Hello fabulous friends, and welcome to our lifestyle cat blog. If you love cats then you’re definitely in the right place. We share a wide array of entertaining posts to amuse you each week, so drop by often to catch up on all the fun and remember; the world is way better with cats! Purrs from your hosts, Wing Commander Basil & The B Team
As I rounded a partly collasped column I saw my old team and my heart squeezed; mew know that really fuzzy full-fluff feeling. Mad Cat Malone, Gwendoline Furrzmore, Chuffer McGraw and Solitaire were brandishing spears at a new foe that had just breached a hole through the amphitheatre perimeter wall.
The relief that flooded through effury cell of my body was incredible and I yelled with a huge grin on my face. “Dudes I think mew’re gonna need bigger guns!”
Sliding to a halt next to them I reached into my tactical vest and pulled out a couple of pawfuls of weapons and ammo, dropping them to the ground I used the ray gun and zapped the heap making them full sized. “Weapons ready!” I hollered throwing ear-defenders at them as I leapt in front lifting my uzi’s towards the biggest rat I’d effur seen, and to make matters wurse it looked a wee-bit rabid. It was an unholy sight and wrong on so many levels and all I could think was, how the fluff am I going to take that behemoth down!
Its malevolent eyes glowed with orange fire, its fangs were nearly as long as my tail and dripping with a foamy-venom. Leather armour covered black-bristly fur, and its razor-sharp talons punctured the ground as it ran towards me. Just when I thought it couldn't get any wurse, it did as another monstrous rat appeared behind it.
Oh heck! I thought as I unleashed two full clips into the furst rat and began to reload.
My old team began to fire at will as the second rat kept to the shadows and began to skulk around the edge of the outer wall. I tracked it and shouted to Chuffer Macgraw. “Chuffer dude the second bogey is flanking us at 2 o’clock.”
Chuffer looking like he could barely hold the AA12’s shouted. “On it Commander!” as he scooted passed me opening fire. Solitaire followed while Mad Cat and G.D. aka Gwendoline unleashed merry hell on the furst bogey.
Unloading another two clips in the the furst rat, I spun to see what was happening with The Old One as I reloaded.
Smooch, Parsley and Humphrey were closing in as The Old One staggered unsteadily to his feet, Smooch had his RPG armed and ready, and launched a grenade. **BOOM!** it hit The Old One dead centre again. Parsley followed suit. **BOOM** dead centre again but The Old One lurched to the side, faltered briefly and then stood up again and grinned.
“Holy muther of fluff!” I roared as I saw The Old Ones maw settle in that malicious ear-to-ear grin.
Humphrey drew his Katana, the deadly Sword of Angels was glowing with a dazzling white light as Pandora shouted something in her odd, little foreign accent. “Levitatum Draxius!” and a huge stone block flew at The Old One.
I saw Diggs and Winston in the midst of the action, six troll guards had appeared in the fray and Winston, who was always a fan of the AR15 was using one with a 30 shot mag. Diggs was using a pump action shotgun as they let loose like like their lives depended on it, which it did.
Amber had climbed atop a half fallen column and was using her 308 snipers rifle, firing at any hostile that moved, she screamed. “Basil on your six, get down!” I dropped to the ground like a stone and the bullet whizzed passed me. “All clear on your six dude!” she yelled taking aim and firing at the second giant rabid rat skirting the perimeter with G.D. and Mad Cat following. The bullet hit it in the eye and it fell, twitching and emitting heinous squeaking-shrieks. Mad Cat and G.D. approached with the utmost caution and unloaded their clips almost at point-blank range until the twitching and the shrieking stopped.
“Bogey down!” Mad Cat yelled above the gunfire, as he and G.D. went to help Solitaire and Chuffer. I was hurtling towards Fudge who had a really wild look in his eyes, and yes, he was still wearing his pom pom bag. “Fudge dude, get down!” I screamed as I pulled my glock from its holster and shot a slimy-green 6 legged mutant-toad that was about to ambush him. He hit the deck just as I fired still running towards him. The creature made a strange gurgling sound and just dropped to the ground with thwump.
“Fudge, Fudge are mew ok?” I asked as I pulled him up. His big green eyes were like saucers as he stared at me in disbelief.
“Basil!” was all he said as he threw his paws around my neck and gripped me like he’d neffur let go.
The battle was raging around us and in that moment I saw The Old One throw the huge block straight towards Pandora. I gulped as she just stood there, defiant and stalwart as she lifted her paw and gestured to the left. The block flew left and landed on another troll guard platoon. “HOOAH!” she whooped, Winston and Diggs joined in her revelry “HOOAH!” they yelled as the block landed.
"Fudge dude, are mew ok?” I asked my youngest team memfur. He was trembling as he replied softly. “Basil I knew mew’d come, I knew mew’d come get me... I’m so sorry I bought that fluffing eveel clock... I'm so sorry Basil!” he cried.
“Dude,” I whispered gratefully. “If mew hadn’t bought that clock I would have neffur known the truth about my old FIB Team.” I paused fur a second taking in the battle raging around us.
Amber was picking off the new hostiles who were literally fighting to get into the amphitheatre through the effur increasing hole. “Basil I need more ammo!” she yelled. "I'm down to my last rounds!"
“On it!” I yelled. “Fudge here take these.” I passed him my uzi’s and several clips and fished in my pockets fur more weapons. “And dude the pom pom bag suits mew!”
Zapping my new arsenal to full size I threw a bag of ammo towards Amber and she caught it, reloading like a purrfessional and the onslaught began again as creatures in their droves fought their way in.
The Old One was shooting fiery blood-red orbs, death-magick at Smooch, Humphrey and Parsley who ducked and dodged the deathly red motes with ease. Humphrey was getting closer and closer to the eveel muther-fluffer as I battled my way towards him shooting anything that got in my way.
A purple blob creature rolled into my path, it was crackling with energy and it spat at me, the goo landing on my tactical vest. I could smell burning fur as I glanced down and saw a hole and a bald patch of skin, that made me really angry as it was a brand-new vest; the freaky blob had acid spit. I emptied a full clip into it but the bullets did nothing. “Awwww man mew’re really hissing me off now!” I growled as it spat at me again. I ducked to the right and the acid spit landed on the ground sizzling. Think quick, what can I use? I thought and don’t ask me why but I pulled out the ray gun, flicked the switch fur the miniaturising setting and blasted the blob. It squealed like a pig in a slaughterhouse as it shrank to the size of a garden pea and then I did the only thing I could. I dropped the nearest rock on it, [well mew didn't think I was going to tread on it did mew? EEEWWWW] and headed fur Humphrey.
The smell of cordite filled my nostrils and acrid gun-smoke drifted like a thick smog between the last remaining standing columns. So many creatures had now entered the maze and I knew we were going to be offur-run in minutes.
“Camomile!” I hollered, just as the Wild Hunt sounded their battle horn in the far distance.
The Nisse popped out of thin-air next to me. “Yes Basil?” she trilled.
“If we kill The Old One, will that stop the creatures?” I yelled above the din.
She shook her head, “No Basil, it won’t stop them, they are here to defend and help him.”
“How can we kill The Old One then?” I asked shooting a shambling zombie humanoid that was just about to take a chunk out of Diggs. “Shuffler down, Winston on your six dude incoming zombie shufflers!”
“How the heck do we kill The Old One then?” I asked her again, taking a pop a some crazy winged menace that was swooping offur the wall towards us, the orange leathery pterodactyl-esque creature crashed to the ground.
“His only weakness is his arrogance,” she replied, then **POP** she just vanished.
Well that wasn't cryptic at all, I thought and sped towards Humphrey.
“Humphrey I’m on your six dude, we need to take the freaker down stat,” I yelled as the hunting horn sounded again.
It was in that moment The Old One saw me and he snarled. “This is your doing!” he raised his gnarled hand and fired the death magick at me, I twisted but one of the motes clipped my right flank before dispersing into nothing.
Smooch and Parsley were doing their weird sign-paw language and then I heard through my comms set. “Basil draw his attention I have an idea!” Parsley said.
I waved at them and replied. “Shouldn’t be an issue!" and I opened fire riddling The Old One with bullets. He lunged towards me finally stepping away from the huge block protecting his back.
Somersaulting offur a pile of debris I lured The Old One away from the shelter he’d been using and out into the open where the fight was just becoming insane; my old team were starting to struggle as all manner of hostiles were trying to get into the now crumbling arena. Amber was surrounded by zombie shufflers trying to clamber up the column she was purrched atop, and Winston and Diggs were cut off and cornered by five winged-vampire monkeys.
I reached a clearing and emitted a scream I didn’t know I was capable of. The walls and ground began to shake again and the last remaining columns toppled in a huge dust cloud.
Shrieks, howls and wails filled the air and The Old One waved his hands and all the creatures stopped fighting instantly. And backed away from my comrades and began to line up around the edge of the broken amphitheatre.
Moments later my old team, my new team and a posse of creatures who were surrounding Fudge came to my side.
“This doesn’t bode well,” Smooch said guns up and pointed towards the hostiles as more emerged and filtered around the edge.
“Mew’re not kidding!” Amber shot back as she landed next to me.
Parsley’s 6” steel claws snapped out and he said. “Dudes, this is gonna get real messy!”
I saw Humphrey looking at his sword and then at me; it was as if he was listening to a voice far, far, far away. “Humphrey dude, what’s up?”
We were surrounded by the team as Humphrey offered me his sword and said. “Finish it Basil.”
I took the fabled weapon with much reverence, I could feel the buzz of energy as I held in my paw, yet the glowing light was strangely absent. I gave Humphrey the nod. “Guys, by all indications I have to go do this alone, mew stay here and if anyone of the creature-features makes a move, put ‘em down and put 'em down hard.”
Smooch had emptied the contents of his pockets on the ground as Parsley zapped them to full size and he picked up 5 flame throwers handing them to my old team, he passed Diggs an RPG and a bag full of grenades.
Pandora sidled up to me and whispered. “Basil, mew must strike him through the ‘eart vith the blade of the angels, I can ‘elp.”
I winked in acknowledgement as my now huge team, geared up fur the fight of our lives. Fudge appeared next to me and put his paw on my arm gently. “Basil, mew can do this, I know mew can!” he said as he loaded his AA12s with 20 round drum-magazines. And yes, he was still wearing the pom pom bag, so I said. “Dude what’s with the new fashion accessory?”
“He grinned at me and said. “Basil these are some of the creatures I rescued just before mew got here, they’re coming back to BB HQ with us, is that ok?”
I looked at one of the fluffy pink critters, who chirruped rather sweetly and I shrugged. “Sure, no wurries dude, just check that they don’t turn into something hideous which will want to eat us, we'll discuss it it more later but right now I need to go face-off with that muther-fluffing freaker... watch my six dudes.”
As I stepped forward one of the pink pom poms jumped on my shoulder, and we went resolutely without fear or uncertainty to face the eveel Old One; Cat & Suicidal Pom Pom versus Crazy Powerful Ancient Being. And I knew one way or another, this would be the final showdown.
OH MY COD!
See Mew Next Tuesday Fur The Final Thrilling Chapter