Welcome to
Featuring a rerun of our bonkers time-travelling pirate adventure
The Extraordinary Voyages of Cap'n Basil Blackheart and his Motley Crew
aboard
The Crimson Revenge
Arrrrr and greetings wunderpurr pals
Welcome to the 3rd episode of our pirate adventure rerun; immerse yourselves in the heart of the action and let it unfold right before your very eyes, and just in case mew missed anything, here are the links for the last 2 epically epic episodes:
A quick recap
The Crimson Revenge limped, for want of a better wurd, towards the shore, and we headed towards a small, secluded cove and dropped the anchor. Luckily, we still had one.
After what had seemed like an unreal ordeal, I finally took a deep breath and exhaled slowly, letting the angst wash off me.
Then the reality dawned on me;
Where the flip were we, and how the heck were we going to get home?
This was only the beginning of our troubles. Then, just when I thought it couldn't get any wurse, we were all roused out of our shock by the sudden and violent shaking of the trees on the nearby beach as a horrifically loud trumpeting blare reverberated around the cove.
It sent shivers down me timbers and rattled my drawers.
Smooch was trembling as he asked. "Basil, what on earth was that?"
I stared at the beach watching the trees intently, and I swear I saw a column of black smoke swirl just out of the tree line before it disappeared into the dense jungle.
I swallowed hard and tried to keep my voice steady. "Smooch, I think it was monkeys!" I lied.
"And Cut!"
After what had seemed like an unreal ordeal, I finally took a deep breath and exhaled slowly, letting the angst wash off me.
Then the reality dawned on me;
Where the flip were we, and how the heck were we going to get home?
This was only the beginning of our troubles. Then, just when I thought it couldn't get any wurse, we were all roused out of our shock by the sudden and violent shaking of the trees on the nearby beach as a horrifically loud trumpeting blare reverberated around the cove.
It sent shivers down me timbers and rattled my drawers.
Smooch was trembling as he asked. "Basil, what on earth was that?"
I stared at the beach watching the trees intently, and I swear I saw a column of black smoke swirl just out of the tree line before it disappeared into the dense jungle.
I swallowed hard and tried to keep my voice steady. "Smooch, I think it was monkeys!" I lied.
"And Cut!"
So hold ye fast mateys, as we're in for a wild ride today
Aharr
Part III ~ The Landing Pawty
"And Action!"
We moored The Crimson Revenge in the secluded cove and headed for dry land in the rowboat. At first glance, it appeared rather idyllic, but from past experience, I knew about things that seemed too good to be true; in other words, they usually weren't.
Humphrey, Amber and Posie stayed aboard The Crimson Revenge, as also from past experience I've found it most prudent to always leave some crew put while mew go exploring, as mew never know what might be waiting on board to surprise mew when mew get back. Plus, they could start the clean up. Humphrey needed something to keep him occupied before he found the nip stash and fell back into his nip coma.
Anyhoo, I'm digressing. So there we were, a landing pawty of four. Myself, Smooch, Snowie and Parsley. It didn't take two shakes of a lamb's tail until our sturdy rowboat hit the shallows and then the sandy shore. I leapt out, my paws landing with a small splash in the surprisingly warm water.
"Hmmmmm.... seems pleasant enough," I commented, ambling onto the soft, silky sand and taking in the relaxing tropical island vibe, obviously looking for the best location for my hammock.
"Hmmmmm.... seems pleasant enough," I commented, ambling onto the soft, silky sand and taking in the relaxing tropical island vibe, obviously looking for the best location for my hammock.
Smooch and Parsley tied the rowboat to a rock protruding out of the golden sand, and then Snowie disembarked.
It was at that precise moment the terrifying, blaring trumpeting sound began again, and the beach shook beneath our paws as a huge column of black smoke rose above the tree line. There was the awful sound of fully grown trees snapping and splintering as though they were mere twigs, and I gulped.
"Run for cover," I shouted and headed off in the opposite direction to the noise.
It was at that precise moment the terrifying, blaring trumpeting sound began again, and the beach shook beneath our paws as a huge column of black smoke rose above the tree line. There was the awful sound of fully grown trees snapping and splintering as though they were mere twigs, and I gulped.
"Run for cover," I shouted and headed off in the opposite direction to the noise.
I legged it down the beach, dived behind a pile of rocks and crouched down, my breathing was hard, and my heart was hammering frantically as I wundered what was coming for us.
From my now hidden position, I could see that Parsley and Snowie had jumped back into the rowing boat and were paddling like demons possessed out to sea. When they were just far enough offshore, they stopped and gave me a friendly little wave.
"Darn it! Darn it and double darn it!" I muttered angrily, although I couldn't blame them, as it felt like an earthquake was happening.
Taking out my supurr compact telescope, I extended it fully, scanning the tree line from my hiding place when Smooch suddenly popped up between the lower rocks and scared the literal bejeezus out of me.
"Pssst! Psssst!" he whispered urgently.
"What the fluff?"I hissed, nearly jumping out of my fur, launching the telescope skywards. "Where the heck did mew come from?"
He gave me his bestest cheeky grin. "I was hot on your heels all the way, mew don't think I'm going to be missing out on any of the action, do mew?"
I shook my head in utter dismay, catching the falling spyglass in my paw and wishing that Smooch had been in the rowing boat too. "Of course not," I replied with mild annoyance as I lifted it to my eye again and began to survey the jungle again.
The noise had stopped abruptly as it had started, but then, as I followed the length of the beach, I spied the black smoke emerging from the dense tree line and out into full view on the beach.
I swallowed hard. "Get down, Smooch," I hissed as I ducked behind the rocks.
The smoke swirled and spiralled most devilishly and unnaturally that it made my blood run cold as I peeked out not daring to take my eyes from it, and right now if it came our way we'd have no choice but to run for the jungle, and running into an unknown jungle blindly is one of the most stupid things mew could effur do, trust me; been there, done that before, I do not recommend it on any level.
"Smooch," I whispered as a crazy idea came to me. "If that thing comes our way, I'll distract it and mew head for Snowie and Parsley, ok?"
"But..." he protested rather vehemently. "Mew said it was only monkeys."
"No buts and I lied about the monkeys... we have no idea what that thing is or what it can do," I answered firmly. "Now that's an order."
He hung his head, muttering several unspeakables under his breath, but then conceded and gave me a brief nod.
"Good, now keep low," I said as I crawled through the sand for a better look.
The black smoke had almost reached the water's edge when it suddenly started to grow bigger, denser and swirled faster and faster, like a mini-tornado.
"Leaping leprechauns," I shuddered and pondered the possibilities.
Just as I had begun to formulate a plan, a glowing sphere burst from the swirling black smoke, and it was followed by the most unbelievable thing I'd ever seen: blue sparks of electricity filled the cloud. There was a brief implosion of searing aqua light, and then I was rendered totally speechless.
The glowing sphere landed in the shallows with a splash, and a newly visible, huge, grey beast took a tentative step to the ocean's edge.
I rubbed my eyes in disbelief, then I double-checked through the telescope, and this is exactly what I saw...
The Heffle-lump was engrossed in watching the strange, glowing sphere splashing with a life of its own in the shallow water. Taking tentative steps forward, not taking my eyes from the scene in front of me, a ginormous sapphire gemstone appeared from nowhere and sat glittering on the beast's forehead. I was completely pawestruck at the twinkling jewel, and by my estimation, it would be worth at least enough to buy a small country in today's money and have some change left for some serious redecoration and a small army too.
"Wow, now that's furry impressive," I murmured as I approached the softly lapping water about ten feet away, and then stuck my sword into the sand by some rocks.
I edged closer and sat down on the warm sand; it felt really good, and for an instant, images of monster-sized litter boxes filled my mind. (Don't ask me why I was imagining that at this moment, as I'm also furry purrplexed at this!)
A few minutes passed, and nothing happened. Finally, I cleared my throat rather noisily, and the Heffle-lump stared straight at me, unblinking, with no tell of what it might do. Having absolutely nothing to lose at this point, I lifted a paw, waved in a non-threatening manner and said in a right propurr and polite manner. "Greetings, oh great bejewelled beast!"
It stared at me and said nothing.
"Sprecken ze Anglish?" I tried.
No response.
"Parle vous de Engle-ish?" I asked.
Nothing.
"Hablas Espanol-eeez?" I persevered.
Nada.
Finally, with nothing left to lose, I tried classic 16th-century pirate-speak. "Arrrrrrr, me hearty beast, do ye be understanding me... arrrrrr?"
Its trunk shot up, and it trumpeted so loudly I thought my ears would fall off. Then it spoke, its voice was deep and resonating. "Arrrrrr me hearty little one, I understand thee very well."
If mew'd flipped me sideways, rolled me in treacle and sprinkled nip sugar all over me, I couldn't have been any more surprised. In fact, I couldn't believe it, the Heffle-lump actually understood and had replied, this was epic on so many levels.
"Arrrrrrr, I be Cap'n Basil Blackheart," I said, not wanting to lose the momentum. "And that be me beautiful ship, The Crimson Revenge," I pointed out into the bay at the battered excuse for a sea-worthy vessel. "Me and me scurvy crew, ran into a mighty rum storm 'n ended up on this fair 'n pleasant shore... arrrrrr."
The Heffle-lump seemed to digest this information and then replied. "That be the Tempest o' thee ill Winds that brung ye to my shore, ye'll be here for some time as that be the way o' thee storm."
It was my turn to digest the information. "How long exactly... arrrrrr?"
"It be hard to tell," answered the Heffle-lump. "Could be o' day, could be o' year, could be longer still... if ye survive..." then added. "Me name be Horice, I be the last Keeper o' thee Secret Pagoda."
I glanced at Smooch several times to see him on more than one of these occasions, waving his paws about like a loony. It took a moment, and then I realised he was using semaphore signals and watched him more closely.
Deciphering his message, I replayed it in my mind. 'Basil get the fluff out of there, there's an army of pygmy tortoises just o'ways up the beach...' (the word pygmy's took some getting I might add).
I gave Smooch the thumbs up, as best a cat can do, thumbs up and spoke again. "Arrrrrr Horice me hearty heffle-lump, me crewmate, Peg-Leg Smooch who be hiding like a big-gurls-blouse behind them rocks o'er yonder says we 'av company in the guise of a posse o' pygmy tortoises, what do ye know of these small, shelled folk...arrrrrr?
Horice's eyes bulged, and he glanced over his shoulder towards the unimaginably slow but nevertheless approaching, relentless horde.
"Cap'n Basil, we be 'aving a problem," he said rather worriedly. "They be a deadly horde o' ravenous, pygmy cannibal tor-tye, we should be skedaddling smartly before they get o'er here or they'll be picking our bones clean in no time."
I stared in utter amazement at the army of green armoured shells, painted in brightly coloured yellow, blue and white pigment, closing the gap between us in eye-watering slowness and burst out laughing.
"Horice, ye be jesting me, pulling me rigging aye?"
Horice shook his head solemnly. "Na,y Cap'n Basil, they be the most devious, menacing little blighters, savvy?"
I shook my head.
"They do thee approaching real slow like, lulling ye into a false security, then at thee last few yards while ye be laughing ye boots off at thee absurdity of it, thee charge at speed ye'll no'er see coming, and before ye know it, ye'll be trussed up tighter than a wench in a bodice at thee Inn of ill Repute, and be on ye way to thee pot for o'boilin'!"
I tipped me hat back and scratched me, sorry, my head in sheer perplexment as I carefully monitored the progress of the advancing horde. I wandered to my sword, pulled it free of the sand and turned to face Horice.
"What do ye suggest to solve this puzzling predicament... arrrrrrr? I asked thoughtfully.
Horice glanced over his shoulder again, trumpeted really loudly and screamed, "RUN YE SCALLYWAGS... RUN!"
At that precise moment, the shelled army began to speed up.
"And Cut!"
Where the fluff are mew?
What the heck is a Heffle-lump?
And really, pygmy cannibal tor-tye's? REALLY?
Again, where the fluff are mew?
Are mew and the crew going to be tasty delicacies for an army of graffiti-covered tortoises?
How will mew outrun this new threat?
How fast do they run, seriously?
Can they swim too?
Like seriously, OMC, this is seriously serious! OMC, this is more suspenseful than 'LOST', they only had polar bears to deal with!
What other threats lurk on this seemingly idyllic island?
From my now hidden position, I could see that Parsley and Snowie had jumped back into the rowing boat and were paddling like demons possessed out to sea. When they were just far enough offshore, they stopped and gave me a friendly little wave.
"Darn it! Darn it and double darn it!" I muttered angrily, although I couldn't blame them, as it felt like an earthquake was happening.
Taking out my supurr compact telescope, I extended it fully, scanning the tree line from my hiding place when Smooch suddenly popped up between the lower rocks and scared the literal bejeezus out of me.
"Pssst! Psssst!" he whispered urgently.
"What the fluff?"I hissed, nearly jumping out of my fur, launching the telescope skywards. "Where the heck did mew come from?"
He gave me his bestest cheeky grin. "I was hot on your heels all the way, mew don't think I'm going to be missing out on any of the action, do mew?"
I shook my head in utter dismay, catching the falling spyglass in my paw and wishing that Smooch had been in the rowing boat too. "Of course not," I replied with mild annoyance as I lifted it to my eye again and began to survey the jungle again.
The noise had stopped abruptly as it had started, but then, as I followed the length of the beach, I spied the black smoke emerging from the dense tree line and out into full view on the beach.
I swallowed hard. "Get down, Smooch," I hissed as I ducked behind the rocks.
The smoke swirled and spiralled most devilishly and unnaturally that it made my blood run cold as I peeked out not daring to take my eyes from it, and right now if it came our way we'd have no choice but to run for the jungle, and running into an unknown jungle blindly is one of the most stupid things mew could effur do, trust me; been there, done that before, I do not recommend it on any level.
"Smooch," I whispered as a crazy idea came to me. "If that thing comes our way, I'll distract it and mew head for Snowie and Parsley, ok?"
"But..." he protested rather vehemently. "Mew said it was only monkeys."
"No buts and I lied about the monkeys... we have no idea what that thing is or what it can do," I answered firmly. "Now that's an order."
He hung his head, muttering several unspeakables under his breath, but then conceded and gave me a brief nod.
"Good, now keep low," I said as I crawled through the sand for a better look.
The black smoke had almost reached the water's edge when it suddenly started to grow bigger, denser and swirled faster and faster, like a mini-tornado.
"Leaping leprechauns," I shuddered and pondered the possibilities.
Just as I had begun to formulate a plan, a glowing sphere burst from the swirling black smoke, and it was followed by the most unbelievable thing I'd ever seen: blue sparks of electricity filled the cloud. There was a brief implosion of searing aqua light, and then I was rendered totally speechless.
The glowing sphere landed in the shallows with a splash, and a newly visible, huge, grey beast took a tentative step to the ocean's edge.
I rubbed my eyes in disbelief, then I double-checked through the telescope, and this is exactly what I saw...
... a flipping great, big Heffle-lump. "My god," I breathed as Smooch took a peek.
"Basil, what is that thing?" he asked, his voice quivering.
"That young Smooch is a Heffle-lump," I answered.
He nudged me, and I turned to see his mightily puzzled expression. "What is one of those?" he asked.
* * *
I took a breath and remembered back to my days as a secret agent in the F.I.B., aka the Field Intelligence Bureau, when I was working on a case. Obviously, due to its classified nature, I can't reveal all the details, but needless to say, I came across a very valuable book, and not just any valuable book. This particular volume, which fell into my paws, was called 'The Secret World' by Dr H. P. Sawce, a wurld-renowned explorer from the 1600s, who documented a journal of the rarest creatures gracing our planet. I read the book at the time and now remembered its opening passage;
'Twas a strange night, the sea had been calm when we left port on the high tide, but twas not too much later when we were struck by such a malady, it can hardly be explained without one thinking either I am a liar or much worse, a lunatic. A whirlpool of significant proportions caught our sailing vessel in its vicious current, and after the ship nearly being crushed and sinking, I and a handful of survivors washed up on the shore of an unknown land. As far as I can tell, the year is still 1683, as the constellations are still recognisable. That is the only good news right now.'
I took a sharp intake of breath as I remembered another passage.
'Twould seem that this foreign land is of an origin not known to modern man, as the beasts and creatures that inhabit this mysterious island have not been documented anywhere in the modern worlde thus far to my knowledge, and I have spent my entire life in the research of such things with the most esteemed teachers of my time.'
My mind raced as I began to ponder the possibilities again.
* * *
"Smooch," I said suddenly. "Would mew wait here while I go and have a little parle with that?" I pointed towards the Heffle-lump with my sword.
Smooch's eyes nearly pinged out on stalks. "Mew want to go and talk to it?" Smooch almost choked on the wurds.
I nodded. "Yep, won't be a mo... wait there..." and I headed off down the beach towards the huge creature.
I flipped my hat around as I approached the fabled beast, not wanting to create a bad impression with the skull and crossbones emblem. Turning briefly, I gave Smooch a taut smile and a little wave and saw his shocked expression as he crouched low behind the rocks.
"Wow, now that's furry impressive," I murmured as I approached the softly lapping water about ten feet away, and then stuck my sword into the sand by some rocks.
I edged closer and sat down on the warm sand; it felt really good, and for an instant, images of monster-sized litter boxes filled my mind. (Don't ask me why I was imagining that at this moment, as I'm also furry purrplexed at this!)
A few minutes passed, and nothing happened. Finally, I cleared my throat rather noisily, and the Heffle-lump stared straight at me, unblinking, with no tell of what it might do. Having absolutely nothing to lose at this point, I lifted a paw, waved in a non-threatening manner and said in a right propurr and polite manner. "Greetings, oh great bejewelled beast!"
It stared at me and said nothing.
"Sprecken ze Anglish?" I tried.
No response.
"Parle vous de Engle-ish?" I asked.
Nothing.
"Hablas Espanol-eeez?" I persevered.
Nada.
Finally, with nothing left to lose, I tried classic 16th-century pirate-speak. "Arrrrrrr, me hearty beast, do ye be understanding me... arrrrrr?"
Its trunk shot up, and it trumpeted so loudly I thought my ears would fall off. Then it spoke, its voice was deep and resonating. "Arrrrrr me hearty little one, I understand thee very well."
If mew'd flipped me sideways, rolled me in treacle and sprinkled nip sugar all over me, I couldn't have been any more surprised. In fact, I couldn't believe it, the Heffle-lump actually understood and had replied, this was epic on so many levels.
"Arrrrrrr, I be Cap'n Basil Blackheart," I said, not wanting to lose the momentum. "And that be me beautiful ship, The Crimson Revenge," I pointed out into the bay at the battered excuse for a sea-worthy vessel. "Me and me scurvy crew, ran into a mighty rum storm 'n ended up on this fair 'n pleasant shore... arrrrrr."
The Heffle-lump seemed to digest this information and then replied. "That be the Tempest o' thee ill Winds that brung ye to my shore, ye'll be here for some time as that be the way o' thee storm."
It was my turn to digest the information. "How long exactly... arrrrrr?"
"It be hard to tell," answered the Heffle-lump. "Could be o' day, could be o' year, could be longer still... if ye survive..." then added. "Me name be Horice, I be the last Keeper o' thee Secret Pagoda."
I glanced at Smooch several times to see him on more than one of these occasions, waving his paws about like a loony. It took a moment, and then I realised he was using semaphore signals and watched him more closely.
Deciphering his message, I replayed it in my mind. 'Basil get the fluff out of there, there's an army of pygmy tortoises just o'ways up the beach...' (the word pygmy's took some getting I might add).
I gave Smooch the thumbs up, as best a cat can do, thumbs up and spoke again. "Arrrrrr Horice me hearty heffle-lump, me crewmate, Peg-Leg Smooch who be hiding like a big-gurls-blouse behind them rocks o'er yonder says we 'av company in the guise of a posse o' pygmy tortoises, what do ye know of these small, shelled folk...arrrrrr?
Horice's eyes bulged, and he glanced over his shoulder towards the unimaginably slow but nevertheless approaching, relentless horde.
"Cap'n Basil, we be 'aving a problem," he said rather worriedly. "They be a deadly horde o' ravenous, pygmy cannibal tor-tye, we should be skedaddling smartly before they get o'er here or they'll be picking our bones clean in no time."
I stared in utter amazement at the army of green armoured shells, painted in brightly coloured yellow, blue and white pigment, closing the gap between us in eye-watering slowness and burst out laughing.
"Horice, ye be jesting me, pulling me rigging aye?"
Horice shook his head solemnly. "Na,y Cap'n Basil, they be the most devious, menacing little blighters, savvy?"
I shook my head.
"They do thee approaching real slow like, lulling ye into a false security, then at thee last few yards while ye be laughing ye boots off at thee absurdity of it, thee charge at speed ye'll no'er see coming, and before ye know it, ye'll be trussed up tighter than a wench in a bodice at thee Inn of ill Repute, and be on ye way to thee pot for o'boilin'!"
I tipped me hat back and scratched me, sorry, my head in sheer perplexment as I carefully monitored the progress of the advancing horde. I wandered to my sword, pulled it free of the sand and turned to face Horice.
"What do ye suggest to solve this puzzling predicament... arrrrrrr? I asked thoughtfully.
Horice glanced over his shoulder again, trumpeted really loudly and screamed, "RUN YE SCALLYWAGS... RUN!"
At that precise moment, the shelled army began to speed up.
"And Cut!"
Guy's, we're doing it again and leaving mew in all in acute, harrowing suspense with a new threat hot [well tepid at the moment] on our heels, but mew know that's the drill! MOL
The questions are piling up at a rate of knots, such as:
The questions are piling up at a rate of knots, such as:
Where the fluff are mew?
What the heck is a Heffle-lump?
And really, pygmy cannibal tor-tye's? REALLY?
Again, where the fluff are mew?
Are mew and the crew going to be tasty delicacies for an army of graffiti-covered tortoises?
How will mew outrun this new threat?
How fast do they run, seriously?
Can they swim too?
Like seriously, OMC, this is seriously serious! OMC, this is more suspenseful than 'LOST', they only had polar bears to deal with!
What other threats lurk on this seemingly idyllic island?
If mew have any questions, feel free to ask!
Hearty purrs!
Hearty purrs!
If mew want to keep reading this epically exciting adventure, we'll be back on Monday with Part 4. Until then...
Cap'n Basil & the Crew of The Crimson Revenge
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