techniques for the Severely Stressed & Overworked

Intense CatNip Therapy ~ This treatment speaks for itself (I find it very beneficial)

I am also an AdvoCat of Tough Love coupled with a healthy dose of common kitty sense

Purrfume Aroma Treatment ~ A Sensory Smelling Session S.S.S. to calm and soothe with highly aromatic blends of specially selected scents

To help mew release all your stresses and worries just drop by my clinic held here or, alternatively email me your purroblem, and I'll answer here. If mew require to remain anonymous or anon, purrlease include that in your email. 

Mew can contact me directly at the following address:

DearDrBasil (at) gmail (dot) com

So come and sit on my supurr comfy couch, reee-lax, breathe deeply and tell me of your troubles, as I'm ready, willing and able to help.

Cats Have Purroblems Too with Dr Basil @BionicBasil® Find A Comfy Spot on The Couch

This is one of my cases via email: 

'Trouble Down Under!'
Good day Dr. Basil

Now we Aussie cats aren't in the habit of taking flak or bad vibes from nopawdy, not now, not ever. However, and this is a big HOWEVER, me and my furrmates have run into a bit of bother with a new rival. Our hooman, Shane has gone and got himself a gurlfriend called Sheila!  And she’s not fond of our sort, as mew can imagine we are even less impurressed with her. I mean come on, what’s not to like?  We are a gang of five furrsome, fan’cat’stic, furry felines, we are totally pawesome dudes, we hang out all night have a few spats and tumbles, rock in at dawn and want feeding. 

Now this is where Sheila is starting to infringe on our turf, she’s even in the bed when we come in. There’s no room for us anymore, and Shane says nothing, he’s like a love-sick puppy, and instead of leaping out of bed to feed us, he just rolls over and snores! SNORES if mew purrlease, can mew believe it?  (I couldn’t either!)

Before Sheila came on the scene he waited on us no matter what the time of day or night, now we just get left some crunchies in a bowl, and are told to help ourselves. The Bonza Bad Cat Crew doesn’t do Self Service. What do mew suggest to get our line of service open again?

Bonza Bruce and The Bonza Bad Cat Crew 
Sniffles the Snorter
Lemon the Likeable
Kyle the Cunning
Reggie the Relaxed
Ted the Tormenter 

(Furrborough, NSW)

This is my Expert Reply
Today I use the colour PURPLE, as it stimulates higher thought processors in the brain, and this colour is also associated with problem-solving and higher reasoning. Therefore being the purrfect choice for this purroblem.

Dear Bonza Bruce and the Bonza Bad Boy Crew

Thank mew furry much for contacting me about the distress in your domicile. Hmmmm…. I see we have a hooman impeding and infringing on the crew's time. This is not an uncommon purroblem. Single hooman gets a new hooman companion, and the new hooman calls the shots and your previously doting hooman suddenly becomes alien to mew in the ways that he/she acts. This can be furry distressing especially if the new hooman is not particularly feline furriendly. 

I think mew need to address the root cause of your hooman getting a non-feline fan as a companion. Perhaps Shane was feeling all felined out and needed a distraction, by getting a non-feline fancier, he is opening his horizons to new things such as getting a cold one from the fridge and maybe even, throwing another shrimp on the BBQ (I know all about famous OZ traditions like these because Cat Dad hails from that very place). This could be good in the long term; however, this doesn't solve your immediate woes, such as your sleeping arrangement and your feeding schedule, which I know is most important to one's well-being and daily sanity.

So we have established, that Shane got Sheila because there was a ‘lack’ in his life and now that Sheila is there, mew are feeling ‘lack’ in your lives. Shane's lack has been filled while your lack has been sprung on mew by him. It’s a classic rebound effect, his lack is filled and gone, while yours is suddenly a great big gaping chasm.

So my advice to mew is this; mew and the crew need to completely change your routine.

1.  When Shane is at home alone, make sure mew are with him at all times. No getting in his face though, shadow him in stealth or take turns between the five of mew, get a rota happening. But don’t put the rota on the fridge otherwise the hoomans will know something’s up.

2.  Only go out for brief periods and come back and check on him, sit with him and be supportive.

3.  Stop going out all night painting the town red and rebel rousing. When they go to bed, mew all go to bed. Make sure mew and the crew get down the centre of the bed. Mew must become an impenetrable feline wall of fluff. If Sheila complains or tries to move mew, hold fast, don’t break the line. This is vital.

4.  Stay there all night, no matter what. If one of mew does get moved, another needs to fill the gap instantly, mew need to be fully co-ordinated. 

5.   Make sure Sheila wakes up with one of mew on the pillow with her.

6.   Make sure Shane wakes up with one of mew on the pillow with him.

(Paws on the face and/or head is purrfectly acceptable in points 5. & 6. However do not engage in any hair biting or pulling, as this will severely weaken your new strategy).

7.  If they wake whilst mew are in the middle of any covert operations do this immediately: As soon as they start to stir make sure mew all start to purr in purrfect synchronicity, just a low soothing hum, the one that reverberates through all living things on a frequency undetected by normal hooman senses. This is an incredibly soothing sound should have them back in Snoresville before mew can say, Feed Me!

8.  When they do wake in the morning, ideally make sure that you’re full of beans and meowing, really get that pitch up and let them know mew’re all there. Hopefully, after a few days of this treatment, Sheila will start to warm up to mew guys. To win with Shane, win over Sheila. Be supurr nice to her. This will have two effects:

a.)    She’ll fall in love with mew all, and become hooman assistant #2
b.)    She’ll flee for the hills

So either way it will be a win-win for mew guys. If she stays, mew will have two peeps to dote on mew, and if she leaves, mew will have Shane all to yourselves again.  
I love it when a plan comes together! 
Your Zen Harmonies have been restored ~ PURRFECTLY PAWESOME!

Bonza Bruce, I do hope that The Cats Have Purroblems Too Clinic has helped mew today, and if mew need any further consultations, purrlease don't hesitate to MEOW me!
Yours most sincerely
Dr. Basil
@ The Cats Have Purroblems Too Clinic T.M.


Today's Moral Code is:

~ If  your bed is taken over, take it back  ~

If mew can relate to this purroblem or feel that mew are in need of any assistance, purrlease leave a comment to: Dear Dr Basil.... or email me directly and I'll get back to mew.

Thank mew all for joining me today at The Cats Have Purroblems Too Clinic, and I'll be back next Monday with another open clinic and a brand new case study.

Until then, Keep Calm and Purr

Dr. Basil

Ph.D. ~ BSc. (Hons) ~ Psy.D. ~ MS ~ MA

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  1. And if that doesn't work, there's always the hairball in Sheila's shoes approach!

  2. Great advice. I like Lone Star Cats solution too!

  3. Sheila is in fur the time of her life with you handsome mancats. I like the impenetrable wall you will build like the Wall of China.

  4. Excellent advice. You have to play the long game with a new human in your space. I say do what Dr. Basil suggests.

    Have a purrfect day and week. Scritches all around and a hug to mom. ♥

  5. Ha! Very sensible strategy, Dr. Basil!

  6. Good advice. I say trap the girlfriend and drop her off at the shelter.

  7. Smart, very smart. I purrsonally don't get why feline loving humans bother with non-feline loving humans when looking for a relationship.

  8. Thank you for joining the Wordless Wednesday Blog Hop.

    Have a fabulous day and rest of the week. Scritches to the kitties and a hug to mom. ♥


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