Hello fabulous furriends, and welcome to our lifestyle cat blog. If you love cats then you’re definitely in the right place. We share a wide array of entertaining posts to amuse you each week, so drop by often to catch up on all the fun and remember; the world is way better with cats! Purrs from your hosts, Wing Commander Basil & The B Team
I raced to BD1 on level 2 and was met by carnage. Through
the blast doors all I could see was a rather disconcerting purple mist swirling and
billowing up against the reinforced windows like it was trying to find a way to
get out. Nothing at all within the room was visible.
“Turn on the extractor fans!” I yelled.
“On it!” Amber replied as she tapped furiously on her paw
tablet. “Extractor fans on in 3…2…1!”
The sound of metal grating against metal screeched out as the huge floor and ceiling fans began to whir into life, their
powerful motors beginning hum in BD1. The rhythmic sound echoed around the steel bunker corridor and the floor trembled gently beneath my paws.
A few moments later, the strange purple smoke began to
dissipate until finally aftur a couple of minutes the room was completely clear, the fans turned off and the only thing left or visible in it was the clock. Standing there in the
centre of the room emanating an extreme sense of smugness, now I know that
sounds odd but if mew’d been there mew’d know exactly what I’m talking
The vibes coming from the room we too purrculiar fur sure,
and I said. “Dudes run some checks before we open the doors, there’s something
real hinky happening here!”
“Do mew feel it too?” Came the response of Amber, Smooch,
Parsley and Pandora.
I shuddered and it felt like ice tipped claws had just raked
along my back. “Yeah, there’s something really wrong about that clock and I’m
just waiting fur CJ to send me his files on it,” I said, before adding.
“Pandora see if Horice will come up here and take a look while we search fur
Pandora raced to the elevator and descended to level 8
emerging into the massive biosphere dome.
“Horice! Horice!” She called in her odd, little foreign
accent. “Horice ve ‘av a situation, Basil needs mew on level 2 stat dude!”
The pawesome lagoon shimmered and reflected the stars
shining high up in the biospheres roof. (The biosphere runs on gmt time and has
daytime and night-time cycles.)
“HORICE!” Pandora screeched as loud as her lungs would
The deep, rich velvet blue water began to ripple, and a
trunk breached the surface and trumpeted loudly.Horice lumbered out of the water, he shook
himself vigorously and covered Pandora in a spray of saltwater.
“Oh dude, did mew really ‘av to do that?” she asked in
exasperation. “Saltwater is hideous on my silky locks, it’ll take me days to
comb out the knots!”
“Oh sorry Pandora,” Horice said with mild bemusement. “I
didn’t see mew there!” (He lied, he knew exactly where she was! MOL) “Now then
young ’un tell me what ye boggle is?”
(FYI we rescued Horice from an island lost in time and
space, he’s a hefflelump, much akin to an elephant apart from he has magickal
powers... oh and as he’s originally from the 1600’s so he talks in pirate-speak,
mew can find out more in our epically epic pirate adventure: The Extraordinary
tales of Captain Basil Blackheart and The Crew of The Crimson Revenge - coming soon in a new book.)
“Horice, Fudge bought a really ugly clock,” Pandora began,
and a few minutes later she finished with. “And now Fudge is missing and that
eveel clock is emanating some kind of veird power signature.”
“Aye little ’un that does be sounding like some hoo doo for
sure,” Horice mused thoughtfully. “Get on me back and I’ll accompany ye to see
Capt’n Basil and hopefully we'll be finding the Artful Fudger.”
Meanwhile in the control room, we were running effury type
of diagnostic programme we had in the bunker to locate Fudge, just in case he’d
wandered off and got lost again [this has happened four times now when he
decided to go off exploring and ended up on levels that aren’t yet mapped, as the
bunker is effur evolving and adding new levels to itself courtesy of some
nano-technology which Humphrey created, and believe me when I tell mew its
expanding by the day.
“Amber is the video feed ready fur playback?” I asked. "And
has CJ sent the info yet?"
“Basil, no on CJ and yes the video will be ready in 2 shakes
of a lambs tail, I’m just getting all the footage ready from the moment Fudge
left the Control Room and headed towards BD1 and then I’m adding the extra
footage from inside BD1 to see exactly what Fudge did before he disappeared,”
Amber answered, her voice shaky.Then
she added. “Mew know I so wish Snowie, Humphrey and Posie were here right now,
Snowie is so much better on comms and surveillance than me!”
The air suddenly chilled by about 15 degrees and a light rainbow coloured mist began to swirl in the centre of the control room.
“Dudes we’ve got a bunker breach!” I called out. “Weapons
ready… and why the fluff didn’t the alarm system sound?”
The swirling mist became denser and more opaque as the
seconds ticked by and then a huge burst of white light radiated out and lit the
room up brighter than a bursting star.I
shielded my eyes and ducked down behind the centre console until the brightness
faded.I took a breath and was about to
leap into action when I heard a familiar voice.
“Fur cods sake Humphrey, next time mew want to break-out of
the Rainbow Bridge dude without the propurr papers, can mew do it a little more
quietly and without the fluffing end-of-the-wurld light-show?” Snowie snapped.
“And get your huge bulk off me, I can’t breathe!”
“Oh hush now Snowie,” Humphrey laughed loudly. “That was the
most impurresive break-out from OTRB they will have effur seen!”
“Humphrey, get offur yourself dude!” Posie groaned. “Besides
I could mention at least 8 other break-outs that were more impurresive than
Humphrey was just about to reply when I dived at the trio,
tears were streaming down my face and I didn’t even realise it in my
offurwhelming joy to see them again.Furgetting that they were in their non-corporeal forms aka ghost-form I
passed right through them and landed on the floor with a thwump.
I rolled offur and said. “Guys, thank cod mew’re here!” At
this point I realised that my fur felt a bit damp and hastily wiped the tears
away with my paw as I holstered my glock with my other paw.
“Basil dude!” Humphrey grinned at me. “Dude, Snowie heard
radio chatter and we just knew mew guys are going to need our help.”
I gave him a rather purrplexed look. “Radio chatter at the
RB, how’s that pawsible?” I asked.
“Oh well mew know, I can get my mittens on some really cool
tech up there and I built a speshal transceiver that picks up earthly realm
frequencies and I calibrated it to specifically listen to yours.” Humphrey
explained his huge grin still in place. [Jeez mew have no idea how much I’ve
missed that grin.]
Parsley said before I could speak, “Awww guys I’m just so
happy to see mew all!”
“Me too,” Smooch agreed wiping a tear away.“And me too,” Amber said with a choking sob.
“Let me get mew theelectro-magnetic field generator and mew guys
can get charged up and become totally corporeal again,” Parsley said starting
towards the door.
“Dude, that tech is so last year,” Humphrey laughed
and waved his paw fur effuryone to see. “I designed these new purrsonal
slim-line corporeal generators, I call it the ‘Earth Me Device’ or EMD fur
short and I’m making a mint with them OTRB, they’re selling faster than
Snowie’s organic catnip crop!”
“Dude, that’s the best!” Parsley said in awe. “Turn
it on, show us!”
Humphrey tapped the OLED screen with his claw and a
picture of a rotating earth appeared on the tiny screen, he tapped it twice and
the next moment instead of looking through a hazy image of him, he was
purrfectly solid, exactly like his old self.
I pounced on him and hugged him so tight, I
couldn’t believe he was back, that they were all back and right when we needed
them. Miracles do happen, and I had neffur been more relieved than I was in
Amber was sobbing as she, Snowie and Posie hugged,
Smooch piled in on them and before I knew we were all in a huge hug pile,
laughing, crying, laughing some more and crying tears of joy.
In fact I don’t know how long that lasted until I
heard a cough and Pandora said. “Er excuse moi, is this a private pawty or can
anypurrdy join in?” she asked in her odd, little foreign accent and jumped into
Horice who was actually too large and would have
purrobably squashed us to death stayed on the outer fringe and used his trunk
to pat our newly escaped fursibs.
“Humphrey ye salty seadog, it be grand that ye came
and Snowie and Posie too, it be a mighty fine day when ye grace us from thee
other worldly realm,” Horice beamed.
We slowly broke apart and there was much
paw-bumping and hugging still happening until I realised that we were in the
middle of a heinous situation. I said soberly. “Guys, dudes how did mew know
that I… no, we needed mew?”
Humphrey sat on his old chair and said. “Basil,
we’ve been monitoring mew guys fur months on the new transceiver and yes I’ll
be selling those too soon, but I digress, the transceiver lets us hear what’s
happening but we can’t broadcast out, it’s a one way affair, so basically we’re
spying on mew dudes… like 24/7!”
“Like mew’re listening to effurything?” Smooch
asked wide-eyed. “Mew didn’t hear when I broke your… oops, I didn’t say that
aloud did I?”
“My custom ATV, that mew crashed into the tree down
the field and it blew up?” Humphrey teased.
Smooch gulped. “Sorry about that dude, I didn’t
know mew’d supurr-charged the engine and it just kinda got away from me!” he
apologised as he blushed beetroot red.
“No worries little buddy, I’ve got another one part
built on level 12, so it’s all good,” Humphrey beamed. “And actually I didn’t
like the paint finish on that one, so mew did me a favour!”
Smooch let a huge sigh. “Thanks Humphrey, I was
going to hit Parsley up fur a loan to pay fur a new one.”
“Furget it, besides we’ve got bigger purroblems at
paw because Fudge is AWOL and MIA and there’s a storm raging outside that
rivals the one Noah was in, so we’ve come back to help!” Humphrey said.
I let out a breath that I didn’t know I was holding
in and said. “B Team take your stations and let’s find Fudge!”
~ Chapter Five ~
Hoo Doo and Hocus
Snowie turned on her EMD enabling
full corporeal mode like Humphrey and sat in her old seat at the comms
desk.She began tapping furiously on the
keyboard and moments later the video feed popped up on effury single monitor in
the control room.
We watched as Fudge ambled towards the store cupboard on
level one to retrieve the dust-sheets, but just as he was about to open the
door, he paused; ears pricked and began to look around the empty corridor.
“Snowie is there any sound footage?” I asked.
“Calibrating Basil,” she answered efficiently.
Hitting another button, the video feed stopped and then
started again and this time we heard the most chilling voice. It was harsh, yet
soft. Grating, yet smooth. Creepy, yet soothing. It whispered. “Fudge help me!”
Offur and offur again.
We watched as Fudge peered around, he said nothing but his
face spoke volumes, it was like he was in a trance.The voice seemed to fade in and out, just
feint whispers of cod knows what and Fudge followed it all the way to BD1, where
he opened the door and headed straight to the grandfather clock as the door
sealed behind him.
Snowie zoomed in on the footage and there was a collective
gasp in the control room as the pendulum door creaked open and a gnarled,
clawed hand reached out from inside and grabbed Fudge roughly.
Suddenly snapping out of his reverie, he tried to fight the
clawed hand that seemed to have grown and now had Fudges entire body in its
clutches.Fudge went berserk, lashing
out his claws and fangs slicing the vile hand to ribbons, but it still didn’t let go and
the room began to fill with purple smoke billowing from the clock and then
there was nothing once the room had been vented.
“Play it again Snowie purrlease,” I asked. “In supurr slo-mo
Posie was staring hard at her monitor and said. “Snowie can
you get a better image of the clock face, there’s something going off there?”
More footage began to roll.
Horice stood outside BD1 and was
studying the clock closely through the glass portal in the securely sealed
door. He let his magick ju-ju [yes that is really a real thing] begin to filter
into the front of his mind and as he did so a huge, glittering sapphire jewel
popped out of his forehead [yes this is also real] and it began to pulse,
radiating shards of dazzling blue light into BD1.
Pandora was purrrched on his trunk as he’d elevated her to
window height. She tapped her comms headset and said. “Basil, can mew see
this?Turn on the live feed fur BD1.”
The shafts of iridescent blue light became more intense and
danced all around BD1 as Horice scanned the clock.He took a huge intake of breath and his trunk
slipped, Pandora jumped to the ground and the light show stopped abruptly.
“Horice vhat is wrong my furriend?” Pandora asked gently
patting his leg.
He gasped and took another rasping breath. “It’s… it’s…” he
faltered as he stumbled and sat on his ginormous derriere with a plop. “It’s
not of this world, it's so bad... I can't... NO!!!!”
“Basil, this is vurse than ve thought!” Pandora said into
her comms unit.
“Pandora I’m sending Parsley and
Smooch to help mew with Horice, they’ll bring his glider-platform, bring him
back here.” I said trying to keep the apprehension from my voice.
Parsley and Smooch headed out of
the control room and I said. “Oh heck, this isn’t looking good guys!”
Amber suddenly said. “Basil CJ has just sent a file to your
purrsonal email, do mew want me to retrieve and open it here, or do mew want to
open it privately?”
“Amber open it here, effuryone needs to see what that
slippery FIB Director has set us up with!" I said in a low growl, trying
to keep my bubbling anger under control.
Amber tapped a few keys on the console panel and the files
streamed onto the control room monitors. There was a video file and I said.
"Amber open the video furst and then print all the other files."
A moment later CJ's face appeared larger than life on the
multiple screens. He said. "Agent Basil, I know mew're retired but this is
a matter of global security and off-world security.Purrlease furgive my underpawed approach to
enlist the help of mew and The B Team.It was not my intention to dupe or deceive mew, but at this juncture I
feel that I purrobably should have approached matters in a more upfront manner, " he took a huge sigh, his shoulders sagging and continued. "The
grandfather clock that is now in your possession is a highly dangerous artifact
with extraordinary powers.It leads to a
place that no-one has effur returned from, a labyrinth if mew like with lots of
different levels and challenges to offurcome to reach the centre, and what is
at the centre, nopurrdy knows.I have
lost many a good agent inside that confounded and deadly thing. The footage mew
are about to see is from the camera feed of the last agent who entered and it
The video footage continued; An agent who I didn't know was
in a sealed hazmat room with the clock, the view was from a camera placed
dead-centre on his chest, so we had the cats-eye-view.The eerie voice began to speak again, just
like it had to Fudge and the agent stepped closer and closer to the clock. The
door sprung open and the gnarled, clawed hand shot out and plucked the agent
into the clock.It was that fast. We
could hear the agents blood-chilling screams of terror as he entered a black
void in the grip some monstrous beast.
"Stop the video, STOP THE VIDEO!" Snowie cried out
and ran from the room.
Posie was quick to follow and that left just me, Amber and
Humphrey.I could hear the
squeaking of Horice's platform headed our way.
"Humphrey moved closer to me and said quietly.
"Basil dude, that didn't look good at all, and that's where Fudge
I nodded, "He's been in there 53 minutes and we need to
go get him out stat! There's nothing on this planet that will stop me from
retrieving Fudge and any other purrson that's still alive in there."
"But Basil, we don't know if they're dead or alive, and
from what CJ said, no-one has effur returned!" Humphrey reasoned.
"Humphrey, mew of all cats should know we never leave
our own, I'm not breaking that rule now and we will do whateffur we can to
retrieve Fudge from that hell-pit spawn!" I answered through gritted
Horice suddenly appeared, he was on his side, flat out on
his transport trolley. "Cap'n Basil ye shipmate Fudge is still alive... in
what condition I can't tell ye, but I have to tell ye that whatever 'as him in
its clutches is such an ancient and powerful evil that it freaked the bejeezus out of me, I 'av never felt such power and the worse thing was that it knew I was
scanning the clock and its inner dimensions... it tried to take me powers and
that’s why I 'ad to disconnect..."
"OK guys, the good news is this, Fudge is still
alive!" I breathed a whopping sigh of relief. "Horice big dude, thank
mew and before I get the dudes to return mew to level 8 is there anything else
mew can tell us? Like can we take anything through the portal with us, like guns and stuff?"
The Hefflelump took a breath and said softly. "Ye'll
need your wits about ye in that place Cap'n Basil..." And then he passed
"Oh heck!" I spat and then said a little more
calmly. "Guys take Horice down to level 8 and make sure he has effurything
he needs, get Posie to give him a medical check too and we'll reconvene here
stat, when hopefully we have some kind of plan wurked out."
"Basil, come here," Amber requested.I went and stood by her console and saw that
she was watching the rest of the video feed from CJ. "It seems mew can
take stuff through... look." She tapped the screen with her paw.
It showed a place like no other I'd effur experienced or seen; the
sky was black. Flat black, yet the light in the hell-spawn place was reminiscent of an ordinary offur-cast
day here in Mewton-Clawson.There was a
grimy, unkempt labyrinth that stretched fur miles in effury direction and the
agent was still conscious [we could hear him breathing] as the clawed hand
released its vice-like grip and dropped him from a height.He landed atop of one of the walls, but it
was domed and at least 5 to 6 feet thick, and was coated with something so slick
and greasy that he couldn't get any purchase as he began to slide into the
terrifying grey abyss below.He landed
with a soft thwump and looked upwards.The walls were at least 25 feet high and covered in living and rotting
vegetation, there was so much foul detritus littering the floor that it was
hard to see the huge, roughly-hewn stone slabs which paved the labyrinth.
A ear-splitting scream suddenly broke the silence and echoed
around the maze.The agent gasped in terror, running away from the
noise and hid behind a thick curtain of purple looking ivy which was growing out of the wall and along the ground like a thick carpet.He kept trying his comms unit but soon
realised that he couldn't receive, only maybe broadcast out and he said. "Fur
all those poor souls that come here aftur me, I hope my death won't be in
Aftur waiting fur a few minutes, hardly daring to breath as he listened intently, he suddenly began to run along the stretch of corridor he was on and
stopped abruptly when he came to an offshoot.
"Amber, Amber!" I said as I had an idea. "Mew
know just before the clawed thing drops him, we get a wide-angled view of the
maze can mew zoom in and map it?"
Amber took a breath and said. "Basil, Snowie is the the
wiz at that... wait here I'll go ask her, she's purrobably feeling better aftur
Posie got her a nice cup of nip tea."
I nodded and sat in Amber's seat as I continued to watch the
video with Humphrey at my back.He said.
"Dude, I'm sorry and yes mew're right, we neffur leave one of our own to
an unknown fate."
I turned and looked at my older brofur and gave him the nod.
"I know Humphrey, and I do understand why mew said it, this mission could
be the last The B Team effur make."
He put his paw on my shoulder and gave a gentle squeeze.
"Dude, if anyone can save Fudge and any others, it's us, so let's do
Horice woke up on the soft, powdery sand next to his blue
lagoon.Posie had given him the once
offur and in her medical opinion deemed he was fine, though in need of sustenance aftur the psychic
power struggle with the thing in the labyrinth.
"I need a banana," Horice mumbled.
"At your service dude," Smooch beamed as he and
Parsley were dragging the largest fruit platter mew've effur seen towards him.
"I hope mew don't mind but we got mew a mixed fruit salad."
Horice chuckled and clambered rather unsteadily to his
feet.Parsley held out a banana and
Horice took it with his trunk and ate it.15 bananas, 5 pineapples, 7 melons and a bucket full of strawberries
later Horice said. "Thank ye little furriends, I be feeling much better
now, I can feel that me blood sugar levels are returning to normal!"
He headed to a small freshwater waterfall that cascaded into
the lagoon and drank deeply before he returned to Smooch, Pandora, Posie and
"Before ye go, I 'ave to tell ye this," he said
somberly. "That thing in thee labyrinth will be extremely 'ard to
dispatch, it be one of thee original Old Ones and draws its power from a source
at the centre of thee maze, if ye can get there and destroy the source then
ye'll destroy all the evil, but the journey through the maze will be fraught
with danger, there's things in there that makes me trunk want to curl up and
"Horice," Posie said gently. "Mew need to
rest big dude and I've attached a call button to your front ankle, so if mew
need me, just say the wurds Posie On Call and it'll page me, ok? And I'll be
down here in a jiffy!"
Horice nodded and ambled towards the jungly tree line which
stretched around two thirds of the biosphere.He'd made himself a huge nest from the straw-bales we took took down there and lay down to
Pandora looked at Posie and asked. "Is he really
Posie replied. "Physically yes, magickally I don't know
yet, so it's best to let him rest and I'll assess him later. But now I think we
need to find out what Basil's plan of attack is, come guys let's go."
Snowie was in the bunker canteen sipping nip tea from a
china cup.She saw Amber and smiled,
"It is so good to be home," she said as Amber sat next to her.
"Thank cod mew're here!" Amber replied reaching out and taking Snowie's paw in her own. "Are
mew feeling better?"
Snowie nodded and drank the last of her tea. "Yes I'm
feeling much better, I think Humphrey's wild escape took it out of me and then
seeing that eveel thing take Fudge was just too much, but I'm ready to get
back to business." She didn't add that she'd been having nightmares the
last few days and that they were of a eveel labyrinth where only really bad things
"Oh that's great because we need mew to map that
labyrinth," Amber sighed with relief.Before Amber could say another wurd, Snowie was almost out of the door
and headed back towards the Control Room. "Come on then!" she said
with grim determination.
A few minutes later they entered the Control Room and Snowie
sat at her console and began tapping away on the keyboard.
"It's rendering now," she said. "Though I
don't know how comprehensive a map it will be given the limited view we have
and the fact that we can only see the top portion, who knows what could be
lurking in there!"
"Snowie, just get what mew can, anything will
help," I replied.
"I should be able to give mew a 3D schematic too, so
mew will have a better indication where the dead-ends are from what we can
see... I'll also run a diagnostic to see if there's a pattern to how the maze is
constructed and if there is, I can fill in what we can't see."
"Now that would be pawesome!" Humphrey said.
"But I can bet one of my next 9 lives that it's booby-trapped!"
I nodded. "Oh I totally agree, but if we have some sort
of map and from the brief view we had we can see to what looks like a tower in the
centre, if we can get there undetected, find Fudge and anypurrdy else and then
get the freak outta that place, it'll be a good day."
"How are we gonna destroy it Basil?" Humphrey
asked. "Because once we've done the rescue mission, we can't leave a place
like that fur anypurrdy else to fall into can we?"
I nodded in agreement and said."Humphrey, we have to destroy it, but whether it can be destroyed
in its entirety we won't know that until we get there."
"While Snowie finishes her map, I'm going to my lab to
see what goodies I can bring along."
"Yep don't furget the C4," I called as he ambled
out of the door.
"Basil dude, I've been wurking on something much better
than C4!" Humphrey laughed.
"Sounds great dude, get a bag full ready to go!" I
I ran to my private office and opened the video file on my
PC and picked up at the point we'd left off in the Control Room;The agent was breathing hard, gasping fur
breath as he continued to run along the off-shoot passage, ahead in the gloom a
blue mist began to billow from rusted, dripping pipes high up on the walls.The eerie mist grew and rolled in a giant
swell towards the agent, he stopped dead in his tracks and ducked behind a pile
of rubble.He held his breath as eking
vapour tendrils lashed out from the mist at the walls and floor as it rolled
forwards, getting closer and closer to his hiding place.
He said in a terrified whisper. "If this is my last
transmission may Bast have mercy on my soul!"
The mist was only feet away from him and deep within the
cascading miasma light flashed like mini lightning bolts and it emitted an
electrical hum.The tendrils we're
combing effury inch of the walls and floor, as little sparks cracked and
sizzled when they touched decaying matter and putrid puddles in their quest to
find new prey.
The agent took a deep breath and waited.The mist suddenly filled the screen, a
high-pitched zap sounded and then there was nothing. No sound, no vision, just
I let the footage keep playing and then realised that even
though the screen was black the video was still recording.Then I hit the fast-forward button... 1
minute... 2 minutes... 3 minutes...4
minutes... I kept my paw on that button and at 17 minutes and 42 seconds the
I was agog at what I saw, and nearly had a cat-niption [like
a conniption only a cat version and no, there was no catnip involved
whatsoeffur] I couldn't quite believe what I was seeing. My eyes bugged and I
couldn't catch my breath.I blinked
several times, opened my eyes but the view was still the same.I rubbed my eyes most vigorously and then
checked again, it was the same, finally I reached into the bottom draw of my
desk and retrieved the rather special bottle of Nip Scotch that I kept in their
fur medicinal purrposes only and took a huge swig.Gulping it down and then burping rather
loudly I turned back to the screen and it was still there.
"Oh jumping jelly fish covered in spikes this can't
be true!" I yelled and then just because I needed to, I roared; it was so primal and so savage, in fact it actually even scared the bejeezus out of me.
A few moments later my office door burst and Humphrey,
Amber, Pandora, Snowie, Smooch, Parsley and Smooch [did I miss anyone?] almost
fell offur themselves to see what my boggle was, landing in a rather ungainly
heap on my furry plush handmade Furrsian rug.
"Dude, what the fluff is going on?" Humphrey
shouted the loudest.
Waving my arms like a mad-cat possessed as I just couldn't
find the wurds to say what I needed, so I took another massive swig of my
medicinal Nip Scotch, swallowed and jabbed my claw at my computer monitor.
OH MY COD!
See mew same time, same place next week fur the next thrilling chapters